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stella41b -> RE: "Assertive Submissives"??? (6/30/2009 7:06:47 AM)
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ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks
Some people identify themselves as "assertive submissives".
Yes I know. I'm one of them.
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ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks
At first glance, "assertive" and "submissive" appear to be mutually exclusive.
If you say so.
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ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks
Are those people who identify themselves as "assertive submissives" just what they say they are? Or something else?
I am who I am and accept this. This is how I present myself. Others may perceive this as something else. I'm not them, everybody perceives each other differently.
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ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks
In general, people are NOT simple. Period.
Obviously. But wouldn't it be boring if they were?
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ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks
Could it be, that there is something called a "situational submissive", who is only submissive in specific situations and with specific people?
Yes I am a 'situational submissive' which means I am submissive only to one person and only in the situation when they know me and maintain regular contact and communication with me over a specific period of time, i.e. in a relationship. This is a very specific relationship with someone who has a preference to dominate in the relationship and as they know me, I know them, I know and accept them for who they are and for the way they behave and dominate in the relationship and I fully understand their needs and desires and feel both confident and competent in fulfilling those needs and desires.
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ORIGINAL: GhostWhoWalks
Does the term, "submissive" carry with it a whole laundry list of assumptions that may or may not be true?
Yes it does. One of the biggest assumptions I find is that other people (who generally identify as being dominant) tend to assume that I don't need equality or reciprocality in a relationship, that they have my implicit agreement to an agenda, or that certain elements of the relationship can be established or developed without any discussion or communication.
But the thing is as a person I'm also fully equipped to take control, maintain a dominant position, to lead, and more so now than previously I am able to assert myself. This leads to another assumption, that I need to be submissive in order to feel fulfilled. Of course I feel at my very best when in a relationship with someone who I can be myself and submissive with in the appropriate level of intimacy but without this I am able to find fulfillment in other ways. The thing is I generally desire to be submissive to someone but that desire only becomes a need when a relationship is established.
However I find it's much better to take the time and trouble to get to know a person before making assumptions and going by the labels. Labels are just a guide and when making assumptions about someone you leave yourself wide open to be caught out or proved wrong. Far better to ask, to observe, to communicate, listen and actually understand what the other person is all about before moving towards developing some sort of dynamic involving dominance or submission.
But this is just my take. YMMV.
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