Wish i was vanilla

Wish i was vanilla (Full Version)

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Prinsexx -> Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:18:11 PM)
Wish I was vanilla. It would be, would have been and could be so much simpler. Thoughts....

CatdeMedici -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:25:23 PM)
Been there, done that, and the t-shirt was thin--nope, never vanilla, I grasp My flogger and shout, I am what I am goddamit and I will be till the day I die--because vanilla was way too complex.

frazzle -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:25:23 PM)
Relationships are relationships, no more or less complicated, just coz M's, D's are involved. We make our choices and live with them, or walk away and try again.

sirsholly -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:30:44 PM)
I do not want to be anything other than who and what i am

Prinsexx -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:30:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici Been there, done that, and the t-shirt was thin--nope, never vanilla, I grasp My flogger and shout, I am what I am goddamit and I will be till the day I die--because vanilla was way too complex. I know my dear friend. I meant it with a sense of irony. But it was a sentiment a friend mailed me today and I did a double take. We have been through the same process of releasing ourselves and that sense of complex mi of relief and hurt. For me vanilla was an aspiration actually.. a sense at one time in my life that if I could only be content with that I would have made it...you know marriage, the picket fence, the Saturday night Sunday morning sex, and so on. Become a real woman. Been normal. At one time \|really felt I had to prove that I icould do that. To please my mother...

playfulotter -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:38:30 PM)
I am not a psychiatrist or anything but I think it wouldn't make a difference in your life if you were one or the other....I think you are just going through a hard time and it will all work out in the end! PS..Like Darksteven...my relationship is totally vanilla except between me and my Master

DarkSteven -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:38:31 PM)
Why can't you have all that in a D/s relationship? I want my relationships to look vanilla on the outside.

lovingpet -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:41:13 PM)
Well, considering I have a wide open door to turn right back around and soothe myself in all the vanillaness one could imagine, I have to accept that I am what I am because not only is it who I am, but I am making conscious choices every day to remain exactly that. I could go back any time and have it be "simpler", but I have really only traded one set of difficulties for another and taken on the imperfect fit in the process. It is so much more simple to just be. lovingpet

CatdeMedici -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:44:31 PM)
My beautiful darling--Mothers and daughters, good gawd as complex a relationship as--no-- none more complex--mothers and their daughters, a stranglehold that keeps many of us locked in a timewarp, a socio warp--wanting to please and yet knowing that to be us, we might not please. We cry in the night, mommy mommy please, I cannot be what you are, I am this thing, this creation, this, this, this thing mommy-and yet mommy, you have to set me free, you have to smile, nod and let me know, its all ok, that no matter what, you will always smile at me, you will always hug me--mommy mommy, I hang my head and clench my fists, mommy to be what I am, means you have not failed--as you sat and whispered that I should be more than what is predicted---mommy, I could not be what I am with out you.

Prinsexx -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:45:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly I do not want to be anything other than who and what i am I grew up in the dark ages. Conformity was the order of the day. Social class was a big deal. To achieve was the only way pu and out. And to achieve one had to conform. It had a sort of circularity about it. Gay men were illegal by default. Sex in my house never happened as a child. I was conceived byimmaculate conception... must have been. No one was happy being themselves so it seemed and everyone numbed themselves out on booze, cigarettes, drugs and denial. I had no choices but to be who I am but I tried so long and hard to be other than I was. It's not just an age thing. When it becomes difficult in power exchange there are friends who have expressed that they believe it would be simpler just to be vanilla.

Prinsexx -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:51:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Why can't you have all that in a D/s relationship? I want my relationships to look vanilla on the outside. This is like the phrase 'straight looking gay'... but yes I agree there are of course vanilla aspects within a bdsm rekationship and the boundaries between the two are permeable and shifting and openn to personal interpretation. But I don't hide who I am to anyone and am not that concerned anymore to appear anything other than I am not. Obviously there are UM's and yes they are my parameters and to enable as much semblance of vanilla as possible. What I mean is that I would not do anyhting to offend them or upset them and always be appropriate. But what I mean is: is it possible to go back and settle for a relationship without the power exchange, habing once experienced that or needed that?

Prinsexx -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:53:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici My beautiful darling--Mothers and daughters, good gawd as complex a relationship as--no-- none more complex--mothers and their daughters, a stranglehold that keeps many of us locked in a timewarp, a socio warp--wanting to please and yet knowing that to be us, we might not please. We cry in the night, mommy mommy please, I cannot be what you are, I am this thing, this creation, this, this, this thing mommy-and yet mommy, you have to set me free, you have to smile, nod and let me know, its all ok, that no matter what, you will always smile at me, you will always hug me--mommy mommy, I hang my head and clench my fists, mommy to be what I am, means you have not failed--as you sat and whispered that I should be more than what is predicted---mommy, I could not be what I am with out you. Wow Cat....

littlewonder -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:55:35 PM)
quote: you know marriage, the picket fence, the Saturday night Sunday morning sex, and so on. You do realize you can have that and everything else you want, right? I personally don't separate my life into categories. I simply live my life with someone I want to spend the rest of my days with.

janiebelle -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:56:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx But what I mean is: is it possible to go back and settle for a relationship without the power exchange, habing once experienced that or needed that? No. Not for me. Between my fist master and my LH I tried it a couple of times. Epic Fail. Every time. j

DemonKia -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 5:58:18 PM)
FR, after read thru It took me so long to climb out of this particular freak closet that I'm not going back in willingly . .. . . Also, I understand this from a different perspective: I've often thought that my romantic life would work 'better' if I was more into women & less into men. "If I was a lesbian" kinda thing . . . . .

lovingpet -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 6:01:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici My beautiful darling--Mothers and daughters, good gawd as complex a relationship as--no-- none more complex--mothers and their daughters, a stranglehold that keeps many of us locked in a timewarp, a socio warp--wanting to please and yet knowing that to be us, we might not please. We cry in the night, mommy mommy please, I cannot be what you are, I am this thing, this creation, this, this, this thing mommy-and yet mommy, you have to set me free, you have to smile, nod and let me know, its all ok, that no matter what, you will always smile at me, you will always hug me--mommy mommy, I hang my head and clench my fists, mommy to be what I am, means you have not failed--as you sat and whispered that I should be more than what is predicted---mommy, I could not be what I am with out you. Very powerful!

servantforuse -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 6:02:19 PM)
As a submissive male I have wished that I was vanilla (normal) for many years. I have tried to go that route for many years. I know now that it will never happen. I guess we have to play the hand we are dealt with..

curiousINct -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 6:03:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx But what I mean is: is it possible to go back and settle for a relationship without the power exchange, habing once experienced that or needed that? Nothing is fulfilling if it's viewed as settling.

Prinsexx -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 6:08:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: you know marriage, the picket fence, the Saturday night Sunday morning sex, and so on. You do realize you can have that and everything else you want, right? I personally don't separate my life into categories. I simply live my life with someone I want to spend the rest of my days with. No don't realise that at the moment actually to be honest. That feeling of being able to have it all... it waxes and wanes.

slaveluci -> RE: Wish i was vanilla (7/8/2009 6:13:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx Wish I was vanilla. It would be, would have been and could be so much simpler. Thoughts.... My thoughts? Utter BS, pure and simple. I've had some horrible "vanilla" relationships. This one (my first D/s or M/s one) is bliss. Life has never BEEN "simpler" or better[:)]........luci

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