falling in love with Mistress

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subtdop1 -> falling in love with Mistress (2/15/2006 7:05:26 PM)
i have met someone and know that w/We are falling in love with e/Each other. it is really hard because She does not know if this is a good thing and i feel that it is wonderful to connect and be close and still respect Her as a true slave should. i would love to hear opinions on whether this should happen or if it can happen and whether or not it can work or if i am just kidding myself. i Love this Mistress/Woman and She has told me that She loves me. She feels out of control and has started to work it back to much more formal and sterile between u/Us and i wondered also what the process might look like from those who have been through it. thanks for the help, tim

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (2/15/2006 8:42:27 PM)
True love in a relationship Balancing Commitment and Love Love in BDSM Love and D/s Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training? Not allowed to love him what do I do? Being owned and being loved subs/masochists & love Love and submission separate? Love and bDSM (the unfettered heart) Can love get in the way? Love in D/s Is love important in a relationship?

UtahGoddess -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (2/15/2006 11:47:36 PM)
Dear tim, Yes. Dommes can and do fall in love with their slaves. As a matter of fact, my slave and I are happily married. [:D] I won't assume to guess what your Domme is going through, but I can offer my experience. When I first began having feelings for my boy I pulled my affection back a bit. Realising I was falling "in love" with him made me feel vulnerable. I worried that I was falling too fast and so set the brakes until I learned more about him and his intentions. For a short period of time I even refused to see him so I could think clearly and sort out my feelings (without the intoxication of his presence). Like all human beings, I feared being emotionally hurt. Through it all my slave quietly persisted. I came to terms with my fears and decided the risk was worth the reward and surrendered myself to the process. I am not a weak or fearful person. Far from it. But those that know me, know I only reveal my "inner self" to a very small number of people. With most people (subs, slaves, vanillas, Dom/mes, etc etc) I am friendly, yet reserved. So when I do meet someone that quickly penetrates my armor, I become a little disconcerted. <laffs> So your situation may be nothing to worry about. She may just be setting her own internal boundaries in an attempt to limit her emotional vulnerability. If that's the case, continue to be the wonderful you, you are, and let her open up at her own pace. She may just be asserting more formality as a way of reassuring herself she (not her emotions) are in control. I hope this made sense LOL Ms Sandi

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (2/16/2006 1:16:23 AM)
We are very in love with each other. And when the going gets tough, its helps enormously to know that the one with control, loves you dearly. It embibes more trust than i would have outside of a loving relationship. We were supposed to be just play partners. No strings. Not even a relationship. But hey, thats history now. Being in love, takes away a lot of your control. Must be pretty hard for a Dom/me, perhaps more so than a sub? I kept very quiet about my feelings, as did he, until he got his head around things. I hope this works out for you both. A person who can turn their back on reciprocal love, well they must be kinda odd i reckon. little1

1wildwolf -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (2/18/2006 2:55:37 AM)
i agree with the previous 2 posts....i can not imagine that falling in love is easy for a Dom/me, and yes i should think it would be easier for a sub/slave (we are often infatuated with our Dom/mes arent we? lol) but i would also say that if Yyou 2 are willing to take Yyour time and work things through slowly, then Yyou should be able to come out with an even stronger relationship than if Yyou were not in love 1wildwolf

Submotive -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (2/19/2006 6:20:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtdop1 i have met someone and know that w/We are falling in love with e/Each other. it is really hard because She does not know if this is a good thing and i feel that it is wonderful to connect and be close and still respect Her as a true slave should. i would love to hear opinions on whether this should happen or if it can happen and whether or not it can work or if i am just kidding myself. i Love this Mistress/Woman and She has told me that She loves me. She feels out of control and has started to work it back to much more formal and sterile between u/Us and i wondered also what the process might look like from those who have been through it. thanks for the help, tim i'm of the belief that my relationship with my Beloved is O/ours. There are no rules except the ones He creates for me. So, my recommendation is perhaps talking with your Mistress as to the reasons She thinks being in love is harmful to Y/your D/s relationship.

subtoFemDommes -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (2/20/2006 1:49:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtdop1 i have met someone and know that w/We are falling in love with e/Each other. it is really hard because She does not know if this is a good thing and i feel that it is wonderful to connect and be close and still respect Her as a true slave should. feel that it is wonderful to connect and be close and still respect Her as a true slave should. Within and without every form of relationship, there are different motivations and perspectives about the "other." Whether in D/s, where a million prescriptions for the Dominant and submissive role reside, or in vanilla marriages of love, convenience, sexual need or, as in many societies, sheer survival, people determine why they would be better off to be in such a relationship, what value each element of it has, and what, to them, "love" is. For myself (emphasis added) i cannot imagine a D/s (or any other kind of intimate, committed relationship) that i would be motivated to be in, or satisfied by, without love. Deep, caring, trusting, committed, love. And i've had the temptation to be in others; one where i'd have been treated very fairly by a good person, kept in material riches and allowed reasonable freedoms. But i wouldn't have been in love. No matter what anyone here can tell you about their perspectives, there are only two that matter, subtdop1; yours and Hers. If, as you say, to "connect and be close" (to love) is "wonderful" and that is what you need to make you whole, yet "She does not know if this is a good thing" don't ignore that. Your D/s relations will not compensate, or overcome the emptiness that will surely follow if She decides that being in love with you is not something She feels is a "good thing." Unfortunately, our cravings can lead us into relationships where we attempt to compromise elements in order to get others. Your profile states quote: i wish to remain a person to some extent, and to be allowed to be connected in a much deeper and meaningful relationship than being a thing.... i am much more than a thing.... is that wrong? To me, it seems that when you began your search, you were aware of deeper needs, a stronger connection ... gasp! Love! If this is the profile you had when your Mistress found you, did She initiate some discussion of those needs? Did you in any way diminish them, or did She indicate that wasn't something She felt comfortable with? These are only issues you and She can address, or look at anew. And keep this in mind: A Dominant is every bit as vulnerable as a submissive, sometimes more so. Let Her know how much being open to you means, how deeply You want to fulfill Her needs, learn of Her desires and protect Her heart. After that, you'll know if you've found what everyone really wants, being accepted for who you really are and knowing someone trusts you and wants your acceptance in the same way. Kind of like ... being in love.

