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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 4:37:07 PM

angelic

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for me it is giving up me, i.e. to allow someone to get close enough to me, where if He chose to hurt me, he could...

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 4:48:27 PM

Rayne58

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The instinct to protect myself. Not physically, but emotionally. I'm not sure if this is going to come out right, but after 20 years of an emotionally abusive relationship, I still find it hard to "open up" and tell Him what is going on with me, and how I am feeling. It is doubly difficult because He has many health problems and I do not want to worry Him when He has troubles of His own to deal with.

After two years I am getting better at it. Sometimes He will sit me down and ask me if there's anything I need or want to talk about, and then I'm able to open up the floodgates. It's nothing to do with a lack of trust, I trust Him completely, but over those years of abuse I "held it in" and the barriers are still there

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 4:51:44 PM

angelic

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exactly Rayne... that for me is what i will protect having not protected it before.

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Post #: 23

RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 5:02:23 PM

GoddessDustyGold

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?

I find it incredibly telling that not one submissive or slave boy has answered this post. All the responses are from femsubs/slaves. It is an interesting topic, and I have been visiting to see what the boys might throw into the mix. But there is nothing.
Did anybody else notice this?

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 6:32:46 PM

slaveladyj

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I'm fairly new to this, and not in real time, but I think the hardest thing for me to give up control over would be normal, daily things. Rather used to being the one in charge in my daily life. Granted at present I live in a vanilla relationship, and my boyfriend is quite used to me running absolutely everything. Though there are times, I think it would be great if someone else took over worrying about the daily headaches of life.

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 6:43:26 PM

DragonNphoenix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?

Control of the home that I live in. I am extremely anal retentive. To have to follow someone elses rules in the home was the hardest thing that I ever had to do. Now that we are having another sub move into our home... I have to adjust to having to sharing the household duties all over agian. Should be fun...

1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 6:44:06 PM

HumiliatedJoe

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Goddess,

i suppose a typical male response - not being able to masterbate when i feel the need due to a Domme using a chastity device.........it is just so frustrating.

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 6:46:17 PM

DragonNphoenix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?

I find it incredibly telling that not one submissive or slave boy has answered this post. All the responses are from femsubs/slaves. It is an interesting topic, and I have been visiting to see what the boys might throw into the mix. But there is nothing.
Did anybody else notice this?

I have noticed this also... I will have to talk to a few that I know and have them reply... just to get the guys point of view.

1st Girl Phoenix

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 6:48:09 PM

DragonNphoenix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HumiliatedJoe

Goddess,

i suppose a typical male response - not being able to masterbate when i feel the need due to a Domme using a chastity device.........it is just so frustrating.

My Dragon has forbiden me to masterbate without permission also... though I do not have a chastiy device, yet... he wants to do a chastity piercing on me.

1st Girl Phoenix

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Post #: 29

RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 8:10:59 PM

ownedgirlie

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What a fascinating thread to read.

i agree with LA, it is very difficult for me to just let him "do." i recall a time, i was laying in bed after a particularly difficult night. He said "just sleep," while he was busy taking care of things, picking up after himself, putting things away, etc. His next words were "quiet, slut" as i lay there mumbling sadly about how i should be doing that, not him.

The other, which is no longer the case but was when our relationship was new, is was angelic eluded to - my thoughts, my heart, my essence. But he has those now, and they are safe.

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Post #: 30

RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 9:16:57 PM

Vancouver_cinful

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant
Hardest thing to surrender control? Holding back my feelings. He won't let me do that and it's been a hard barrier to overcome.

I weigh in with this one too. I'm the cheerful, optimistic-type. The game little trooper who always sees the silver lining...I'll eat nails before I'll indulge in self-pity...I barely allow myself tears when I'm alone.

One of my favourite sayings is: I'm a ball, I'll bounce, no problem!

When a dominant expects me to share when I am hurt, sad or frightened...Dang, that is pulling teeth for me.

I'm slowly learning though that hoarding these feelings is not a good thing. Just one more invaluable life lesson submission has taught me!

Cin

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 9:24:36 PM

foxglove716

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quote:

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?

In reguards to food and clothing... food, yes, I love it when Sir picks out food for me. He usually picks healthy stuff, aww he always knows whats best for me.

Clothes... yes and no. I could never be totally controlled in that way, as clothes to me are such an important outlet of my personality. However, I like it when he tells me something like "wear something yellow today" as I feel it gives me freedom within boundaries, just like BDSM itself

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 9:57:45 PM

michaelGA

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i have a question:

if a sub/slave gives up control to a Dom(me)...does this include the remote too?

LOL

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 10:00:31 PM

foxglove716

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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i have a question:

if a sub/slave gives up control to a Dom(me)...does this include the remote too?

LOL

I think thats a hard limit for a lot of men

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 10:06:28 PM

michaelGA

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especially those who would rather watch sports than breathe or have sex...LOL

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/15/2006 10:17:02 PM

Mercnbeth

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quote:

What aspect of your life is hardest to surrender control over, in a D/s's relationship?

the dynamic of our relationship was something that this slave was FULLY aware of and in aggreement with~this slave's complete and total surrender to HIS will-HIS pleasure-HIS desire-HIS control. surrendering control over physical activities or tangible things--clothing approval, etc. has not been hard...it was and is expected and welcomed as an opportunity to please Master, for which this slave is always grateful.

eliminating I, me, my & mine from this slave's oral and verbal expression has been a challenge, especially as someone who had previously excelled in and insisted that everyone else around her use society's current version of "proper" speech....however, it isn't that it is hard personally because this slave doesn't "like" it, or whatever other folks think of it...it's that for 36 years this slave referred to herself as "I" and for the second 1/2 of those 36 owned stuff and referred to it as "mine". some habits die hard!!!

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/16/2006 1:25:18 PM

Rayne58

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quote:

ORIGINAL: michaelGA

i have a question:

if a sub/slave gives up control to a Dom(me)...does this include the remote too?

LOL

Oooo that is another hard one.....when I am watching something taped off the tv I like to have it, cos He usually doesn't press "play" after fast fprwarding through the ads until the programme comes back on and by then I've missed 20 seconds of it and He won't rewind it!

< Message edited by Rayne58 -- 2/16/2006 1:26:15 PM >

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/16/2006 1:36:21 PM

slavejali

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Surrendering my inspiration. I get very inspired with ideas, I mostly work off intuitions rather than the cold hard facts...it can be a difficult thing for me when everything inside me is telling me "do this now" to then have to pause and ask Master.

Master is very methodical and He is a planner. Saying that, I have come to appreciate His ability to forecast and put into action ways and means to achieve a desired outcome. Ive come to appreciate watching a process and the mechanics of an engine that actually make it run, if that makes sense.

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RE: surrendering control? - 2/16/2006 7:33:35 PM

Slipstreme

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I can't give up control of my life. Ever. Plain and simple. Even when I bottom, I must feel like I am in control or the play won't happen. Helplessness and vulnerability are two feelings I hate with a passion because that is how my life was when I was growing up and going to school.

So far, I've been in control. Always. And that is how I hope it stays. This is why I'm probably a Dominant with a masochistic streak, not a Switch. I just can't do it. Any of it.

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Post #: 39

RE: surrendering control? - 2/16/2006 8:16:48 PM

ownedgirlie

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i was speaking with a slave friend today and we were commenting that one of the hardest things to learn (give up) was, "it's not about me." Ahh but what peace can come when that lesson is learned...

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