asking for a collar back

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Prinsexx -> asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 3:34:55 PM)
Excuse me if this seems a stupid question. This is the first time I think if memory serves me well that I have asked a question iin Ask a Master forum. I am usually in General bdsm discussion.My question(s): Habing released oneself, and it being accepted, is it possible for a slave to asl for a collar back? How would this be considered? What is the general code of conduct? Thank you so much. Prin

DavanKael -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 3:48:52 PM)
Do you mean: is it possible for people who have broken up to get back together? Sure, happens all of the time. As with many things, I don't think there are specific 'rules', just what those involved decide mutually. Best wishes, Davan

SteelofUtah -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 4:02:37 PM)
Yes, But first you must bring him the wing of a Welp and the Tongue of the Basalisk, then and only then can the collar be replaced....... Come on Prin, if they want you they will have you, if they don't then they wont. we are all just humans. In the great scheme of things most of us are just making this up as we go along and for those who are not I think they just have too much time on thier hands. You thinking about going back to someone? Just remember there was a reason you felt.... or they felt.... they had to get out of it just because they have calmed down does not mean that feeling has completely gone away. Steel

LadyPact -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 4:06:53 PM)
I'd say that it's possible to ask anything. By the same token, any answer is possible. Know that going in and be prepared to accept any answer given to you. I've had a sub ask to be allowed to come back to Me. (The boy wasn't collared to Me but wanted to come back to being under consideration.) In his case, the answer was definitely no. There are other subs that I might have answered yes if they had presented Me with the request. It would really depend upon the person, why the dynamic ended, and how that person had acted in regard to Me since then. If there is a code of conduct for asking to rekindle a dynamic, I couldn't say that I knew what it was. I'd tend to think it would be under whatever protocol was being used when the dynamic was current. I know it wasn't terribly informative, prinny, but I hope it helps and wish you good luck.

Prinsexx -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 4:12:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah Yes, But first you must bring him the wing of a Welp and the Tongue of the Basalisk, then and only then can the collar be replaced....... Come on Prin, if they want you they will have you, if they don't then they wont. we are all just humans. In the great scheme of things most of us are just making this up as we go along and for those who are not I think they just have too much time on thier hands. You thinking about going back to someone? Just remember there was a reason you felt.... or they felt.... they had to get out of it just because they have calmed down does not mean that feeling has completely gone away. Steel Hi Steel Yes i am thinking about asking to go back. It's the first time I have ever wanted to do this. As I was the one who asked for release I know how crazy it must look... but then I know how crazy I look to many anyways so what's new? A good friend for 5 years, an incredible chemistry when we finally got around to it. But a real man/woman thing. I got emotionally entangled.. he did not. Life gets in the way for me. It meant a total release from my life for that precious time when he focused on me. I am incredibly busy with running a home and three different jobs. An ex husband died suddenly and threw me... and my ex Master is a full time carer and has ageing grandparents. Since he is younger than I it is a phase fo life I have passed but nevertheless the time we could spend together was rare and beautiful. Beautiful. I'm not so good at really begging I mean the type of begging that it would take without looking needy. And he dislikes neediness. First time I made such a stupid mistake though.

Prinsexx -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 4:20:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact I'd say that it's possible to ask anything. By the same token, any answer is possible. Know that going in and be prepared to accept any answer given to you. I've had a sub ask to be allowed to come back to Me. (The boy wasn't collared to Me but wanted to come back to being under consideration.) In his case, the answer was definitely no. There are other subs that I might have answered yes if they had presented Me with the request. It would really depend upon the person, why the dynamic ended, and how that person had acted in regard to Me since then. If there is a code of conduct for asking to rekindle a dynamic, I couldn't say that I knew what it was. I'd tend to think it would be under whatever protocol was being used when the dynamic was current. I know it wasn't terribly informative, prinny, but I hope it helps and wish you good luck. Dear LadyPact Thank you for responding. There are many here on collar who would just jimp back and say...oh another train wreck'' it's not like that. Funnily enough it hasn't wrecked me at all. I asked for release. I had a death of an ex husband and total oral allergy syndrome happen simultaneously...i reckoned the two events were just parallel but the allergy syndrome was of course the result of the death.. and the end of 12 years of vanilla marital harassment. I just got needy and of course the Master was very clear that he did not want my neediness. So no wreck but numbness and lots of coping. BUT i really do desire this time like no other. Of course willing and able to withstand whatever answer is given (i think) if I do actally ask for my collar back. I mean I have my collar. It was bestowed on me and I was told it was mine forever but I was still released. Oh I so dislike non-reciprocity...