JustCatherine -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/2/2006 12:49:53 PM)
i found it the oppisite, i fell hard and fast for my ex sub, and i got scared many times, always wanting to back off, and then i let myself get comfortable, sadly we split not very long ago and things are hard, because i fell so strongly i would go as far as to say that i love him, but i dont think ill ever let myself fall that hard or fast ever again it hurts too much when its over........ Catherine

soldierfunuk -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/3/2006 1:05:41 PM)
Mistress and I are madly in love, it works for us.

littleone35 -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/4/2006 7:43:37 AM)
Master and i are very much in love. As a matter of fact i fall more in love with him every day. It is hard to love when it is not returned. Matt's littleone

PhDslave -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/4/2006 10:38:22 AM)
Catherine, You're awfully young to foreswear ever falling in love with your slave. You have a lot to offer and there are males out there who are capable of sustaining a life long relationship.

porcelaine -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/4/2006 10:47:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: subtdop1 i have met someone and know that w/We are falling in love with e/Each other. it is really hard because She does not know if this is a good thing and i feel that it is wonderful to connect and be close and still respect Her as a true slave should. i would love to hear opinions on whether this should happen or if it can happen and whether or not it can work or if i am just kidding myself. i Love this Mistress/Woman and She has told me that She loves me. She feels out of control and has started to work it back to much more formal and sterile between u/Us and i wondered also what the process might look like from those who have been through it. Congratulations on finding one to love who loves you in return. It a moment to be savored and appreciated by both. Her behavior doesn't strike me as odd at all. For the heart is the hardest thing to control. Try as we might it won't be denied. It takes great fortitude to do so. I would encourage you to listen and be supportive. Don't push and allow her to speak candidly. Even if her words do not mirror what you've expressed, it is important that her voice is heard. Perhaps the formality will provide the safety she needs to proceed forward at a slower pace. You will find that once you've given into your passions, it is very hard to turn back the clock so to speak. Sometimes by taking a few steps back we set the stage to move confidently ahead. Trust in her and in all that you share. What appears to be a setback may be a new beginning. porcelaine

MichMasochist -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/5/2006 3:02:07 PM)
Haven't read the thread but why not? To me a dominating lady is more powerfull and erotic than a vanilla lady. I say go for it why be alone just because your partner is kinky? Unless of course you have no respect, or loose respect, for a man who is slave or submissive? Or asks for certain acts to be done to him? Hmm, that sounds like a good subject for another thread.

Arastella -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/24/2006 7:34:26 PM)
Mistress and I are VERY deeply in love, but I still serve her as a slave should. Of course it can work, in fact it makes the relationship not only stronger but deeper.

MistressKita -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/24/2006 7:55:25 PM)
With worship and domination you end up giving a part of love into the relationship because this is who you are and being dominated or worshiped by the one you are partnered with indeed leads to love because without following your true nature means that you do not love yourself and to have someone that can experience this life with you and do all the things accompanied then you are open to loving that person fully and completely. When I enter into my domination of a submissive it is with complete love for them so that they are fully aware that their mistress will be there for them and take care of them and they do not have to chose another to give them what they need as it makes for them to do what they are designed for without contempt. So although she has a struggle you should just continue to be there showing her how much you love her and willing to do what it takes to be her underling and she needs to know that she can still be strong and dominant and explore all the avenues entitled to her.

behindmirrors -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/24/2006 8:29:52 PM)
Tim- I believe that you can be in love and still maintain respect- in fact, it is my belief that being in love with your D/s partner can greatly enhance the connection you share with them. I respect my Dom without question- and I love him without question. I would not have submitted so readily had that love not been there, and certainly would have had more trepidation in pushing my limits had I not known that we loved each other and that I was safe in that love. I wish you the best with your Domme, and figure out what works for you guys- it may not be a bad idea to show her these responses. It would give both of you something to talk about. behindmirrors.

MistressTaboo -> RE: falling in love with Mistress (9/24/2006 8:44:50 PM)
After 3yrs of serving I married my slave. We’ve been together for over 6yrs now. There is something special about being married to your slave. They know you like no other submissive will. But I will caution that I don’t think people spend enough time out of the scene to see if the vanilla side is compatible too. Too often they break up over vanilla issues rather than BDSM issues. Set aside one evening a night to do something completely vanilla. Go to dinner and a movie. Go to a concert. Remember in a normal vanilla relationship most of the compromises are made by the woman. In this case You as the submissive male are going to be making more. She might be a little scared. Lord knows I was. I couldn’t believe that I was falling for a play toy. And even once I said the words I was cautious. I kept expecting him to run for the hills with each new adventure. Little did I know he was unshakable and here for the long haul. Just be patient and let her move at her own pace. Don’t pressure her. Mistress Taboo

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