RE: Without "them"

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DragonNphoenix -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 7:41:13 AM)
I am not a mess with out my Dragon... but I wasnt complete either. Does that make sense??? 1st Girl Phoenix

RavenMuse -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 7:43:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DragonNphoenix I am not a mess with out my Dragon... but I wasnt complete either. Does that make sense??? To me it looks like the diffrence between content and happy and makes perfect sense. But I'm sure others might read it diffrently!

MyCaptainsPet -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 7:58:06 AM)
Interesting question... i am a whole person with or without Him. i can function, have a life, and make my own decisions. i have hobbies, likes, dislikes the whole gambit. i am a strong person and can get myself in and out of any situation with no guidance or support. i've also lived thru a few tough issues and have handled them totally alone without cracking or breaking into a million pieces. For many years i was able to BE without any form of D/s in my life. i am able to laugh, love, hate and feel without it or Him. i do prefer to have HIM in my life. i like not having to have control and giving it all up to him... i love having him to talk to about everything. i like doing for Him... tasks, rules, chores, He feeds a part of my soul that was starving. Without Him and the dynamics of US, something was missing. He calms me when i'm scared and alone. He quiets the demons. He's the tethers that keep me from going outside of where i should be.. and in essence, keeps me safe from myself. BUT, i can function as a whole without it there. It's more like having whipped cream on the pie... The pie is still good without it.. but the cream makes it so much sweeter and enjoyable... Does that make sense??

littleone35 -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 9:23:53 AM)
I have not had a master for 3 years but i am a who;e person alwys have been and always will be. It does not mean i do not want a Master but i need him to fill the craving i have to serve and be owned but i am still whole without one. littleone

Sensualips -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 1:18:23 PM)
quote: It's often known as the White Knight Syndrome or the Savious Complex, I have white knight urges a lot, in platonic and non-platonic relationships. I have to work hard to identify that and keep it in check. quote: I've always been a whole person, whether there was someone else in my life or not. Ditto. That being said I prefer people in my life, whether is strong emotional friendships or casual sex / fun friendships or a committed partner(s). I don't mine being alone, but I enjoy interaction. quote: I would respond in more detail, but my left arm doesn't work Uh huh. We know what your left hand is SOOOO busy with. I hope you don't go blind. ;)

Firmmaster4u -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 2:04:25 PM)
yes you are a whole person and when you fine this dom he will fill all that you need and have always needed and needs that no one has been able to fill sdince your last master pass on ml

theRose4U -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 6:54:28 PM)
quote: That said...I don't think this is true for too many of the subs I have met lately. It concerns me so much when I meet a new sub (new to the lifestyle) who seems to be floundering around in search of any master who will take her because she feels she can't be a sub unless she has a Dom. Why are Doms so eager to take on subs who aren't whole people, who need to work on themselves before they can truly submit? Why would a Dom want the submission of a sub who isn't whole and can't truly submit? This makes me think of Em umm Albatross's signature line. You should have a stable partner not a STABLE of partners. Too many get this mixed up.

DragonNphoenix -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 6:58:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: DragonNphoenix I am not a mess with out my Dragon... but I wasnt complete either. Does that make sense??? To me it looks like the diffrence between content and happy and makes perfect sense. But I'm sure others might read it diffrently! I think that you hit the nail on the head. Thank you. 1st Girl Phoenix

allyC -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 8:35:46 PM)
Howdy :) I think it depends largely on the reason why the participants enter a relationship in the first place. I don't believe that there are many people out there who have absolutely no hangups. I think everyone has emotional baggage of some sort. There are some who only have a small wallet-sized bag and then there are others who have an entire, matching set of samsonite, including the golf-bag, attache case and umbrella. grin So if someone has some issues and they enter into a relationship expecting it to fix their problems, then I think that might be a set-up for disappointment. If someone who has some issues enters a relationship because it feels good, right, and healthy and throughout the relationship, they experience some healing, I think they might be better off. I know a lot of people who were in a bad relationship with their S.O. and then went ahead and married them, saying (and thinking), "Well, I just know that getting married will fix everything - its the lack of committment that has us all screwed up." etc. One of them wound up divorced less than a year later. There are others who made it 2 years and one of them made it 10 but none have been permanent. I don't believe one can enter a relationship with the expectation that it will solve all of their ills. I do believe, however, that there are a lot of people out there who have hangups, issues, baggage, etc., that are able to function quite well in relationships and who even experience the catharsis that only a good, healthy, symbiotic relationship can bring. I know a man who doesn't believe that intelligent, stable, independent women should ever submit to be slaves. He thinks that slavery should be something for those who cannot take care of themselves and who must depend on others. I know another man who thinks that unless a slave is completely whole without any hangups or issues at all, she should not submit to be a slave. I think that it depends on the individual people involved because there is a whole lot of gray in between completely helpless and completely independent. Hell, I still have issues but I've been in a successful, fulfilling and rewarding TPE-M/s (for lack of a better term) relationship for nearly 8 years. Sorry - I'm rambling a bit... (A sure sign of a woman with issues eh? LOL) So... to wrap this rambling bit up - I was a whole person before I met my owner. I had some baggage but I was independent, intelligent, fully capable of taking care of myself, etc. etc. etc. But (and it's a big but) there was definitely something missing inside of me. Sort of like the analogy of the jar of rocks. The jar is whole. It is full to the brim with stones. It is full. (or is it?) Then someone pours sand in it and it becomes even more whole - more full (or is it?). Then someone pours water into the jar... (you can see where this is going...) My owner is the water. I was whole and full and complete but then he enslaved me, molded me, shaped me, and filled that space in me that had been left empty just for him. Damn I'm not only rambling, I'm getting sappy too. ;) That's my two (or three) pesos... Well wishes, Cav's ally