lizi -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 4:46:51 PM)
I understand that time away from a relationship can give clarity but as Steel pointed out...there was a reason you left. On the surface the situation you described does seem to be a combination of life problems that added up to your asking for release, but please just be careful and cautious. Look for any other deeper reasons that may still be there as potential problems. Honestly, in almost every relationship breakup the two people involved move on in some regard. In general it seems as though the things that got in the way before are still there in some form or other. I'm really no expert but it just seems as though revisiting an old relationship doesn't usually work out. I"m sure you will know what's best for you and I hope you find happiness. *Edited to finish a thought...

beargonewild -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 5:02:58 PM)
It is my belief that we all deserve a second chance on life and with our relationships, no matter what form that relationship takes. By the sounds of it, you feel and sense that you are able to rectify a choice you found wasn't right then I believe this is your second chance to do right. I think you'd rather grab this second chance now instead of regretting not doing so when too much time has past. Wishing you all the best.

lovingpet -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 5:21:08 PM)
I have a concern here. This whole thing on your other thread where you were dropped suddenly by some dominant has me wondering. Is this what you really want? You were very upset by that rude and rather sudden abandonment. Is it possible you are only trying to fill a void? I certainly mean no ill will, but it seems awfully soon be be healed up, back on the horse, and making such a decision. I found it very easy to go back to old relationships. They were comfortable when everything else in my life was flying around in chaos. The only problem was that we were still the same people. Second chances are great and I believe wholeheartedly in them, but only if certain life circumstances have brought about very deep changes for the better in at least one of the partners. I don't see that here. I know the familiar is comfortable when you are cold and alone, but perhaps just search your soul and see if there is any reason to thing this time will be so different. lovingpet

dreamerdreaming -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 5:56:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Excuse me if this seems a stupid question. This is the first time I think if memory serves me well that I have asked a question iin Ask a Master forum. I am usually in General bdsm discussion.My question(s): Habing released oneself, and it being accepted, is it possible for a slave to asl for a collar back? How would this be considered? What is the general code of conduct? Thank you so much. Prin My thoughts: 1.) You asked to be released. From what you've said in this thread, it doesn't seem to me that he was there for you emotionally, during your time of need. I'd have left him too. Who needs a guy like that? 2.) You are apparently very busy right now. Seems to me you'll either need to find someone who is also very busy... Or put off getting into a close relationship until you can devote more time to it without shortchanging your family, or neglecting your prior commitments. Can you slow down a bit and clear off some of your plate? Any partner deserving of you will deserve to have enough time and energy devoted to him, just like you deserve the proper attention. 3.) You are asking to go from zero to sixty! How about just asking him if he wants to spend some time hanging out with you this weekend? Baby steps. If your ex husband had dumped you, and then showed up on your doorstep suddenly one day asking to get married again, what would you think? Sounds desperate, right? If it were me, alarms would go off. I'd think "what's the hurry?" and, "how do I know he's any different?" and "I've changed. How would he even know if I'm still what he wants?" I think you are an amazing, wonderful person. There's no hurry! Please, take time.

curiousINct -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 6:09:19 PM)
quote: 3.) You are asking to go from zero to sixty! How about just asking him if he wants to spend some time hanging out with you this weekend? Baby steps. Totally agree. and I need to ask, respectfully not critically - don't you want someone who is there for you when your world crumbles? someone who makes you stronger just by being there? you do deserve that much, we all do.

peppermint -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/29/2009 7:02:43 PM)
Do the same circumstances exist that caused you to ask for release? If the answer is yes then best to contemplate why anything would be better on a second try.

Prinsexx -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/30/2009 1:13:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lizi I understand that time away from a relationship can give clarity but as Steel pointed out...there was a reason you left. On the surface the situation you described does seem to be a combination of life problems that added up to your asking for release, but please just be careful and cautious. Look for any other deeper reasons that may still be there as potential problems. Honestly, in almost every relationship breakup the two people involved move on in some regard. In general it seems as though the things that got in the way before are still there in some form or other. I'm really no expert but it just seems as though revisiting an old relationship doesn't usually work out. I"m sure you will know what's best for you and I hope you find happiness. *Edited to finish a thought... This is so true.

Prinsexx -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/30/2009 1:15:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: beargonewild It is my belief that we all deserve a second chance on life and with our relationships, no matter what form that relationship takes. By the sounds of it, you feel and sense that you are able to rectify a choice you found wasn't right then I believe this is your second chance to do right. I think you'd rather grab this second chance now instead of regretting not doing so when too much time has past. Wishing you all the best. This is also very true....

