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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: "what's love got to do with it?" (7/5/2009 2:08:04 PM)
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I'm not really big on the "L" word. To me, it's one of those 'rare-to-use' words like "promise". I think people get caught up in the attraction/lust, and when the intensity fades and they start seeing all the -other- aspects of the person they're with (and they start getting annoyed by those little cute habits that aren't so cute anymore), the lust isn't enough to hold things together, and the resentment sets in.
It seems to me that, over the years, one thing I've noticed is that people, in general, tend to have difficulty with getting rid of their 'clutter', whether it's physical clutter or emotional clutter. They hang on to things and people -long- after there is any healthy benefit in having them around. I think the reason people end up feeling so 'beaten up' at the end of a relationship is because they -cling-... they cling to all the little hurts, all the missed opportunities, all the mistakes, traumas, bitterness, and anger that, frankly, are a normal part of a healthy relationship, and go right along with all the fun, closeness, affection, and intimacy.
Crappy prognoses from insensitive doctors really have a way of kicking a person into gear, and cleaning out those overstuffed 'crises closets' if they tend to be motivated that way. I was. So along with the screwed up diagnosis, I made some decisions about how I was going to live my life, and what kind of intensity really moved me forward instead of dragging my life down into the cellar. So now, my general rule of thumb is to treat every single day as if it's the last day I'll ever have. I make sure the people whom I cherish know that they're cherished, I don't hold on to old anger and useless baggage, and I don't hold on to people that don't want to be part of my life. For me, that helps me to deal with the endings of things without having to blame or hurt forever just so I have something to feed my intensity addiction.
Dame Calla
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