RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle?????

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/5/2009 4:09:41 PM

ranja

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It all depends on how harsh the regime is and how sexual...
If one likes to serve as a naked slave and receive many beatings i think the kids are best left out of it obviously either put them in boarding school or with the other parent...
But if two consenting adults live a sub/Dom life with some discipline and they keep sex in the bedroom or locked dungeon i think a set of rules and sort of program can be lived by and be a good clear structure for kids to grow up with.

As for people who have served as children...i think sometimes memories might be over romantisized.... my paternal grand parents were great role models for me... i loved how they were together as a couple and how they loved me as their grand daughter... and they were deffo old fashioned Dom/sub household... she taught me so much about how to please a man with her attitude and love for him and he was so at ease with taking responsibility... unfortunately my own parents royally failed as a couple, but i probably learned from that aswell.

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/5/2009 5:16:11 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MeaganBlake

This is a fascinating thread. I myself am childfree, but my slave has a 16-year-old son who lives with him. Right now it's not much of an issue because we live several states apart. When the time comes for me to relocate, though, it is something we shall certainly have to discuss in depth. I'm hoping maybe the UM will be away at college by that time.

If this is your attitude, I strongly suggest you rethink this relationship. This boy will be home on multiple occasions, all summer, possibly even unable to find a job after college and having to live at home. Can you say you would welcome him? Because if not, you are setting up a situation where you are demanding the sub choose between the offspring and the dominant.

You've been there a year or two at most, this child has been there his whole life. If you force a decision, you lose.

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/6/2009 1:27:57 AM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: MeaganBlake

This is a fascinating thread. I myself am childfree, but my slave has a 16-year-old son who lives with him. Right now it's not much of an issue because we live several states apart. When the time comes for me to relocate, though, it is something we shall certainly have to discuss in depth. I'm hoping maybe the UM will be away at college by that time.

If this is your attitude, I strongly suggest you rethink this relationship. This boy will be home on multiple occasions, all summer, possibly even unable to find a job after college and having to live at home. Can you say you would welcome him? Because if not, you are setting up a situation where you are demanding the sub choose between the offspring and the dominant.

You've been there a year or two at most, this child has been there his whole life. If you force a decision, you lose.

Mmmm, hoping the child will be absent isn't unreasonable.....but some things come as a package.

Having, what feels like LOADS of kids, it'd have been a disaster if I wasn't viewed as a *package*.

I have a childless friend that REALLY doesn't quite *get* parenthood. She has rigid ideas that people often have when they haven't hiked that particular road. It's not something I can explain to her as it really is a *need to have done it* thing.

agirl

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/6/2009 7:45:03 AM

pixidustpet

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after reading the entire thread...

i have imps. the older one has inadvertantly heard things going on when she was 18...comes of staying home from school and not letting me know (she normally caught the bus before i was up to get the younger imp away in the am). after that, she made sure to let me KNOW she was home.

the younger one figured things out when he was 14. and got what explainations were necessary.

i was raised in a southern household. mama raised me to defer to men, to fetch and carry and make sure the man of the house (my dad) was happy, NEVER to step between him and the television when NASCAR was on (or football) and things like that. he was the head of the household, and he came first. period.

i'm now married to my Dominant. and from the outside at the moment it looks as though HE is the sub because he is taking care of quite a few things *because* i have some acute health issues going on and i cant do some of the things i should. (making potato salad from the BED was interesting on july 4th. he had never made it before...so took my direction, and brought the final ingredients to me in bed so i could combine them. the younger imp was amused by this.)

basically, blended (or not) families are interesting. there *is* a hierarchy here, TheEngineer is top dog. i come second. if the imp is here, i deal with most issues, although TheEngineer will step in and ask (not order) the imp to do some chore-type things around the house, especially if i'm not being able to. i think that's fair, and apparently the imp is ok with it because i've heard no bitching.

other than that, what happens in the bedroom STAYS in the bedroom. not that much IS at the moment, but still.

kitten

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/6/2009 8:36:08 AM

olena

Posts: 97
Joined: 12/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

1. My sub's um's are not Mine. They are not being raised in My home. They already have two parents and I am not their third. They do know that I am his Dominant. I take no part in making the decisions about their upbringing. I will from time to time offer an opinion in conversation if something related to one of them comes up in discussion. That's it. In My view, any power or authority obtained through BDSM does not extend to non adults.

If I were helping to raise them or if they lived with Me, then I would certainly have the same responsibilities as any other step family. Things like reminding them to take out the trash or to pick up their room. I would still expect him to have the authority over them and make the parental decisions for them.

2. It would be My opinion that you may be using two different points of reference. In some matters, all from both households have been/are being raised in the lifestyle. There's never been a time that the collar came off just because there were little people in the room. My authority over him does not stop and the D/s dynamic doesn't cease. That's awareness, not service.

As to the latter, that may be someone's history prior to being of age to legally consent. It will certainly not be their experience with Me. In no way at any time will I condone it for those in My company and I can promise you that I will not be in their company long.

I liked this a lot.

#1 The dynamic is irrelevant to raising a child. If the dominant is not the natural parent but chooses to live with a parent who has custody then they have the responsibility and natural human behavior to have input on how the child is raised. If the real parent whether living with the dominant or is the ex does not like or approve of how this person interacts or demands how the child is to be raised then the real parent needs to grow up and be unselfish and take parenting for what it has to be, the number one priority in their life with no close second.

