RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma

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DemonKia -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 8:44:40 AM)
FR, after read thru I have to watch myself for burnout, something I noticed about myself long before I got involved in the out-&-organized kink world. I've learned to follow my instincts, especially around taking care of myself, giving myself all the time & space I need . . . . . Whatever 'it' is, if it's not on my terms & my timetable I'm gonna have difficulty digesting . . .. As to the matter of toys & such: I collect those without goals or purpose, jus' cuz I like to . . . . I add to my fetishwear collection with no partner in sight because those things are for me, they bring me pleasure to own, to know that I have if I should need . . . .. I've been collecting that stuff for long before I had parties to go to, or play partners to share them with, & I continue acquiring them despite being focused on being a solo act these days. Some of it is an act of faith that someday there will be somebody to appreciate, but even if that never pans out, I still like my suitcases full of pervery . .. .. .

ScarlettJones -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 9:51:16 AM)
I am so sorry to hear this. I too went through a period of about 6 months last year in which I felt the same. Sorry if someone has already said this but: I found that I had a bit of time off from the scene, Also I now have a nice balance between the two life styles. Now I only go to a club once every 2 or 3 months, have more vanilla sex then other, only come onto these sites about 2 or 3 times a week and ignore the time wasters instead just talk to my friends. Maybe a bit of time out might do you good but please don't sell any of your stuff. Even if you decide to never come back you can keep it all and one day look back and remind yourself of the great times you had with this one toy.... I hope you find your kink again. Godd luck.

Ambyant -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 10:33:50 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Get to the UK, get to a pub to meet me, and we'll get slaughtered. End of problem. I believe peon's got something there - As an artist, sometimes caught in doldrums between impassioned sessions, I get together with My artist buds. It totally helps! I wish you the best ~Zya

Venatrix -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 11:21:12 AM)
Another fast reply: First of all, I'd like to say how helpful it is to know that others have felt the same way and not gone wandering off to vanilla-land for a permanent stay. I also spent some time last night thinking about what the real problem is: Is it the kink or is it the men? Given that the two are intertwined, it's difficult to decide where one part of the problem begins or ends, but after some thought, I've come to the conclusion that it's the men. Or a lot of them. Not all of them, but enough to make me wonder if it's all worth the effort. That's the thing that will need to be resolved in time. A few specific replies: Peon - I'm not sure if you're suggesting that meeting you is the answer to my problem, getting drunk is the answer to my problem, or some combination thereof. I find the first and third options a bit frightening. The second one I could do by myself this weekend. LP- Excellent comments, as usual. BDSM is, for me, a form of foreplay, so I won't generally play with someone I don't foresee being sexually attracted to at some point, even if sex isn't in the offing in the near future. In order to feel sexually attracted, I have to be mentally attracted, and in order to be mentally attracted, our entire interaction can't revolve around kink, so we're back to weeding out the decent ones from the perv-obsessed. Lady Hib - Brilliant idea. Yes, the toys would have to be packed at some point, assuming that I kept them, so it makes sense to get them boxed up now and out of my line of sight, as they're only hanging there in silent reminder of all the play sessions that never took place because the "gentleman" in question didn't have the fortitude to show up even for dinner and drinks. So, yes, I'll keep the toys. The cat actually might enjoy playing with the whips; maybe if I attached some feathers to the ends? Seriously, the only time I'm crabby lately is when it comes to (some) men, so I just need to come up with a different way of dealing with them, assuming I decide to deal with them at all. I'm liking the grow-your-own-sub idea more and more. I could just stick them out on the fire escape when they become troublesome.

vasha -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 11:49:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VampiresLair Funny thing about breaks, those are when I have had my best luck meeting people. I met Angel during the aforementioned break when I made a completely unrelated comment to him about a network issue he was having at school. He was a slave, but we werent talking on that level and so it never turned into the whiny let me serve you stuff, and the completely natural progression rekindled my interests more than anything contrived could have. You find the best things when you arent looking. I met Fox similiarly, when I was taking a break after Angel and I hit a bump in our road together when he started exploring his dominant side, and with that had less time for me. I was starting to reconsider being in the lifestyle again, becasue it was getting boring and stereotypical and predictable. Then I met Fox, again, without an interest in having him serve but just talking to him as a mentor. We clicked unexpectedly. She's very right. when youre not activly looking, that's when it happens. otherwise, most find the wrong one(s). im not entirally sure why this is. i also agree literally 100% of everything Lady Pact says here. good fortuante to you, whatever you decide. ~vasha

Reigna -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 12:33:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: vasha when youre not activly looking, that's when it happens. otherwise, most find the wrong one(s). im not entirally sure why this is. I hear this a lot, so it must be true for some. Not for me. I'm only mildly extroverted, and getting out to meet people feels like hard work to me. I met my partner 3 years ago after a concerted and sometimes downright grim campaign of placing and answering ads, and networking. (This latter method worked, after I asked--I swear!--every pervert in town, "Say, do you know any unattached subs I should meet?") It was worthwhile, finally, but it was downright grim at times and I hope never to have to repeat the process.

frankx -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 12:50:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix .... I'm liking the grow-your-own-sub idea more and more. I could just stick them out on the fire escape when they become troublesome. From seed or cutting? Well, both sound rather yucky. But if you planted several you could enjoy pinching out the weedy ones. But honestly, I don't have much advice other than don't act too quickly. Take time. You have so many other things to deal with at the moment, V. And fingers crossed on those.

