A Respectful way

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littleone35 -> A Respectful way (7/1/2009 1:23:18 PM)
Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always. Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey. So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner? Matt's littleone

Mercnbeth -> RE: A Respectful way (7/1/2009 4:52:20 PM)
somewhere within the first few emails and phone chats that we had, this slave let him know about the things she preferred not to do. just information, not expecting Him to change His desires to accomodate this slave's preferences if there was any conflict. at present, 6 1/2 years later, it doesn't really matter if this slave prefers to do it or not...if He wants it...it is done.

alanswhore -> RE: A Respectful way (7/1/2009 5:23:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always. Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey. So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner? Matt's littleone Yup. I think that makes sense, and I have indeed said similar things before, always with the understanding that my owner can absolutely make me do what he wants anyway. I think it is more respectful of him to keep him informed about my feelings, because I know that those feelings affect his own enjoyment. :)

kuriouswitch -> RE: A Respectful way (7/1/2009 9:27:55 PM)
There have been times Master's stopped play because I wasn't enjoying it and made me tell him what I wanted. Sometimes he'll change plans accordingly and sometimes he doesn't. I try not to say anything about my preference or not on something unless I'm scared or think it might hit a trigger. But if for some reason I prefer not to do it I try to tell him in the most respectful way, why and see if maybe we can either work up to it or try it another day.

vasha -> RE: A Respectful way (7/2/2009 1:15:02 AM)
the sub/slaves reaction to whatever the Dom/me is doing is generally half the fun. ergo, if you arent reacting the way he or she had hoped, something will be changed most like. and since communication is Key, he/she will want to know why. at some point. before hand, may be best. situation depending. after all, terro card readings dont do near as well as verbal communicatoin. ;-)

maia09 -> RE: A Respectful way (7/2/2009 9:14:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always. Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey. So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner? Matt's littleone Learning to be respectful in my presentations is something i constantly work on. my inner nature is rather a smart ass at times - which is not pleasing at all to my Master. So yes, He not only appreciates my respectful communications, but expects it. If Chairman is interested in whether i prefer to do something or not, He will state that i have an option. In that situation i will express my opinion but in all honesty, i prefer what He prefers, so it's not very significant. Chairman asks my opinion or what i wish because i honestly think there are things He likes to do for or with me that He knows i like, or He's sincerely interested in my point of view. i'm just that lucky. [:D]

IrishMist -> RE: A Respectful way (7/2/2009 10:07:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always. Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey. So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner? Matt's littleone I could have begged, pleaded, been throwing up, running a fever, etc etc...if he wanted to do something, he did it...if I did not want to do it...tough shit, I did it...[&:]

DesFIP -> RE: A Respectful way (7/2/2009 10:30:29 AM)
I usually give him the why upfront, not wait for him to ask for it. Because sometimes you just don't feel up to stuff; headache, tummyache, cramps, stressful phone call - doesn't mean you won't want to do it again later or tomorrow. Just means you aren't up for it right then. It's helpful if you know that if, in trhe case of a headache, you would be right as rain if allowed two aspirin and then a half hour nap.

Focus50 -> RE: A Respectful way (7/3/2009 3:19:15 AM)
There are days I ask the girl to do something and there are days when I tell her to do it. There'll be no arguments if I command it, otherwise I'm open to any reasons why she'd rather not. Unquestioning compliance can be a real drag when I don't require it.... Focus.

Missokyst -> RE: A Respectful way (7/3/2009 10:18:18 AM)
I am the same way. Being upfront and open about what is going on is not as erotic (doing things in a respectful way to make everyone feel the done good fuzzies), but it sure cuts down on time. When it comes down to it I would still do it if required, but this way everyone is on board from the get go. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I usually give him the why upfront, not wait for him to ask for it. Because sometimes you just don't feel up to stuff; headache, tummyache, cramps, stressful phone call - doesn't mean you won't want to do it again later or tomorrow. Just means you aren't up for it right then. It's helpful if you know that if, in trhe case of a headache, you would be right as rain if allowed two aspirin and then a half hour nap.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: A Respectful way (7/3/2009 11:03:29 AM)
Nope because I do not enter in or engage in relationships where I am not allowed to say no or my refusal to do so would just end up in him over riding me and doing it anyway or seen as dis obedience.. In our relationship no means no, and we don't have to have a good reason for the saying no to be respected. It's also not considered dis obedience to refuse. quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always. Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey. So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner? Matt's littleone

kiwisub12 -> RE: A Respectful way (7/3/2009 7:50:50 PM)
Some days he asks me, some days he tells me. My reaction to the "asks" days is to be honest and tell him if i don't feel like it or don't want to do it. Occasionally, i don't want to play, and have told him this. He would rather know the truth, he enjoys our play more when i enjoy it, but, on the days he "tells" me, my enjoyment isn't a given. And some days, i really don't enjoy it!

