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StrangerThan -> RE: Its so sad... (7/2/2009 10:10:02 PM)
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I don't think the goal is impossible. I think sometimes the expectations surrounding the search for it however, are - which in turn, makes the reality more difficult to attain. I've been here before in one incarnation or another a couple of times, but never sought anyone from this site. I find many to come across as, and this will probably spark some ire, but jaded. I don't deal well with that mindset. Today's letdowns are tomorrows challenges, and those who have forgotten how to dream are wrecks along the road.
Too often I see people spout more acronyms than the military, and seem to forget in the process that there's an actual living, breathing, fallible and always imperfect person they're trying to fit into all those categories without wanting to do any of the work. Too often it seems people want the goal without traveling the road, or feel that because they have traveled the road, everything and everyone not already at the destination is somehow less.
I figure, I will never be at the destination. That's the place you languish, the place where stories end, the place for happily ever afters that apparently no longer have challenges associated with them since all the dragons have been slain once one reaches it. I feel fortunate that I have a relationship that is a good one, that is built upon more than the bindings and instruments and the trappings. I also know down deep that if I didn't have it, there would still be a need to see what lay beyond the next horizon, a dream to follow, and a reason to keep going even if my direction wasn't specific to D/s. I've read often excerpts that indicate dominant and submissive aren't descriptions, they are who a person is. I'll grant that cliche it's moment of truth, but the piece lacking from it, is that same Dominant and submissive also have many other sides to them. There's a triad involved with a relationship where all three legs must stand if the relationship stands, and those must address the mental, physical and emotional aspects of it. Never will those three legs be fully addressed by one aspect of a personality unless maybe one has a severe case of obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I had basically given up when I found my girl, and when I met her, the urge was not so much to dominate, but to discover all the different sides of her, to find the places that needed a dominant, to set free those that needed to be free, and to figure out in the process if my own needs would be met. Maybe that was the key for me. Everything before that, no matter how good, had that circus feel to it, meaning a place you you enjoy, but one that doesn't belong to you. Maybe that's why I've grown over the years to despise the word play in association with D/s, because I got tired of simply playing and people who simply played. Maybe it's because I realized that's what I'd been doing and had not been devoted to maintainnig all three legs of that triad, in short, not doing the work. Maybe it's because I realized that no one else can tell me how to satisfy my needs, nor define the 'right' way to do so. Maybe it's because I realized my happiness was not based upon someone else.
Dunno.
What I do know is that when I lost the urge to 'look', I found her. And maybe what that tells me is that I'd reached the point where I was willing to do the work for a relationship, and not just a good time.
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