She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/3/2009 7:13:05 PM)



Can a woman be "too kinky" for a man?  That is to say - she is "MUCH MORE KINKY" in her experiences, desires, and background, but she is perfectly fine going at the speed and level of the man; the issue is not that she is pushing him or making him uncomfortable or not respecting his limits. But when he looks at what she has done and what she is capable of, it's just way kinkier than anything he has experienced.  Then what?

A girlfriend of mine told me that she felt that very few men would be "turned off" by an extremely kinky, nasty girl (sexually) - that if she was much more wild and kinky than he was, even if it were things he wasn't into, he'd still find it hot.   Can a woman be too kinky?

Male subs: If a woman is into kinks that you are NOT into, but she totally respects your limits, do you find it kind of hot that she's done these things, or do you prefer to not think about it?

Do you THINK about the things your kinky lady has done, or prefer to keep them out of your head because they are "weird?"


Akasha



malloves69 -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/3/2009 7:38:12 PM)

when i first started seeing my current mistress she was way more kinkier then i ....over time she has pushed more of my limits then i thought anyone could ever do so ..do i regret it ? ..heck no the ride with her has been awesome indeed [:)] its been exciting ...scary at times ...but my trust in her has grown to a alltime high then it ever has been before with any woman that has been in my life [:)] i just wished i started sooner ...she is very sexually aggressive and dominant and she has played that role with me to a T [:)] i love her being in control and i love our times together [:)] when i first started i was very vanilla indeed ...i love sex but it was getting old and boring being married to the same woman for over 10 plus years ..when i met her that all changed ..she is a amazing woman indeed and i love the power and strength she has shared with me her being the dominant lady and me being the submissive male ..my only wish is i wish i was married to her but i am not ...i could only imagine what it would be like to be in a 24/7 relationship with her [:)] she changed me in a big way and i thank her for it everytime we are together which is usually once or twice a week ...yes it can work ..but the man has to change for the woman and be open to it to at least try it what she wants to see if thats for you too [:)] we went to vegas together for a weekend and that was the best trip i have ever had with anyone ...and hey we hardly even gambled together ..i was shocked how well it went and i think she was too ...love a lady in control ..mal [:)]



DavanKael -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/3/2009 8:17:41 PM)

I am waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more kinky than my ex-.  We were together for 17 years.  I'd say after about the first 3 or 4 (And, we got together when I was 15 and a virgin, he was 17) it was reeeeeeeeeeally clear that my interests and willingnesses far surpassed his. 
I can't say anyone I've been with has 'out-kinked' me, though we've sometimes had different primary interests. 
I should point out, though, that it's not so much about the kink as the relationship in its totality but if a partner is really selfish that is a huge problem. 
  Davan



Lashra -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/3/2009 9:05:42 PM)

I have had vanilla guys say to me that they knew they couldn't handle what I would dish out or what I would desire from them. I had one tell me that I scared him. So yeah I am too kinky for many men and perhaps not kinky enough for others.  But for now, I've got one that is just right for me.

~Lashra



Missokyst -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/3/2009 9:23:10 PM)

My current play partner is not as twisted as I.  He is however very nice and we have similar interests.  I do periodically mention that I am someone who can play hard, but to date he still takes a more romantic view on what we do.  I do think one partner can be out kinked, but if things work out in other areas it is ok. 
Kyst



SimplyMichael -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/3/2009 10:50:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

Can a woman be "too kinky" for a man? 

Akasha



quote:


. But when he looks at what she has done and what she is capable of, it's just way kinkier than anything he has experienced.  Then what?



The answer to both of these depends.  How secure is the guy and how good at being supportive is she?

I can think of at least one woman who asked me to do things to her that I just wasn't ready to do.  I can think of women who had extensive experience that made me feel small and inadequate and others who made me feel like a stud.

Same goes for me, back when I didn't have a lot of experience, I could undermine a woman so fast it would make her head spin, I have now done things most people can't even imagine and if my next partner was vanilla, she would never have a moments doubt that she was "enough" for me.





onlyfreelycaged -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 12:00:12 AM)

yes, I am too kinky for most men. But, so long as I have an outlet for my kink, and the man is secure, it really doesn't matter.



LadyPact -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 12:59:36 AM)

I think it really does depend on the male.  Even though MP has found his own Dom streak now, I'm definitely the kinkier one of us.  I'm certainly the more sadistic one.  There are absolutely scenes of Mine that he has no desire to even watch, let alone participate.  He still reaps the benefits sexually.  I've certainly never heard him complain that the scene I did last week still had Me so turned on that I'm still horny today and can't wait to nail him as soon as he walks in the door.  He just chuckles and says the motor is still running.

So, in our case, your girlfriend is right.  It may not be the case for everybody, but it is for us.



Slrn733561 -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 1:33:33 AM)

If my Mistress is into kinks that I'm not into, I'm trying to understand and to learn. I love that, even if She goes a little further than my limits. My mind starts running the movie in my head over and over again aftherwoods and it's kind of erotic.



allthatjaz -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 1:44:11 AM)

In the context of vanilla I think I would probably frighten the average man in the bedroom [:D] For all the years I was married I was pushing for sexual control and my ex husband being a vanilla man with no desire to submit found it all a bit rough! For him kinky sex was watching a porn movie and then using the contents to bring him off but he never really wanted me to grab him by the hair, slap his face and tell him to give me some decent woman worship.
Its easy in this lifestyle to believe that all men like a bit of rough and tumble in the bedroom but I think that a lot of men just like sex without any fancy extras.



