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Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/7/2009 2:10:02 PM   
azzslave


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline 		Situation. two people living together in a vanilla and kink relationship, Domme and submissive.. The Domme is very beautiful and tries to have sex with Her slave but the slave fails to even get an erection. The Domme tries and tries several times in the period of monthes to have sex with this submissive but nothing. Please tell me is this submissive gay? Does this submissive have intimacy problems? Should this Domme get rid of this slave and find another?
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/7/2009 2:16:37 PM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		The sub could have erectile dysfunction or could have certain psychological issues associated with being excited in her presence.  He might feel that he is unworthy of her sexual attention and feels so overwhelmed that he cannot get aroused, for instance.  A simple test for whether it is physiological or psychological is whether or not he is aroused when he awakes in the morning.  If he is then it shows that his body can achieve that point of excitement.  Only the sub will know if he is gay or perhaps simply not turned on by that beautiful woman.

No, it is not necessarily a reason for the Domme to get rid of him.  If she wishes to have sex with him there are other means.  He can use fingers, tongue, toys, etc. to please her.  After all, being a Domme makes it about HER pleasure, right?  And then his fulfillment will come in taking care of her needs.


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(in reply to azzslave)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/7/2009 2:19:56 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		What fantasies does the sub masturbate to when no one is around?  Can the sub achieve orgasm by his own hand?

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(in reply to chamberqueen)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/7/2009 2:22:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzslave

Situation. two people living together in a vanilla and kink relationship, Domme and submissive.. The Domme is very beautiful and tries to have sex with Her slave but the slave fails to even get an erection. The Domme tries and tries several times in the period of monthes to have sex with this submissive but nothing. Please tell me is this submissive gay? Does this submissive have intimacy problems? Should this Domme get rid of this slave and find another?

I'm going to answer your question with a question.

If the shoe was on the other foot and for some reason the Domme couldn't have sex (at least vagina coitus) with the sub temporarily, would the sub dispose of the Domme?


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(in reply to azzslave)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/7/2009 3:13:41 PM   
StoneFox


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I will put this in a strictly vanilla context...if the relationship is not that old and the sub has not gone to seek help for his problem...personally, *I* wouldn't stay with a guy like that. If he cared about me, he would seek medical/psychological help for his issue. Not doing so says "I don't care" and gives the woman a complex, thinking there is something wrong with HER (especially if you can get hard on your own with your hand). So go get checked out.

Just my 2 cents.

(in reply to azzslave)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/7/2009 3:22:40 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Does he get an erection at other times?  During sleep, from the domme teasing him, etc?

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(in reply to azzslave)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/7/2009 7:01:52 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		He should get himself to a doctor and see if there is a physical ailment that is blocking him from getting an erection, barring that, it could be an emotional problem of some sort. So my advise is for the slave to see a doctor and tell her/him of the problem. Hopefully they can figure it out.

~Lashra


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(in reply to azzslave)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/7/2009 7:46:42 PM   
Racquelle


Posts: 600
Joined: 4/21/2008
Status: offline 		Is he getting an erection now, reading this?

(in reply to Lashra)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/8/2009 9:02:49 PM   
azzslave


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/31/2007
Status: offline 		Please let me go into this furthor for everyone. I am not the sub in question and the Domme is a close friend of mine. She has told me that he does get erect during play but as soon as she tries to have sex with him he goes soft. They have been together for about a year and half and still have not had sex. He says he is a slave yet only does queening and very very light play. The sub has not worked in over a year even though the Domme has told him repeatedly to get a job. She has even told me that they dont even get to play in the lifestyle anymore. She asked me to ask You all this for her benefit. She really needs direction. It isnt a medical issue as he has achieved erections just chooses not to have sex. Saying all this please tell Her what she should do. Thank You all for You rersponses and help

(in reply to Racquelle)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/8/2009 9:27:44 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Bottom line.  He may have some emotional problems and she isn't dominant to him or backing up her orders.  He would be quickly at a doctors... or in counseling... finding a job or history if he were mine.  That might have lasted a month with me.  Maybe.

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(in reply to azzslave)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/8/2009 11:21:35 PM   
StoneFox


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I'd ditch him. The guy sounds like dead weight.

(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/8/2009 11:31:39 PM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline 		Just because a man doesn't have sex with a woman, doesn't make him gay. It makes him incapable, for some reason, of having sex with HER.

