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perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 9:30:29 AM

LadyElizabeth

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Joined: 11/28/2004
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Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship? ,
How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

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I do have a profile, for some reason you have to actually search my name from cm's main page. I have no idea why, that's just the way it is. lol.

Post #: 1

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 9:52:02 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth
Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship? ,
How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

Absolutely I am. Sometimes it means I beat myself up and I hold myself to MY standards rather than realistic standards, or those set by the owner.

At best it amuses and can be useful to the other person, at worst it drives them crazy and frustrates them to no end that I can't forgive myself or get too focused and lose perspective.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 2

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 10:10:49 AM

truesub4u

Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship? ,
How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

Yes I can be a perfectionist.... and it's been known to drive some Doms up the wall in the part. Because I set out to do something I've wanted to do.. been instructed to do... I want it done right.

When I miss a time table... or in my eyes not done correctly... but to others satification... I get annoyed... this in turn has annoyed others... but it's how I am.

My kids... and Master hates when I tell them something needs to be done... they do it.. but I think they didn't do it right.. and go back behind them mumbling about it. Sometimes Master has to tell me to sit down and shut up... take a few deep breaths.. and let it go. Hard to do sometimes... but I do it.... till his back is turned.. then I go and finish the job.. only without the mumbling.. (grinz)

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 2/15/2006 10:11:24 AM >

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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 3

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 10:14:49 AM

mistoferin

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Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

Sometimes it means I beat myself up and I hold myself to MY standards rather than realistic standards

Yes I am and I have done exactly as LA said....many times. The key is to find a balance. I don't want to give up being a perfectionist...perfection is a great goal. I have to understand though, that it is not one that anyone has yet attained and give myself permission to fall short. It is a great means of keeping oneself in check though, so long as you don't tear yourself apart over it.

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Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 10:24:54 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

My kids... and Master hates when I tell them something needs to be done... they do it.. but I think they didn't do it right.. and go back behind them mumbling about it.

I am the same way. I am a Capricorn (Cappy) so it is exremely difficult to clean with people in the house. I find this true of most cappy's. When I want something done, I usually do it myself because I know that chances are, it isnt going to be done the way *I* want it to be done, and I will have to go behind them and do it again. So most times I do it and forget about it. Especially my kitchen. When I clean my kitchen, I like to do the entire room, including sweeping and mopping. Most times this doesnt get done when someone else cleans it, they just do the dishes and leave it.

When my pup cleans, most times I just smile as I know he is doing the best he can. I try not to pick on him for not doing it *right*, besides he looks so cute in his maid outfit <s>

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(in reply to truesub4u)

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RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 10:48:10 AM

truesub4u

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Joined: 11/17/2005
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Cappy huh?

I'm a virgo.. moody.. and still want it done right... the first time!.. LOL

I know what you mean about the kitchen though... if the dishes are not IN the sink.. they don't get done... I get the.. "I did the dishes that were in the sink" response.. forget there was a dish still on counter.. table.. pot on the stove.. LOL

Though to break that cycle..I wash pots and pans as they get done being used.. before we sit down to dinner.. that way the dish washer at hand has less to do. And at least I know my pots and pans will be cleaned right. I'm even standing there washing them as Master is cooking.. LOL

< Message edited by truesub4u -- 2/15/2006 10:49:18 AM >

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 6

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 10:52:12 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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I seek perfection in myself and those who I influecne or control. Yet although I demand perfection from another, I can settle for the best they are capabile of giving me at any one time. I believe that I am wise enough to understand that perfection is unattainable but should be an on going goal.

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Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to truesub4u)

Post #: 7

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 10:59:23 AM

MistressOfGa

Posts: 2929
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I seek perfection in myself and those who I influecne or control. Yet although I demand perfection from another, I can settle for the best they are capabile of giving me at any one time. I believe that I am wise enough to understand that perfection is unattainable but should be an on going goal.

IronBear,
Have I ever told you I just adore your postings? I am apparenly following you around the boards and I just sit here and agree with everything you write. Very nice indeed. Thank you for sharing so many wonderful thoughts.

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(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 8

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 11:15:53 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Hi lovely Lady,

Great minds.......

Thank you.

<<<< Passes her a bottle of home made meade. (Goes down oh so smooth and has a kick like a team of mules).>>>>

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)

Post #: 9

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 11:26:43 AM

vanillacreme

Posts: 8
Joined: 2/13/2006
Status: offline

Absolutely! My almost constant strive for perfection has had it's positive effects and taken it's numerous toles. And on the plus side, I am striken with this insane narcissistic need to be involved in 1800 things at once---what a lovely caweenkeedink that can be!

However, as mistoferin put so well, finding the balance is crucial.

"Shoot for the moon..Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars".

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 10

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 11:41:04 AM

Evanesce

Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship?

