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Quite New, Seeking Help and Guidance - 7/6/2009 5:39:29 PM

KinkyPanda

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline

Good evening!
As the subject says, I am quite new to being a sub. It is something that has always been a desire of mine.
I am doing all I can to learn as much as possible.
I was forunate enough to meet a wonderful man who happens to be a top. I found this out rather early in our involvement. He is a member of some other bondage sites but not this one (why I'm posting here). He is obviously much more experienced then I am.
We have been seeing each other for about 9 months now. I moved into his place about 3 months ago but he is not home much since then. About 4 months of that time we were together about every day. Work takes him else where. But not so far that we aren't able to be together on the weekends.

What I am really desiring insight on is this. In the time we have been together, his toy bag has remained on the shelf. Aside from some spanking and hair pulling, there hasn't been any other play. I have voiced my desire for more. It is meet with "yes, we should" but nothing more. Is he simply not interested in the play with me that he has enjoyed with others? I so want to please him in every aspect he enjoys.

Do I need to just be patient? Or should I do something to show my desire and want to be his?

Thank you very much for any and all advice!

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RE: Quite New, Seeking Help and Guidance - 7/6/2009 6:20:28 PM

justme1980

Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KinkyPanda

Good evening!
As the subject says, I am quite new to being a sub. It is something that has always been a desire of mine.
I am doing all I can to learn as much as possible.
I was forunate enough to meet a wonderful man who happens to be a top. I found this out rather early in our involvement. He is a member of some other bondage sites but not this one (why I'm posting here). He is obviously much more experienced then I am.
We have been seeing each other for about 9 months now. I moved into his place about 3 months ago but he is not home much since then. About 4 months of that time we were together about every day. Work takes him else where. But not so far that we aren't able to be together on the weekends.

What I am really desiring insight on is this. In the time we have been together, his toy bag has remained on the shelf. Aside from some spanking and hair pulling, there hasn't been any other play. I have voiced my desire for more. It is meet with "yes, we should" but nothing more. Is he simply not interested in the play with me that he has enjoyed with others? I so want to please him in every aspect he enjoys.

Do I need to just be patient? Or should I do something to show my desire and want to be his?

Thank you very much for any and all advice!

You need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart. If the man is not meeting your needs, it is time to move on and he needs to know that his lack of desire is really bothering you

< Message edited by justme1980 -- 7/6/2009 6:21:31 PM >

(in reply to KinkyPanda)

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Post #: 2

RE: Quite New, Seeking Help and Guidance - 7/6/2009 8:18:29 PM

olena

Posts: 97
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

You need to talk to him. There can be all sorts of reasons.

Off the top of my head:

-All the traveling could be tiring him out.
-Maybe he fell in love with you and cannot reconcile that to top you.

But also quite a common one in my opinion is a man that really was wanting and obedient and submissive partner and got into the toy game thinking that is what you do to get one and really did not have much interest in the toys. Over time and after he got you his effort to keep this part of the life just went poof. Wanting a submissive partner does not equate to being the opposite. It can mean a vanilla man just wanting a submissive partner.

Generally people into things are into because they enjoy them and would want to work with you to enjoy them. Something smells, which does not mean it has to be bad or you, when someone claiming to be into the life does not want to do anything.

But as justme1980 wrote if your needs are not getting met is something that needs to be addressed and be careful of wasting time if both of you require unnatural effort to get them.

(in reply to KinkyPanda)

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Post #: 3