Venatrix -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 1:25:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: frankx quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix .... I'm liking the grow-your-own-sub idea more and more. I could just stick them out on the fire escape when they become troublesome. From seed or cutting? Well, both sound rather yucky. But if you planted several you could enjoy pinching out the weedy ones. But honestly, I don't have much advice other than don't act too quickly. Take time. You have so many other things to deal with at the moment, V. And fingers crossed on those. Frank, have you slipped out of your electronic monitoring bracelet again? Thanks for the encouragement. Check your e-mail.

PeonForHer -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 1:31:16 PM)
Peon - I'm not sure if you're suggesting that meeting you is the answer to my problem, getting drunk is the answer to my problem, or some combination thereof. I find the first and third options a bit frightening. The second one I could do by myself this weekend. Come, come. I'd love to have you for lunch with a fine chianti, ff, ff, ff. Let me put it another way. It seems to me that the fantasies, hopes and (occasional) excitements of the Great BDSM Idea are bound up with the disappointments and dejections that so often come when one tries to see that idea into reality. My suggestion is that those ups and those downs are two sides of the same coin and that you need a break from both.the latter and the former. You need some ordinary good times to recharge those batteries. That's said as a more general thing. However, right now you have specific, and quite heavy-duty practical matters, to deal with on top of all that. On a list of the biggest twenty stress inducers I saw once, moving house was one of the first five. Yet, you're not just about to move house, it's way more of an upheaval than that . . . . Let me put it a third way. Any man in your position would be saying goodbye to stiffies for a while to come. I certainly would. My libido - all my sense of romance, even - would have dropped into a coma by now. Time for friends, not lovers; boozing in pubs and not piddling with subs.

rouletteslave -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 1:54:22 PM)
At the risk of slighting my own kind, there seems a preponderance of immature submissive men with totally unrealistic expectations in the scene. This is only exacerbated when you confine your search to BDSM internet sites. I think the best matches seem to happen in vanilla or quasi-vanilla settings. That's been my experience anyway.

frankx -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 2:14:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix quote: ORIGINAL: frankx quote: ORIGINAL: Venatrix .... I'm liking the grow-your-own-sub idea more and more. I could just stick them out on the fire escape when they become troublesome. From seed or cutting? Well, both sound rather yucky. But if you planted several you could enjoy pinching out the weedy ones. But honestly, I don't have much advice other than don't act too quickly. Take time. You have so many other things to deal with at the moment, V. And fingers crossed on those. Frank, have you slipped out of your electronic monitoring bracelet again? Thanks for the encouragement. Check your e-mail. A little marge goes a long way V. Email checked.

frankx -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 2:32:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rouletteslave At the risk of slighting my own kind, there seems a preponderance of immature submissive men with totally unrealistic expectations in the scene. This is only exacerbated when you confine your search to BDSM internet sites. I think the best matches seem to happen in vanilla or quasi-vanilla settings. That's been my experience anyway. The internet is full of immature "men", so don't just blame the scene I think. CM has a high number of these types, as well as so many fake profiles from people of dubious sexuality. Matches between two people can happen in either a vanilla or BDSM environment. You never know when you're going to click with someone.

Venatrix -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 2:56:36 PM)
Yes, it is a problem with the Internet, in general. The thing is, a lot of us would never cross paths if we didn't meet on the Internet, so I think the trick is going to be finding a strategy that allows us to remain positive enough to continue making connections with "quality" people (urgh, that was elitist, wasn't it?) and overlooking the ones who sap us of our desire to keep on going. Peon, you're right about moving being one of life's most stressful activities, but I've done it so many times that I don't really feel I have the right to make a big deal out of it. In all honesty, though, preparing for a trans-Atlantic move is a whole other kettle of cat food. And being ecstatic about doing the move hasn't somehow lessened my peevishness with men, you and Frank being excepted. Well, Frank, anyway.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 3:25:11 PM)
Face it, V, men suck, and not in that pervy way we like.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 3:27:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Face it, V, men suck, and not in that pervy way we like. Hey! ... well, ok, it's true I have very little practice sucking in that pervy way you like.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 3:29:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Face it, V, men suck, and not in that pervy way we like. Hey! ... well, ok, it's true I have very little practice sucking in that pervy way you like. And there I was within REACH and you did not even ask for lessons! See what I mean? [;)][8D]

rouletteslave -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 3:31:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Face it, V, men suck, and not in that pervy way we like. My therapist once told me that people have a strong tendency to go out into the world and find people who the same level of problems that they have and that if we want to increase the caliber of people we encounter romantically that we first have to start with ourselves.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 3:32:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rouletteslave quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus Face it, V, men suck, and not in that pervy way we like. My therapist once told me that people have a strong tendency to go out into the world and find people who the same level of problems that they have and that if we want to increase the caliber of people we encounter romantically that we first have to start with ourselves. Very true. So, are you saying that I suck, or that you are not up on recognizing sarcasm?

PeonForHer -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 3:33:36 PM)
And being ecstatic about doing the move hasn't somehow lessened my peevishness with men, you and Frank being excepted. Well, Frank, anyway. Cheers.

PeonForHer -> RE: Bored with Kink: A Femdom's Dilemma (7/7/2009 3:35:58 PM)
I agree with rouletteslave's therapist, Lady Hib. For instance, I'm quite bad-tempered, and I find that go for bad-tempered women like yourself . . .

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