I've always been a perfectionist. What it means in my life is that I tend to hold myself to much higher standards than Master does, and I beat myself up over shortcomings much more severely than Master does - or would. Sometimes this makes life a little more difficult than it could be, because He is much more forgiving of me than I am.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 11

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 12:18:17 PM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

I am a perfectionist and I consider it to be one of my most annoying faults. My Lord finds it annoying as well. Usually I am holding myself to my ideals of what I should do and not his.

kyra

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"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 12

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 12:19:48 PM

Merritt27

Posts: 82
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce

quote:

Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship?

I've always been a perfectionist. What it means in my life is that I tend to hold myself to much higher standards than Master does, and I beat myself up over shortcomings much more severely than Master does - or would. Sometimes this makes life a little more difficult than it could be, because He is much more forgiving of me than I am.

Absolutely!! Daddy need only put me in a corner to "think about what i've done"...and i will have tormented myself unbelievably. He is MUCH more tolerant and quicker to forgive than i am.

(in reply to Evanesce)

Post #: 13

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 12:27:26 PM

MsIncognito

Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline

I think the older I get the more slack I cut myself. I realize that with many of the things I used to beat myself up over they didn't make any difference to anyone else...and ultimately didn't do anything but add more stress to my life with the pressure I put on myself. I try to be kinder to myself now, within reason, but probably still expect more from myself than most people.

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 14

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 12:48:25 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship? ,
How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

I am a prefect asshole - does that count as being a perfectionist? I think it adds spice! *w*

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 15

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 1:36:55 PM

LadyCompassion

Posts: 87
Joined: 11/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship? ,
How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

Definitely. Well...it is more my OCD than it is my perfectionism. See my perfectionism stems from my OCD, that is just how it manifests itself.

It does affect our relationship considerably but not in a negative way anymore. When we first started our relationship it put quite a bit of stress on us because he is definitely not the neatest person in the world. Over time now, he has come to learn what I expect and he has tried his best to adjust his habits accordingly. I know he will never be able to do exactly what I want and I have grown to accept that.

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 16

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 1:46:45 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

Are you a perfectionist? /quote]How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship? ,
How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

Yes and no. Since I still have about 40 pounds to lose, I'd have to say no or my body would be in better shape. Aside from body issues, then I'd have to say yes. Life's too short to settle on mediocrity. That's all well and good for others, but not for me. I have very high standards for myself and when I fail to meet those, no one can kick my ass like me. As well as that, I have high expectations of my friends and offspring and when they don't live up to what "I" believe is their potential, I am disappointed. ::can you say flawed human here? I knew you could. lol:: I would imagine that it's very difficult to live with me because of those standards and Himself has commented that I need to be a bit more laid back and forgiving of both myself and others. I'm still amazed that my kids turned out so well having me for a mother. lol

One quality I do have that counter-balances it is, if given the opportunity to talk it out and come to terms with whatever the mistake may be, then the issue is over and settled and I don't generally bring it up again and hold it against someone or myself. When I forgive, it's forever. When I hate, that's forever, too. And there are those whom I hate and whom I will never forgive and who I have no desire to even try to forgive. I have no problem living with it either. I don't dwell on it, and it doesn't effect my life on a daily basis.

Reading back over all this, I guess I'd have to take back my original statement about yes & no to being a perfectionist.

The answer is, no.. but practically perfect might work. ;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 17

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 1:54:35 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship? ,
How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

I used to be a perfectionist, now I am a progressionist (FYI that's my word). Perfection is a level impossible to achieve, for anyone, except the perfect asshole (he he he KoM). I know that I will never be perfect and that my subs will not ever reach perfection. To ask for it is to set them and myself up for failure. What I do ask for, require, and demand is progress. I expect this in myself as well, I am always striving to be better than I was yesterday.

Sometimes progress is simply understanding that the best I could do today is not equal to or better than the best I did yesterday.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to LadyElizabeth)

Post #: 18

RE: perfection..does it affect your relationship? - 2/15/2006 3:51:42 PM

bear372217355

Posts: 94
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyElizabeth

Are you a perfectionist? How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship? ,
How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

I am a prefect asshole - does that count as being a perfectionist? I think it adds spice! *w*

See mi'Lady, I told you I was not the only one.

Are you a perfectionist?

Yes I am. When it comes to my steel work, the toys, clothes and equipment I make for you.

But in a human relationship, striving for perfection IMHO is the number one cause of divorce. Humanity is inherently imperfect. That is what makes us all different and unique.

How does that affect you, in a D/s's relationship?

I think it makes our relationship stronger, knowing the other has no expectations of complete perfection, but rather the complete expectation of sharing and have a mutually good time with each other and nothing more.

How does that affect your sub/slave, or Dom/me?

It effects me as thus, I am happy and fulfilled, I would hope you feel the same. We strive to grow and learn, knowing full well that perfection is un-attainable, but happiness is and has been achieved.

_____________________________

Collared, caged and the sole property of Lady Elizabeth.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 19

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