ownedgirlie -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 9:02:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DragonNphoenix I am not a mess with out my Dragon... but I wasnt complete either. Does that make sense??? 1st Girl Phoenix i relate to this 100%. You said in one sentence what i tried to say in paragraphs. :)

TexasMaam -> RE: Without "them" (2/15/2006 9:30:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cloudboy I would respond in more detail, but my left arm doesn't work while my Mistress is gone. Hello, Veronica.

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 1:25:53 AM)
I am me, i stand alone and have done before him, and were he to 'go', then i would do so again. 'the resquers' of the dom/me world, i agree, seem to find this less than attractive. I was a single parent for quite a while, you develope your survival skills, and can spend many nights thinking through your demons and laying them to rest. The ability to be independant is a trait i admire in myself, and in others. But even though i am together and 'whole', it in no way detracts from my need of him in the here and now. If he were to dissappear, then i would recover, and move on. I would survive. But were he to take a job away from our home, where say, he just came home for weekends, i would not. My need is too high for that. If that makes sense. He would have to go, before i could function without him. little1

Tapestry -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 5:31:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allyC Howdy :) I think it depends largely on the reason why the participants enter a relationship in the first place. I don't believe that there are many people out there who have absolutely no hangups. I think everyone has emotional baggage of some sort. There are some who only have a small wallet-sized bag and then there are others who have an entire, matching set of samsonite, including the golf-bag, attache case and umbrella. grin So if someone has some issues and they enter into a relationship expecting it to fix their problems, then I think that might be a set-up for disappointment. If someone who has some issues enters a relationship because it feels good, right, and healthy and throughout the relationship, they experience some healing, I think they might be better off. I know a lot of people who were in a bad relationship with their S.O. and then went ahead and married them, saying (and thinking), "Well, I just know that getting married will fix everything - its the lack of committment that has us all screwed up." etc. One of them wound up divorced less than a year later. There are others who made it 2 years and one of them made it 10 but none have been permanent. I don't believe one can enter a relationship with the expectation that it will solve all of their ills. I do believe, however, that there are a lot of people out there who have hangups, issues, baggage, etc., that are able to function quite well in relationships and who even experience the catharsis that only a good, healthy, symbiotic relationship can bring. So... to wrap this rambling bit up - I was a whole person before I met my owner. I had some baggage but I was independent, intelligent, fully capable of taking care of myself, etc. etc. etc. But (and it's a big but) there was definitely something missing inside of me. Sort of like the analogy of the jar of rocks. The jar is whole. It is full to the brim with stones. It is full. (or is it?) Then someone pours sand in it and it becomes even more whole - more full (or is it?). Then someone pours water into the jar... (you can see where this is going...) This really spoke to me. Sure I have baggage and issues, who doesn't? But was i a functioning, successful person before i met Master? You bet. Did i need Him to rescue me from myself? Nope. But He completes me, is the yin to my yang, and so to that extent, i am whole with Him in a way that i wasn't before Him. He explains it this way. He knows that other people do not make us happy, that we each choose whether to be happy or not, but He is better at choosing happiness when He's with me. (yay!!) :)

BeingChewsie -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 6:37:46 AM)
I was functioning before he took me. I wasn't really happy. I am much happier when the rules of engagement and parameters of my life are defined and enforced by someone else. I didn't need to be fixed, I needed to be managed. Managing people is something he is exceptionally good at. Now my entire life operates within clearly defined boundaries and parameters. The occasional curve ball life throws at me doesn't send me into a tailspin anymore because I know if I can't solve the issue, he will. I have become increasingly more confident over the years with him. I'm happiest when I am kept on tight, short leash with very little wiggle room.