Apocalypso -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 2:17:18 AM)

It's not so much about being "more" or "less" kinky for me, as it is about the specifics of individual kinks.

If a sub is heavily into a kink that I'm not into, odds are that we're not going to be sexually compatible.



MsFlutter -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 4:14:07 AM)

::raising right hand:: I solemnly swear that yes, a woman CAN be too kinky for a man.
 
I've had this same conversation sooooooooooo many times. I've actually SAID 'I suspect I'm too kinky for you' and the response was a testosterone-driven 'oh I'm sure you're not'. Riiiiiiiiight.
 
The mistake there was thinking the big head would hear and process what I had just said. Instead, unsurprisingly, the little head was saying 'hey - it would be sex - how bad could it be...really??'
 
I'm not the ambushing type but sometimes it can be fun to just scare the bejabbers out of a tourist.  (If they are a tourist, it would take much so its all on a sliding scale.)  Did that a couple times - to this day they are still incredibly curious about the cookies I told them are served on the dark side.
 
Rhetorical question: As long as you keep them safe and they aren't screaming for help out the windows, is it really so awful to give them memories that will make them blush under the covers and sprout a stiffy when they think of it?



hardbodysub -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 5:59:25 AM)

It doesn't make any difference at all. Kinkier, less kinky, just as kinky, all that matters is what happens between us.



DesFIP -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 6:03:41 AM)

Wouldn't work for me, I would always feel the other person was waiting for me to catch up and that kind of unspoken pressure and expectation is a killer. Besides, the chances are good I may never catch up. I'm never going to want to play with needles, or have a singletail applied to my clit, or any of the kinds of stuff discussed here regularly.

So then what? If he never progresses and she's gotten herself into a relationship with someone who cannot fulfill her needs? Recipe for disaster, that.



daddysliloneds -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 6:06:36 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

...<snip>A girlfriend of mine told me that she felt that very few men would be "turned off" by an extremely kinky, nasty girl (sexually) - that if she was much more wild and kinky than he was, even if it were things he wasn't into, he'd still find it hot...<snip>


i'd have to say this is bullshit, but then again that's only based on my personal experience.




leadership527 -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 7:02:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Can a woman be "too kinky" for a man?  That is to say - she is "MUCH MORE KINKY" in her experiences, desires, and background, but she is perfectly fine going at the speed and level of the man; the issue is not that she is pushing him or making him uncomfortable or not respecting his limits. But when he looks at what she has done and what she is capable of, it's just way kinkier than anything he has experienced.  Then what?

Well, in Carol's and my case, we got married and lived happily ever after.

quote:

A girlfriend of mine told me that she felt that very few men would be "turned off" by an extremely kinky, nasty girl (sexually) - that if she was much more wild and kinky than he was, even if it were things he wasn't into, he'd still find it hot.   Can a woman be too kinky?

Sure she can. In the above paragraph you indicated a woman who was willing to achieve some sort of compromise. But if the woman in question was unable to "dial it down" to at least meet in the middle somewhere, then it would end up being incompatible.

quote:

Do you THINK about the things your kinky lady has done, or prefer to keep them out of your head because they are "weird?"

Sometimes I think about them. Sometimes those thoughts are hot. I never saw them as "weird". My own sexual limitations are mine in my own head. I don't think others are bad for exceeding them. In fact, I envy them.

In the end, the issue here isn't going to be the different levels of kinkiness involved. It's going to be whether or not this couple can find a compromise. That is, of course, the great challenge of any couple on a great many different topics.



Mercnbeth -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 7:08:42 AM)

quote:

Can a woman be "too kinky" for a man?


Not this man - but I'd enjoy having her try!

As Michael said, with a bit of confidence it could be the start of a great wonderful relationship. However, beth takes another angle.

she says that a man may enjoy such a woman for a night, or even a long weekend, but long term; its been her experience that men are threatened by such a woman. Even without the kink aspect involved, as she puts it "guys don't want a slut" , they want someone who is slutty (or kinky) for them just for them, because they are "special". More kinky than them poses a threat to their masculinity, sexuality, experience, and their ability to talk about it during gym class the next the morning. she doesn't think its confidence she thinks its ego a 'man' thing; more akin to wanting to marry a 'virgin' but not thinking that same requirement appropriate for them.

Now to me - I LOVE a challenge. "Too Kinky?" Let me see you try!



NextDoorMan -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 7:23:52 AM)

As a submissive, I don't see "too kinky" as a problem, as long as it isn't forced on me.  Not "kinky enough" is a different issue.  With this situation it's a matter of not having needs met.  So I don't mind her being "too kinky", as long as she thinks I am "kinky enough".



MsFlutter -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 8:42:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NextDoorMan

As a submissive, I don't see "too kinky" as a problem, as long as it isn't forced on me.  Not "kinky enough" is a different issue.  With this situation it's a matter of not having needs met.  So I don't mind her being "too kinky", as long as she thinks I am "kinky enough".


awww - I like that answer !



SimplyMichael -> RE: She is way more kinky than you are. Now what? (7/4/2009 8:57:16 AM)

I am a bit weird but for me, "kink" is WAY down the list of what is important for me in a relationship.  I am NOT my kinks and in fact, what is hot for me isn't any particular kink, it is turning my partner on.  SO, if my partner was into X and I just could not bring myself to do X, I would use my skills to get her turned on by something else I AM good at.  If she just HAD to have X, and otherwise things were great, I would just work out a way for her to get that need met. 

I have my insecurities but as long as I know her heart belongs to me, all things are possible.



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