#2 It is foolish to think that one cannot have a power exchange relationship and not have children involved in their life. It does not have to be inferred that one raised with M/s parents that it must mean some sick way they were actively included in the dynamic or BDSM portion.

Children are always smarter then what we give them credit for. They know often more then the actual parents if the parents are happy, love and in a healthy relationship with each other and if they are in a crappy and unhealthy one. Children raised in warm and loving homes tend to want to repeat those conditions in their adult life. Children raised in unloving and crappy homes can revolt and seek out opposite ways to have a relationship. I would think any person raised with M/s parents can eventually figure out what they are about and if they want the same type of life they would then emulate that.

We never hid our dynamic from our daughter. We just never talked about it or dressed in costumes. I do not think she ever realized other then her Dad was strict and demanding of me and that I was a submissive and obedient wife that our life was anything out of the ordinary in terms of the power exchange stuff. It was not until her Dad had passed and after some time I went looking for another and she saw from older eyes what I was attracted to and what I hated in a man did she start to think that Mom was not just slightly different then the average woman. That I did not remotely deep down resent or think that I was oppressed or wishing things were different.

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/6/2009 8:38:57 AM

Leonidas

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First of all I'd like to offer up a thank you to the moderators for loosening up the restrictions to the point where this thread is possible. It's an issue that is certainly relevant that we were unable to discuss here at all for years.

To the questions at hand:

1. It depends on what you mean by "application of authority".

If the dominant is really dominant (i.e. not just during play time) then it's reasonable to assume that they are going to be the head of the household, authority figure, call it what you like. They set the ground rules by which the household runs. Is it unreasonable to assume that the minor members of the household are obedient to those rules, and respect the authority of the head of the household? No, I don't think that it is.

Regardless of the power structure in the household, I think that it's wholly inappropriate to expect or require that a minor comport themselves as a slave toward the Master, if you will, of the house. Surrendering your freedom and submitting yourself as a slave is the act of a man or woman who was emancipated to begin with. Dependant minors are not, and it's plain dead wrong for them to be put in the position of making that choice.

2. My children have been "raised" in the lifestyle. They have not, do not, and will not "serve" anyone until they are first emancipated, and can then make that choice for themselves. That goes for the children of the slaves of my household too. They are dependant children. They have been "raised in the lifestyle" to the extent that the nature of the relationships between the adults in the household have not been hidden from them.

In my opinion after 20 years of living this way, if your D/s relationship begins and ends in the bedroom, or at the play party, and you see it as an enhancement to your sex life, but it doesn't really have anything to do with the actual lines of authority in the household, it really isn't any more necessary for your collective children to be aware of than any other aspect of your sex life.

If it is a whole way of life to you, your children are going to be "raised in the lifestyle" regardless. The only question then becomes whether you are proud of the way that you live, or ashamed of it. If you are ashamed, and try to hide it, you can forget any notion of being able to do so. It'll take your children about 5 minutes to recognize that you are ashamed and hiding something from them which will only give them the impression that there is something naughty going on at their house. That's not a position you want to put your children in.

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/9/2009 9:32:04 AM

agirl

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Your views on this entirely echo mine Leonidas...but over the years, I've found that most of your views do.

This was a really refreshing post to read.

agirl

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/9/2009 10:17:18 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Leonidas

In my opinion after 20 years of living this way, if your D/s relationship begins and ends in the bedroom, or at the play party, and you see it as an enhancement to your sex life, but it doesn't really have anything to do with the actual lines of authority in the household, it really isn't any more necessary for your collective children to be aware of than any other aspect of your sex life.

If it is a whole way of life to you, your children are going to be "raised in the lifestyle" regardless. The only question then becomes whether you are proud of the way that you live, or ashamed of it. If you are ashamed, and try to hide it, you can forget any notion of being able to do so. It'll take your children about 5 minutes to recognize that you are ashamed and hiding something from them which will only give them the impression that there is something naughty going on at their house. That's not a position you want to put your children in.

i'm dittoing agirl here, this is the best post i've ever read considering the topic of raising children within a D/s household.

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RE: Children and BDSM lifestyle????? - 7/9/2009 12:27:04 PM

ladyofthecastle

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There is an umm in our house that is his and not mine but he is raised by both of us. The situation in life is simply a reversal of what umms in the 1950's would have seen. I am pampered from the time I get up. In all thoughts it is our umm and not his. Umm is not treated any differently then any other umm. He does homework at the kitchen table, and has chores after dinner.

It has been previously choosen that I am mainly responsible for umm because I am just a naturally maternal person. Those that come into our house are simply introduced as friends and nothing besides perhaps a few collars are seen and that most of the friends are mine and not his fathers.

As for any additional umms there can be no exact rule. If a person comes into our relationship with umms then it is the parents call. We have a communial mentality that all adults are to be respected, though exact rules will be set by the parent at all times. I may decide a later bedtime is acceptable but I will then go to my pet and let him know that umm may begin staying up later. This way umm sees his parent as the one in charge of him and making life decisions for him.

Walk into almost any high school and you will see students wearing collars so it is becoming more acceptable.

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