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Master advice please - 7/7/2009 9:50:19 AM   
extremedesiresnw


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/18/2009
Status: offline 		Ok first post here so be gentle with me please.

I having been playing with a Dom for few weeks, great Dom who floats my boat whilst playing but outside that, well (excuse me whilst I yawn!) I don't find him interesting in anyway wotsoeva!

So, how can I let him down gently? Don't wanna annoy him or feel i've wasted his time - any suggestions pls?

ps this is my first D/s relationship

< Message edited by extremedesiresnw -- 7/7/2009 9:52:38 AM >
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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 9:59:35 AM   
SmokeSerpent


Posts: 41
Joined: 2/19/2009
Status: offline 		Just tell him that it's not working out for you. If he feels that the time you spent together was "wasted", that's his own unhealthy attitude for him to worry about.

(in reply to extremedesiresnw)
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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 10:02:54 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Be brief, and polite. Sandwich your negative between two positives.

Example: "I love our play- it really floats my boat! But I won't be seeing you anymore because I just don't feel we're a good match outside of the bedroom. I think you're an amazing dom, and you and I both deserve someone we fit well with both in and out of the bedroom."

Honesty, warmth and sincerity go a long way. Good luck!

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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 10:06:56 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		what dreamer said :) 

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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 10:10:21 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		*adores GreedyTop* 



_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 10:22:04 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*adores dreamer*

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Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 10:59:13 AM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline 		*adores the honest open communication approach...dreamer and GT are OK too...*

(in reply to GreedyTop)
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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 11:00:36 AM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		*snort*  how are ya, MM?

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 11:28:18 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		The same way you would dump a vanilla guy with whom you had great sex, but nothing else.

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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 12:20:45 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: extremedesiresnw

Ok first post here so be gentle with me please.

I having been playing with a Dom for few weeks, great Dom who floats my boat whilst playing but outside that, well (excuse me whilst I yawn!) I don't find him interesting in anyway wotsoeva!

So, how can I let him down gently? Don't wanna annoy him or feel i've wasted his time - any suggestions pls?

ps this is my first D/s relationship
I'll take a slightly different approach from the great answers you've already received.
First, if what you want is to find someone that you can have a D/s dynamic with outside the bedroom as well as in it and you want that on an ongoing basis, then my advice is the same as what has already been stated.

However, you noted that he floats your boat in the bedroom.  If, even though you now realize he does not float your boat outside the bedroom, you would like to keep playing with him while at the same time continuing your search, then you ask to speak to him and communicate that to him.  If that works for him too, then great...you both have a play partner to have carnal wants and desires and needs met while looking for one who not only meets those wants and needs and desires but others.  If he doesn't see it that way or cannot go along with that, then you are back to the advice that I and others have given...go your separate ways.

(in reply to extremedesiresnw)
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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 3:42:57 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: extremedesiresnw

Ok first post here so be gentle with me please.

I having been playing with a Dom for few weeks, great Dom who floats my boat whilst playing but outside that, well (excuse me whilst I yawn!) I don't find him interesting in anyway wotsoeva!

So, how can I let him down gently? Don't wanna annoy him or feel i've wasted his time - any suggestions pls?

ps this is my first D/s relationship


Um... take "Annoyed and feeling like you wasted his time" if you can get it.  That's probably the third best outcome you can hope for, right behind "I'm glad you brought it up" and "It's been fun".  What you really want to avoid is the humilliating half hour discussion about what he could do better and him hanging onto your skirt hem as you try to walk away.

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Leonidas

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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 5:28:56 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		If it's a play relationship sans dating, long-terms relationship ideation, whatever, I am somewhat confused about the quandry. 
I don't play casually, so I'm only going with what comes to mind but, "I've had a lot of great experiences with you and it's time for me to move on.  Thank you, I wish you the best." 
  Davan

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(in reply to Leonidas)
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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 7:05:42 PM   
Adak


Posts: 3
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		All of the above replies are, of, course good & valid to different extents, depending on the personality involved. Do bear in mind that, if he has any real level of experience, he will have had similar (or reverse, but similar) experiences before, and, may well be feeling the same emotions as you. Honesty and brevity, as well as a probable clean cut are usually the best answers, though I've remained good friends with several former subs/bottoms for years after a "breakup", and that's good, too!

(in reply to DavanKael)
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RE: Master advice please - 7/7/2009 8:33:30 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		wellll....that might be the best your going to get being married to non lifestyle hubby

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RE: Master advice please - 7/12/2009 5:24:09 AM   
OnlyMaster4u


Posts: 31
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
I have to agree with ArPig here:

The same way you would dump a vanilla guy with whom you had great sex, but nothing else.

In my opinion if you make to much of the D/s aspects of your relationship it could easily come back to bite you later.



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~M~
7/6/09

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RE: Master advice please - 7/12/2009 5:51:23 AM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline 		playing does not a relationship make, so there's no letting anyone down or anything having to be said...

he probably feels the same way. just have fun at what you do enjoy together and leave the rest alone until the time comes along where both of you have decided to look for relationships instead of a play partner.

(in reply to extremedesiresnw)
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RE: Master advice please - 7/14/2009 4:32:20 PM   
ThundersCry


Posts: 892
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

If it's a play relationship sans dating, long-terms relationship ideation, whatever, I am somewhat confused about the quandry. 
I don't play casually, so I'm only going with what comes to mind but, "I've had a lot of great experiences with you and it's time for me to move on.  Thank you, I wish you the best." 
Davan



You cruel woman...you.

(in reply to DavanKael)
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RE: Master advice please - 7/17/2009 10:47:52 PM   
Esinn


Posts: 886
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline 		Physical attraction or connection is not necessary during play, right?  Haven't we beat the shit out of that topic?  I know it is not for me.  I could easily top a guy in S&M scene but would desire a woman be caged close by for gratification if necessary. 

You found a play partner.  No need for bread or sandwich.  It is what it is.

The words I choose for you are closer to your own than Dreamer :
quote:

  I do not wanna annoy you.  Nor do I desire you to feel i've wasted your time. You float my boat whilst playing but outside that, well I don't find you interesting
  Possibly add
quote:

wanna tie me up and spank me


Hell, I would rather have that type of honesty right away and would respect the hell out of that courage/strength.


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RE: Master advice please - 7/18/2009 3:54:38 AM   
KateyCaine


Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline 		Just tell him that you have had an absolute blast, however you feel that things have gone as far as they are going to go, that you, in your heart, don't see a future beyond what you both have done up until now.

k.

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Profile   Post #: 19
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