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How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/16/2006 2:18:51 PM

TyrAnasazi

Posts: 19
Joined: 9/10/2004
From: The Palm Beaches
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Potential Master needs to know, and understand not only the needs and desires of a slave. He must know the total person to be able to take her to the heights of ecstasy. When I talk to a girl I expect her to be open and totally revealing. I always go in non judgmental, and I am willing to accept her at a certain point no matter what is going on in her past or present (as long as she is not currently married.) By accepting her I learn what is necessary to do when we work as a pair. Well when a girl gets embarrassed about something that has happened, but you are willing to accept and if you can assist how do you get her to understand that you care enough to stand at her side with this knowledge. If you tell her it’s ok, and she still is nervous what you think of her, can she learn she is being loved and accepted for what you see, and how she has made you feel? My opinion is she has to know she is accepted by you, so how do you get her to relax and not worry that you will not look down on her. This is a dilemma I am stumped on. Her last Dom was more a user and player and was with everyone but her. She was just like a piece of furniture and was not properly used. This girl is far from a net slave so she has the quality to make any Master smile. There is hope for her in my eyes, but how can she see what others see?

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Hunc tu cavetto Advocatus Diaboli
Tyr Anasazi

Post #: 1

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/16/2006 2:34:33 PM

PenelopePitstop

Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline

These things take time...trust takes time...it's about trust. Even when someone says they can deal with my issues, for example, I don't quite believe them at first, it takes many people a long time to feel emotionally safe with someone, and depending on what is going on with them, some may never reach that point at all.

I guess, just try to see her being down on herself as a symptom of a way of life that is passing, and nothing to do with your standard of care. In time it will get less and less. You know yourself that certain people leave a mark on us, with submissives there's a theory that we carry it even longer than most, being bound to serve and please and having perceived a failure at that can be a very deep wound indeed.
Nobody ever sees themselves the way others see them.

I wish we did.

_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 2

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/16/2006 2:36:43 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

Your words are reassuring...and that is a good start.

Take your time, be patient and slow...let your actions speak (over time) as well as your continued reassurances....

It takes time to learn to trust again. But, of course, you can't force it!

Enjoy the journey, I think you will know when to push...when to pull...and when to back off.

Good luck!

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 3

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/16/2006 4:05:44 PM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

There is hope for her in my eyes, but how can she see what others see?

By doing exactly what you are doing now. Stand by her, let her know that you are there for her, and that you care for her; take things slow with her and let her set the pace on some things; don't go further than you know that she can not go. This will build her trust in you, which in turn will allow you to eventually take you both where you want to be.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.

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Post #: 4

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/16/2006 5:43:28 PM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline

Worth is not shown. Worth is earned. Until she has pride in the things she does, she can have no pride in the things she is.

Train her to serve you. Teach her a skill. Show her the kind of attention it takes to develop true ability in her service to you. Self-respect is a side-effect of achievment, not a goal in and of itself.

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.

My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 5

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/16/2006 9:14:07 PM

Arpig

Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline

Time
Patience
Time
and yes, what Taggart said
and guess what...more time
more patience
and in the final analysis, if you do love her, it will show, and she will come to believe she deserves it

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

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CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)

Post #: 6

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/16/2006 9:44:14 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

i was in a similar place when my Master found me. It took me a long time (in my terms anyway) to realize that he accepted me regardless, and that he wasn't going to walk away any time i made an honest mistake in my training.

He required me to tell him everything - every thought, feeling, emotion, etc. He said this is how he would know where my head was, and if/when something needed adjusting. He also reassured me that there will be times he doesn't like what i am telling him,but he still needs to know, so he can fix it.

Over time she will understand the truth in that, as she sees your consistency. He worked me hard (still does) but i always had to report my thoughts and feelings. i still do. And now no one in the world knows me as my Master does. And no one accepts me as he does.

Best of luck to you both.

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 7

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/17/2006 5:21:31 AM

sweetpettjenny

Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline

I was in that very same position, it takes time and the right owner to show a girl her worth.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TyrAnasazi

Potential Master needs to know, and understand not only the needs and desires of a slave. He must know the total person to be able to take her to the heights of ecstasy. When I talk to a girl I expect her to be open and totally revealing. I always go in non judgmental, and I am willing to accept her at a certain point no matter what is going on in her past or present (as long as she is not currently married.) By accepting her I learn what is necessary to do when we work as a pair. Well when a girl gets embarrassed about something that has happened, but you are willing to accept and if you can assist how do you get her to understand that you care enough to stand at her side with this knowledge. If you tell her it’s ok, and she still is nervous what you think of her, can she learn she is being loved and accepted for what you see, and how she has made you feel? My opinion is she has to know she is accepted by you, so how do you get her to relax and not worry that you will not look down on her. This is a dilemma I am stumped on. Her last Dom was more a user and player and was with everyone but her. She was just like a piece of furniture and was not properly used. This girl is far from a net slave so she has the quality to make any Master smile. There is hope for her in my eyes, but how can she see what others see?