Was there ever any sex between them? Maybe she has him so well trained that he is now not able to have sex. I use slaves, but don't have sex with them, nor do I use any kind of heavy play, so that doesn't mean he isn't a slave either.

The thing that would be sending out alarm bells is the not working, in conjunction with the sexual problems. He sounds as if he could be suffering from depression. He needs to see a doctor to rule out psychological and emotional problems possibly. If all is well, maybe she just doesn't do it for him and he's enjoying a cheap ride on her back (so to speak). Maybe he just needs someone to thrash the crap out of him and make him realise that he is there for her, as much as she is for him.

Queening is fun, but if that's all it is, then it isn't D/s.

(in reply to StoneFox)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/9/2009 12:54:59 AM   
PrincessDonna


Posts: 189
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline 		If she has told him to find a job and he hasnt put his time into doing that and she hasnt insisted that he follow that command maybe he can no longer "hold the candle" for HER. Ive found that in any sub/D relationship that if either is not carrying their position to the fullest lots of other spokes in the wheel will bend.She may want to consider renting him out for household work.PS Not in reply to anyone.

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/9/2009 2:29:56 AM   
islandgyrl


Posts: 37
Joined: 9/8/2008
Status: offline 		Sounds like She is not happy with his performance ( and I don't mean just sex). Does it matter if he is gay? If he is using Her for a place to hang his hat, I say, kick him to the curb.

(in reply to PrincessDonna)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/9/2009 11:52:57 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		A few points: 

A male with ED issues can often get erect through the natural erection pattern in their sleep cycle or under certain specific types of stimulation.  Being able to do either of these simply helps find what type or what extent of ED problems, physical or psychological, they may be having... it doesn't rule them out.

Type or intensity of play doesn't directly indicate level or type of submission.

If there are relationship-altering/defining problems going on then it's pretty pointless to nitpick on the reasons why of just one of them.  It sounds like there are a few things going on and she's wanting an excuse out.  Generally, if you're looking for an excuse out the relationship is already done and no excuse is needed.

Personally?  I'm one to give a person a chance to pursue resolution (or at least explanation, if ED) to our issues, but willing to leave if they don't do so relatively quickly.

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(in reply to islandgyrl)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/9/2009 12:30:58 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If he's been out of work for over a year, he may well be depressed. He ought to get assessed for that and put his life back together. However she ought to know that the medication for this is likely to prevent him from getting an erection.

Send him to a doctor, to a career counselor, etc.

Solve the relationship issues and the underlying issues first.

But if what she requires in a sub is someone with frequent strong erections, then this isn't the right one. It's up to her to decide when she can't deal with his multiple issues any more, and worse his refusal to seek help for them.

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(in reply to RumpusParable)
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RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/9/2009 1:36:46 PM   
Monstersforhire


Posts: 3
Joined: 4/17/2009
Status: offline 		Maybe vanilla sex just doesn't do it for him. He very well could be only "motivated" by non-vanilla activities. I'm not sure what a doctor can do for this. Isn't it the same as trying to make a gay person straight?

quote:

Does he get an erection at other times? During sleep, from the domme teasing him, etc?


If he does it's isn't ED. So this question is the biggest one that needs to be answered.

< Message edited by Monstersforhire -- 7/9/2009 1:38:02 PM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/9/2009 7:19:08 PM   
justme1980


Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzslave

Situation. two people living together in a vanilla and kink relationship, Domme and submissive.. The Domme is very beautiful and tries to have sex with Her slave but the slave fails to even get an erection. The Domme tries and tries several times in the period of monthes to have sex with this submissive but nothing. Please tell me is this submissive gay? Does this submissive have intimacy problems? Should this Domme get rid of this slave and find another?


Hey, why are you blaming the sub? Maybe the Domme is lousy between the sheets, Maybe the sub is not attracted to her? Maybe the subs sees this as power struggle and is uncomfortable wth the fact that he may see this a the Domme giving him power that he does not want

(in reply to azzslave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/9/2009 7:24:17 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL... well if the dominant is lousy between the sheets... he really shouldn't be taking advantage of the free rent and food.  Either way he doesn't look so good.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to justme1980)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Domme sub sex in vanilla and kink - 7/9/2009 7:34:52 PM   
cowgirlrider


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/15/2009
Status: offline 		I was friends with a couple and the same problem existed, come to find out he had diabetes and could not hold a erection,, After a couple of Dr's visits and a week in the hospital learning how to control the illbness He was much better

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 20
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