DameDarkness
Posts: 341
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline
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Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into
bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with
an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of
his bed.
"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are
you?" he asked.
"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter,
and you are in heaven."
"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too
young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."
"It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as
a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."
Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being
a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and
relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.
"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.
And in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run,
really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end
was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.
"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he
said. "How do you like being a hen?"
"Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to
explode."
"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going
on. You need to lay an egg."
"How do I do that?" Tom asked.
"Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."
Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and
then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.
"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again
and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet
another egg on the ground. The third time he clucked, he
heard his wife shout:
"Tom, for Christ's sake! Wake up! You're shittin' all over
the bed!"
------------------------------------------------------------
"I'm not making this up. In Switzerland a company is
marketing a beer directed at gay people. If you drink too
much, you're pulled over by a cop, a construction worker, an
Indian, and a cowboy. It comes in a bottle although most guys
like it in the can."
---Jay Leno
------------------------------------------------------------
"Jose Canseco says that he introduced steroids to baseball
and personally injected Jason Giambi in the butt. He also
went on to say that he gave him steroids."
---Conan O'Brien
_____________________________
Into the night sky I fly through distant lands and darkened streets... Up into the clouds to play and dance with the moon.....To the hearts of all and I say to you be true to they own heart.
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