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 8

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/17/2006 6:12:31 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline

Everyone has made valid points here. Personally I see self worth as nothing more than self esteem. Her worth, her esteem, her trust in you, will all take time. However, the bright side is this. Love can conquer all and build bridges between two people that seem impossible to the casual observer. So my advice would be to take it slow, take it steady and take it to where it belongs. You showing her what she means and is worth to you and in return I have the feeling that she will begin to feel like a million dollars herself!

Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to sweetpettjenny)

Post #: 9

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/17/2006 7:30:39 AM

DesertRat

Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline

Make sure your actions are consistent with your words. I am not just tossing that out as homey advice; there is more to it than that. In my own life, I have occasionally stepped back, analyzed my behavior, and found it didn't match up with my stated desires and intentions. Sometimes the contradiction is not obvious and takes some digging to reveal. Sometimes it's obvious to another person but harder for me to see. Anyway, I have learned to check myself from time to time to make sure my walk matches my talk.

Bob

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 10

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/17/2006 9:36:40 AM

LthrdWolf

Posts: 92
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TyrAnasazi

Potential Master needs to know,and understand not only the needs and desires of a slave. He must know the total person to be able to take her to the heights of ecstasy.

Besides the really Good suggestions already made in response to you,regarding the above I would like to add please,have her keep a daily journal that you read regularly,& that is then open to discussion between the two of you.

LthrdWolf

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 11

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/17/2006 9:49:25 AM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline

I am one of those girls. I have trust issues and a bunch of others. I agree with all the advice given here and I really hope my Sir can help me trust him and to be proud of who I am.

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to LthrdWolf)

Post #: 12

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/17/2006 9:50:19 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

please,have her keep a daily journal that you read regularly,& that is then open to discussion between the two of you.

This is one of the best ways to reveal yourself to another person and for that other person to get a true glimpse of what's going on with you...joys, concerns, etc. It can be a good tool for acknowledging strengths and shoring up weakness as well.

< Message edited by KatyLied -- 2/17/2006 9:51:06 AM >

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LthrdWolf)

Post #: 13

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/17/2006 10:08:02 AM

TyrAnasazi

Posts: 19
Joined: 9/10/2004
From: The Palm Beaches
Status: offline

I am appreciating all the positive feed back, much of this I am already incorporating into our communications. In my life I have to find the positives, and I have tried to show her that. I will have to say I am proud of what I am seeing in her at this point, and I hope she grows stronger. Her soul is that of an angel, but she has a ways to go. Thank Y/you A/all for the advice and I hope I get to know many of you better.

_____________________________

Hunc tu cavetto Advocatus Diaboli
Tyr Anasazi

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 14

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/17/2006 1:17:38 PM

HoosierScorpio

Posts: 164
Status: offline

You keep telling her she is a good girl and let your action show her you are worthy. Never lie to her or all of a sudden, you stop talking with her then out of blue, she gets an e-mail and that is an emotional game she does not deserve. I always like to take them to meet others in the lifestyle so anything happens to me or there is a problem she seek others for help. Also, keep the line of communication up and open so she can talk with you about any thing, as long she is respectful. I have seen and heard from so many who were lied too and only to find out later they were not a master and the abuse started to happen.

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 15

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/18/2006 8:27:31 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

please,have her keep a daily journal that you read regularly,& that is then open to discussion between the two of you.

This is one of the best ways to reveal yourself to another person and for that other person to get a true glimpse of what's going on with you...joys, concerns, etc. It can be a good tool for acknowledging strengths and shoring up weakness as well.

