RE: Would you want to know?

RE: Would you want to know? (Full Version)

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realtuffdom -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/13/2009 12:56:32 AM)
I can handle the "No" and "I don't know" responses. I just get tongue twisted whenever I have to answer "Would you like fries with that?" That question was just not meant to be answered.

pixidustpet -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/13/2009 4:43:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl I might want to know for a variety of reasons but I wouldn't ask for or expect an explanation. When I'm the one saying "no" I do very much appreciate it if the other person simply fades quietly into the mist without a lot of noise, so I would conduct myself accordingly when someone tells me "no." Ya know, the whole do unto others thing... Several folks said they want to know why because then they could decide if it was something that they could change. This doesn't sit right with me personally as I don't see myself changing just so someone will play with me. I'm more likely to find someone who does want to play with me. And, I would hate to see someone change somethink I didn't like just to get me to play with them. I mean, seriously, why give me that power? hmm. i can see disagreeing with you on the second paragraph... what if the reason was personal hygiene, and the person had no idea that they were offensive? wouldnt being told give them an opportunity to "change" that issue and become more presentable to others, and therefore find themselves in a situation where they were more pleasing to be around? i know, that's thinking things out to the silliest degree. i'd rather do that at the moment than face realities though. shrugs kitten

stella41b -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/13/2009 6:59:11 AM)
Not really. I just accept their decision and move on. I won't normally wonder why until a refusal starts happening unexpectedly from a few people. When that happens I won't ask them, but do some deep thinking myself and perhaps seek advice from friends.

caelestis -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/13/2009 8:11:53 AM)
Yes, I would want to know why. Given the proper situation I might even politely enquire as to why. Would I expect them to tell me why? No. I am an incredibly curious individual and I like hearing things from different point of views. If someone had a specific reason I would appreciate knowing because I like to see how people percieve things and if its something I could (if it indeed was something negative about myself) possibly shift into a postive.

ThundersCry -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/13/2009 7:27:36 PM)
I have never been turned down, either way... If I dont want to play when asked fuck off outta be enough...

gypsygrl -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/14/2009 11:25:53 AM)
quote: what if the reason was personal hygiene, and the person had no idea that they were offensive? wouldnt being told give them an opportunity to "change" that issue and become more presentable to others, and therefore find themselves in a situation where they were more pleasing to be around? I'm trying to imagine someone who's hygiene was so poor that they were offensive, yet they didn't know it and needed me to tell them...Hygiene is a pretty basic thing that the vast majority figure out by the time they leave childhood so if someone is having an issue with hygiene, they're probably having all sorts of other issues. I'd rather not be the person to clue them in that they stink. I should point out at this point (so as to avoid the accusation that I'm shallow) that my day job involves doing personal care for people who can't do it themselves--I shower them, help them brush their teeth, wash their face, go to the bathroom and even clean their butts when they need it. Most of the people I work with are self-directing and just tell me what to do and when. But, there are some I have to cajole into cleanliness. It's not the sort of thing I would be looking for in a play partner because I have a pretty good understanding of what kinds of cognitive and emotional decline produce poor hygiene. When it comes to adults, poor hygeine isn't something that happens in isolation.

Arpig -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/14/2009 12:11:46 PM)
FR Nope, really wouldn't care why. Its enough that they declined the offer.

pixidustpet -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/15/2009 7:39:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gypsygrl quote: what if the reason was personal hygiene, and the person had no idea that they were offensive? wouldnt being told give them an opportunity to "change" that issue and become more presentable to others, and therefore find themselves in a situation where they were more pleasing to be around? I'm trying to imagine someone who's hygiene was so poor that they were offensive, yet they didn't know it and needed me to tell them...Hygiene is a pretty basic thing that the vast majority figure out by the time they leave childhood so if someone is having an issue with hygiene, they're probably having all sorts of other issues. I'd rather not be the person to clue them in that they stink. I should point out at this point (so as to avoid the accusation that I'm shallow) that my day job involves doing personal care for people who can't do it themselves--I shower them, help them brush their teeth, wash their face, go to the bathroom and even clean their butts when they need it. Most of the people I work with are self-directing and just tell me what to do and when. But, there are some I have to cajole into cleanliness. It's not the sort of thing I would be looking for in a play partner because I have a pretty good understanding of what kinds of cognitive and emotional decline produce poor hygiene. When it comes to adults, poor hygeine isn't something that happens in isolation. to be honest? my first dominant. he had NO clue about personal hygiene at all (at age 38) and i had to clue him in repeatedly. it ended up as me being his personal caregiver in the last 2 years of the relationship, and i was called on to do all that stuff for him, too. love, devotion, or what, i dont know. but i did it. kitten

lobodomslavery -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/15/2009 9:43:07 AM)
As the writer of the original, i stand by my view. i think it s far more hurtful to someone to say that one does not want to play because and go on and label them or call them untrustworthy etc just say No and leave it at that. What the person does not know will not hurt him or her. By not giving a reason You dont have to get personal and no one gets hurt kevin

LyraLaLaurie -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/15/2009 11:50:27 AM)
I'd want to know because I may have overstepped a boundary and I could learn something to improve. If I don't want to play with someone, I make sure to tell them which boundary they've overstepped with me...so I hope they return the same courtesy.

gypsygrl -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/17/2009 1:52:56 PM)
quote: to be honest? my first dominant. he had NO clue about personal hygiene at all (at age 38) and i had to clue him in repeatedly. Obviously that worked for you, but I know myself well enough to know I wouldn't have the patience for that kind of thing. And, I wouldn't want to have a discussion with someone about their hygiene while I was declining an invitation to play. Thats a really intimate topic to engage in with someone and I would have to already be close with them before going there.

TheTwistedDream -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/17/2009 2:02:13 PM)
If it was something easily fixable that might be putting off a number of people, and to which I seemed oblivious. B.O. is an obvious example. I would far prefer to be told that there's a problem than to wander around for the rest of the night clueless.

SailingBum -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/17/2009 11:18:03 PM)
wow this is a easy one... never complain ..never explain MoTown BadOne

DomImus -> RE: Would you want to know? (7/18/2009 2:00:35 AM)
I wouldn't ask because I hate being asked and having to elaborate. I think a polite "No, thank you." is sufficient in either direction.

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