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beargonewild -> RE: Rules? (7/8/2009 1:42:14 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant
quote:
ORIGINAL: gfreek79
What is your favorite or most frequent rule for a sub/slave? What are some of the most uncommon rules you have created or enforced? What are some common ones you enjoy?
I have 3 Basic Rules: 1. Courtesy and civility---I don't care how angry you are, how upset you are, how whatever you are, I expect you to address me with courtesy and civility. I am not a vanilla man and even when I was, I didn't care for uncontrolled screaming, yelling, swearing and name-calling all being swept under the guise of "I was not in control of myself---I was being real (really? So at heart you are a savage who is incapable of exerting self-control)---It's "freeing" to let it all out once in awhile" excuses. If you are so angry/upset/sad that you cannot speak in a civil manner, then do what you need to do to get there---take a walk, hold me or let me hold you, listen to music. 2. Patience and Understanding---No one is perfect and that includes me. If you expect me to have patience and understanding regarding your mis-steps and your mistakes and your occasional "bucking" against my control, then I expect you to have the same when it comes to my responsibilities towards you and my behavior towards you. I know you are going to have off days and I will have patience and understanding when they come but I expect the same from you when my off days hit. My having an off day does not make me less of a dominant anymore than your having an off day makes you less of a submissive 3. Communication---This has been said so many times, it has almost become a cliche but here it is again: Dominants aren't mind-readers. The best of us get really good at reading people and especially a submissive we want to be with or are with already but that still does not make us telepathic, it makes us empathic and observant. and intelligent enough to put 1 and 1 together. If there is a problem, don't think that I can automatically divine it because you are acting sulky or are acting sad "in a specific manner". TELL me. And tell me when it is still a small problem or irritation, not when it has festered enough that not only is it being discussed but everything else that has been building up as annoyances comes together with the small problem or irritation to create one big mess. I can promise you---and can give plenty of references---that I will bring a problem to you and I will do it while it is small. (As an aside, do you suppose that is one reason that many submissives see many dominants as micro-management types, even though they aren't? Because the dominants bring problems to the fore while they are still small and more easily dealt with? Therefore they are dealing with one problem at a time instead of one BIG one that is actually a compendium of many little ones?)
I am actually thinking of adding a 4th one. Something along the lines of "Be brave enough not to run away from what you entered into" but that needs some work yet.
And one of the important things is both parties have to be allowed to step back from whatever the issue is to regain clear thought before dealing with the issue. No matter how level headed a dom or sub maybe, there will be times when tempers do rise and one must be allowed to step back to chill out.
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