Prinsexx -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/30/2009 1:23:17 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: lovingpet You were very upset by that rude and rather sudden abandonment. Is it possible you are only trying to fill a void? I certainly mean no ill will, but it seems awfully soon be be healed up, back on the horse, and making such a decision. ................... I know the familiar is comfortable when you are cold and alone, but perhaps just search your soul and see if there is any reason to thing this time will be so different. lovingpet Thank you for tracking what I am up to. You are absolutely right. I do look and listen and genuinely respect the opinions of those who give in-put here. I know also that it is my underlying pattern to get upset if I am dropped and generally feel I get my power back if I release myself and just walk away when the going gets tough. If I saw that written by any other s type i would think wooooow hold on a moment... doesn't seem very s type whatsoever. In fact seen in the cold light of day i can see how I am kicking and screaming and holding onto my own power rightly ,and increasingly so and idgging my heels in to get my own way. Now i want him back? No the circumstances have not changed nor will they do so for some forseeable future. I accepted the collar aware of time constraints, om the basis of not having emotional return and if I were to contemplate or even think of asking for a re-nefotiation there could be none. It's just that there was such amzing chemistry on a physical level. Thank you lovingpet.

Prinsexx -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/30/2009 1:29:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming My thoughts: 1.) You asked to be released. From what you've said in this thread, it doesn't seem to me that he was there for you emotionally, during your time of need. I'd have left him too. Who needs a guy like that? I think you are an amazing, wonderful person. There's no hurry! Please, take time. Yep. Got it. He wasn't there for me.. at least phone calls but even during those I felt my crises were all too much and he'd rather them not be there. Indeed so gorgeous was he at the physical level for me that I went nearly five months without any emotional input at all... a great deal of time given that the overriding feeling for me was abandonment. But then I am an emotional masochist. But then he is not, and will never be, an emotional sadist. Clearly stating that if I was unhappy that would not be good for him. Incompatibility at the emotional level despite being purely perfect at the physical. And thank you for thinking I am great...I'm working on it truly.

ChasingOblivion -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/30/2009 1:48:26 AM)
You do deserve better. No one (at least no one sane) is happy every moment of every day, and for anyone to expect that is patently unreasonable. Honestly, he sounds like an emotional zero. Is it really worth it to subject yourself to a relationship with someone who (and I'm reading between the lines here) is really nothing more than insanely hot and a great lay? If all you want is the physical aspect, why don't you just ask if he'd be interested in just being a sex buddy? It's just a thought.

Prinsexx -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/30/2009 2:40:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChasingOblivion You do deserve better. No one (at least no one sane) is happy every moment of every day, and for anyone to expect that is patently unreasonable. Honestly, he sounds like an emotional zero. Is it really worth it to subject yourself to a relationship with someone who (and I'm reading between the lines here) is really nothing more than insanely hot and a great lay? If all you want is the physical aspect, why don't you just ask if he'd be interested in just being a sex buddy? It's just a thought. Yes. A sex buddy. I'm just posing a question here... what proportion of those males here, dom types in particular, who label themselves 'Masters' are here for kinky sex? Not a judgment. I'm sure if I was a hot blooded male,(given the fact that I am a hot blooded female) and according to what is generally agreed, on Fet life, Alt and Collar...that males get a hard deal 'getting it'.. it would be tempting to label oneself as a Master just for the ride. Putting a collar round a willing girl's neckmust be a turn on for many. The responsibilities of the collar.. well that's another thing. I suppose I am answering my own question really 'cos it's really like asking him to ;have some emotional connection' to me when he's having sex... or at least it's me (with my experience) trying to suggest he understands what a collar means.. to me and to him. No judgment. I have done sex buddies but they really only satisfy an itch not a wound.

ChasingOblivion -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/30/2009 3:12:57 AM)
If he's not capable of an emotionally satisfying relationship, and a purely physical relationship would not be ultimately satisfying to you, then yes, you have answered your own question. Either way, you deserve someone who not only can satisfy all your needs (emotional, physical, mental, spiritual, etc) but who WANTS to. I hope you find what you're looking for. [:)]

IronBear -> RE: asking for a collar back (6/30/2009 4:30:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Excuse me if this seems a stupid question. This is the first time I think if memory serves me well that I have asked a question iin Ask a Master forum. I am usually in General bdsm discussion.My question(s): Habing released oneself, and it being accepted, is it possible for a slave to asl for a collar back? How would this be considered? What is the general code of conduct? Thank you so much. Prin What an interesting discussion subject Prin, thank you for posting it here. I have witnessed this a couple of times, and I do mean literally been the official witness in each case. I knew the reasons the slave was released in both cases and I knew why the collar was reissued too. How such things are received and the protocols involved is going to depend very much on the dynamics involved but as Steel has already commented, if they want you back, they will take you back unless there is a good reason not to. In cases where a slave has either begged for release or been released to deal with something which was interfering with her collar, I imagine that the separating should have been friendly. If not then the odds may be against a reunion. If it is the case where a slave self released (Mostly because of an absent Master) things will again depend on the reasons and people involved. But then you knew this didn't you?

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