leadership527 -> RE: A Respectful way (7/4/2009 7:38:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner? It happens to us constantly. I care a great deal about what Carol wants and see my role as being the custodian of the relationship for the two of us. If I give Carol some command and it is more problematic for her than I expected, I need to know that information. I need to know it not only because I may change my mind about the command, but also (and way more importantly) because it speaks to a way in which I don't already understand her. For Carol, I've given her a simple formulat. Her responses come in the form of "Yes but..." As in, "Yes Master, I am prepared to obey you, but there's this thing out ought to know..." In that way, right up front she is indicating that she's not abdicating her role as my slave, simply giving me some information to factor into my thought processes.

LilKittenSub -> RE: A Respectful way (7/4/2009 3:04:13 PM)
I responded to my old Dom in much the same way when he asked me to do things I did not feel up to, primarily because the rule that he had explained when we first became involved was as thus: "It is the sub/slaves job to tend to her Dom/Master's wants. It is the Dom/Master's job to tend to the sub/slaves needs."

babybella -> RE: A Respectful way (7/6/2009 6:32:58 AM)
excuse please, but isnt that why it's called topping from the bottom?????? this girl understands that if her Master makes a request (which is unusual in itself) she has the right to voice her opinions on the subject. He is not asking her permission, rather her feelings on the matter. when asked, she answers. when directed, she complies. simple, really.

daddysprop247 -> RE: A Respectful way (7/6/2009 11:47:02 AM)
i would never tell my Master that i would "prefer not to" do something. that would be sooooo crazy! lol!! [:D] whew, that's a good one.

Missokyst -> RE: A Respectful way (7/6/2009 11:49:23 AM)
LOL that was the perfect answer. Kyst quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 i would never tell my Master that i would "prefer not to" do something. that would be sooooo crazy! lol!! [:D] whew, that's a good one.

NuevaVida -> RE: A Respectful way (7/6/2009 2:53:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: babybella excuse please, but isnt that why it's called topping from the bottom?????? this girl understands that if her Master makes a request (which is unusual in itself) she has the right to voice her opinions on the subject. He is not asking her permission, rather her feelings on the matter. when asked, she answers. when directed, she complies. simple, really. Topping from the bottom only exists if the top allows the bottom to make the decisions (in which case, the top is allowing it, so it's really still topping from the top). In the case of the OP, she did not decide not to do it, she let him know what was going on in her mind about it. Nothing toppy about that at all. And Daddysprop - LOL!!! Yeah, no kidding! Go ahead - tell a sadist what you don't like...and then cringe for the next...well...rest of your life [8D]

Drakontos -> RE: A Respectful way (7/6/2009 5:48:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littleone35 Today Master and i were layng in bed just playing around. Master told me to do something i normally do and enjoy(no not a bj). I even ask for it sometimes. I said Master i would perfer not to do it. (notice i did not say no) Since he knows i like it he needed to know the reason i did not want to do it. When i gave him my reasoning he understood, he also knows that even if i would perfer not to do it if he told me to i would. Master does not like to do things that i would perfer not to do on a certain day cause he know i will do them in the future as always. Master really liked the respect i showed by instead saying i don't want to do this. I said i would perfer not to do this. IT was not a disobiedence he said cause he knew even though i would perfer not to do it , if ordered i would obey. So did anything like thos ever happen to you? Did you handle it in a similar manner? Matt's littleone zaphira would never tell me she does not want to do something because she knows from experience, that I could care less if she 'wants' to do anything.

TheDomInTheHat -> RE: A Respectful way (7/7/2009 8:05:57 PM)
Communication is important. It is useful to have a phrase for when a submissive is truly expressing a concern and when it's more of the "no means harder" variety. "I'd prefer not to" might work well in that situation as long as your sub is not Bartleby.

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