KatyLied -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 6:45:41 AM)
quote: I didn't need to be fixed, I needed to be managed. I like the way you've stated that. I know there are some things about me that need to be "fixed". And fixing those things is much easier when I am being managed.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 6:54:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied quote: I didn't need to be fixed, I needed to be managed. I like the way you've stated that. I know there are some things about me that need to be "fixed". And fixing those things is much easier when I am being managed. I think we need to keep in mind there's always a balance and gray area. Very few people are "complete messes" and "completely stable" Most of us, subs AND doms, are somewhere in between. We have strengths and weaknesses. Problems: Subs/people who ARE complete messes and expect others to simply scrape them off the sidewalk and turn their lives into Cinderella dreams Doms/people who are convinced THEY and they alone can save the other person from themselves, and make it all better (even if they themselves have their own issues) The continuing stereotype that it's the dom who helps the sub, and that the sub is the weak one who needs the help. Subs can be great managers. We talk SO often about how subs are strong people, NOT doormats, busy in their work lives, excellent parents...and yet when discussions like this come about, everyone comes out of the woodwork about how they had no clue until their white knight came along. Those are all stereotypes, and very often not true at all. Many subs are NOT strong people, many doms are NOT capable adults, many doms enjoy and need the help of the sub to get their lives on track. And, just like in vanilla relationships, of COURSE it's good that the person you are in a relationship with helps you out. Of COURSE it's good that they help you learn new skills, make things a bit better to handle and offer you security. That's the whole POINT of intimate relationships, whether you are romantic in them or not. I think as long as we approach this as PEOPLE getting in touch with PEOPLE, then we can avoid the pitfalls of stereotyping based on orientation. And again yes, some subs/people are utter messes who will destroy the life of every dom who will attempt to help them, and yet, some doms will wring themselves dry in the attempt.

sweetnessforsir -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 5:44:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BeingChewsie I was functioning before he took me. I wasn't really happy. I am much happier when the rules of engagement and parameters of my life are defined and enforced by someone else. I didn't need to be fixed, I needed to be managed. Managing people is something he is exceptionally good at. Now my entire life operates within clearly defined boundaries and parameters. The occasional curve ball life throws at me doesn't send me into a tailspin anymore because I know if I can't solve the issue, he will. I have become increasingly more confident over the years with him. I'm happiest when I am kept on tight, short leash with very little wiggle room. like katy, i agree with this. it's not a matter of being unable to function, it comes down to a level of functioning. the relationship enhances what is already there. and once there, it is difficult to not long for it to always be there.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 6:09:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U My question is this: do most of you feel that without a Master/Mistress or collar that you are "whole" people? Whole meaning you function well in your job, relationships, have hobbies, friends and the like and a Dom/me is more of a compass that you seek to enhance yourself? I've lived alone and supported myself my whole adult life. I've been at my job for 17 years, and although it pays poorly I have very little debt. I've stayed out of jail, have many friends and interests, and have never suffered depression. I think by all standards I'm a whole functional person on my own. That being said... Without someone to worship and obey and please and belong to body and soul...Without someone to drop me into that delicious headspace of being controlled and owned...well, no, my life isn't 100% complete. Without a dominant in my life, my house is not as tidy and organized, things get put off longer than they should, and I have irritable days when something is just not right somehow... I'm a whole functioning human being all on my own...I'm just a better one with a dom in my life... ...and a heck of a lot happier. Cin

zanti -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 6:27:51 PM)
My Master and i are in a Total Power Exchange and we are bouth new to BDSM and being Master and slave. Though i have seen because of my Master my life go from aimless and not going any where fast. To complemnts at work for my attude becoming much better, my parents eaven bing nice to me and getting along with them, after years of my parents and i not getting long. Eaven my long time friends of 16 years said "Yes z this is what you needed, you seem to finaly have your self together and happy" So yes with out my Master i am compley a mess and lost. -z{Master Ed} "my mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in most states" unknown

blackpearl81 -> RE: Without "them" (2/16/2006 6:31:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: theRose4U I was reading another thread and it got my head swimming. While I personally prefer a sub that has their act together as an individual BEFORE I become involved with them there seem to be many that so not abide by this same logic. My question is this: do most of you feel that without a Master/Mistress or collar that you are "whole" people? Whole meaning you function well in your job, relationships, have hobbies, friends and the like and a Dom/me is more of a compass that you seek to enhance yourself? or is the opposite the case...you're a mess without the guidence and support that a Dom/me provides? Well... for me... its a little bit of both.. outside of bdsm, im fairly stable snickers I have a steady job, etc etc But, on a deeper note, i grew up without my mom, so in effect, thats something similar to what im looking for in my potential partner...and what im seeking could be looked at as being a "compass" so to speak...ya know? Hope this helps :) BP

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