Agreed. By opening herself up to such a degree, she will discover he accepts her "regardless". Those demons in her mind which make her feel worthless and unacceptable will come to light, and the more she discovers it is safe for her to share herself, the more she will feel her value. A Dominant who can look at the "ugly stuff" appropriately (rather than bashing her for the things he wants changed, molding her to his liking instead), will go far with her. my Master focused on enhancing the good stuff before changing the bad stuff, and this built a foundation where self esteem could grow.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 16

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/18/2006 8:05:17 PM

krikket

Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline

All that You're saying makes a great deal of sense, and i hope that with time and patience it works out for y'all.

i do have one question, based on what's important to me in a relationship, especially in the beginning stages. You state that you "expect her to be open and totally revealing." i was wondering if You're equally as open and revealing to her? i know that for myself, i'll only reveal so much if i don't feel he's the same way with me. i can't explain it exactly, but his honesty and openness helps fuel my own.

thanks -- and good luck
jimini

quote:

ORIGINAL: TyrAnasazi

Potential Master needs to know, and understand not only the needs and desires of a slave. He must know the total person to be able to take her to the heights of ecstasy. When I talk to a girl I expect her to be open and totally revealing. I always go in non judgmental, and I am willing to accept her at a certain point no matter what is going on in her past or present (as long as she is not currently married.) By accepting her I learn what is necessary to do when we work as a pair. Well when a girl gets embarrassed about something that has happened, but you are willing to accept and if you can assist how do you get her to understand that you care enough to stand at her side with this knowledge. If you tell her it’s ok, and she still is nervous what you think of her, can she learn she is being loved and accepted for what you see, and how she has made you feel? My opinion is she has to know she is accepted by you, so how do you get her to relax and not worry that you will not look down on her. This is a dilemma I am stumped on. Her last Dom was more a user and player and was with everyone but her. She was just like a piece of furniture and was not properly used. This girl is far from a net slave so she has the quality to make any Master smile. There is hope for her in my eyes, but how can she see what others see?

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin

When your heart speaks take good notes.

(in reply to TyrAnasazi)

Post #: 17

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/19/2006 8:28:37 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

i'm one of those girls too. Ugly things in the past bring me low on myself. i know what helped me conquer them more so then i ever thought to do was Him. Being able to open up and share.. tell, did wonders for me. Took away alot of shame. Tho i dont know about the whole self worth thing. Being able to tell some one the ugly things.. all of them.. and to be accepted to not be looked at differently or to have them used against me. i dont think it gave me "self worth" nor did i find myself valuable all of a sudden. But i think i was able to let go of the whole "i'm really a terrible person, just no one knows it" thing. Yeah, i realised i'm not a bad person and i dont have to hide in shame anymore. But that doesnt make me a valuable person. So to speak, if you understand? i dont see how bringing it to light gains anyone self worth. i am not all of a sudden worthy because the ugly things in the past are out the closet. Yes i know he accepts me and i knew the minute i looked in his eyes the next morning. They didnt view me differently. But what does self esteem, being accepted, or any of that have to do with self worth?

your questions:

quote:

so how do you get her to relax and not worry that you will not look down on her

Treat her excatly the same as you did before she opened up. Not letting what you know change how you view her. She is after all, really the same person, you just gained more knowledge.

quote:

If you tell her it’s ok, and she still is nervous what you think of her, can she learn she is being loved and accepted for what you see, and how she has made you feel?

Yes. Over time. i have been told time and time again, he does not judge me for whats in the past. What matters is who i am NOW and that of course i should let go and view myself as i am now and not let the past colour what i see.

quote:

There is hope for her in my eyes, but how can she see what others see?

i havent a clue as i still have yet to come up with a reason as to why he is actually with me. And i still at times wonder why he's actually with me. Whatch out for those whirl winds, as i still get caught up in them and find proof in this or that that supports that he's only with me for some negative reason. For example.. until something better comes along. And i have a million and one reasons why he's "really" with me. i have EVEN come up with a conclusion that he doesnt really want to be with me and he is only with me out of pity.

Ug and thinking about it this way, i sorta of feel bad for him. Having to deal with my conclusions that rear their ugly heads from time to time. Its prolly not nice to be consantly told you are with some one because of some negative reason...

Just thought i'd post from the "other side" of all this... tho i didnt realise i would learn something new. LOL

Edited cos the post seemed really long, so i took out alot of returns.. so it looked shorter but also readable and symetrical if you will = )

< Message edited by RiotGirl -- 2/19/2006 8:38:02 PM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 18

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/19/2006 8:39:54 PM

angelic

Posts: 1807
Joined: 1/24/2005
Status: offline

Riotgirl... just from what i've read from you, i see many reasons why He is with you. :)

*back to Yyour regularly scheduled programming*

(in reply to RiotGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: How do you show a girl her true worth? - 2/19/2006 8:46:37 PM

RiotGirl

Posts: 3149
Status: offline

eh thanks.. but this thread isnt about me. i was just trying to give him a view from her side of the coin.. or the side it seems several of us are on.

(in reply to angelic)

Post #: 20

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