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Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 8:19:14 PM

LadyPact

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I am pulling this from another thread. I'm willing to say up front that I have not asked the originator of the comment if I could post it. I am also not going to credit the writer of the original. I think it would tend to sway the responses and I would rather get the answers without that influence.

During a discussion that went to whether or not someone would disclose why they chose *not* to play with someone, the following response was given:

quote:

ORIGINAL:

Simply play with him/her or dont play with him/her. You dont have to give a reason to the person.

In My personal experience, when it comes to extreme reasons**** of why I will not play or become involved with another, it saves Me a lot of time and trouble to just say so. I often say that the two answers to a question that people have the hardest time accepting are the following:

1. No.

2. I don't know.

I'm curious to know how other people feel about this. If you approach someone for play and are told no, do you want to know why?

**** Extreme reasons being such things as not trusting the individual, they are cheating on their wife, or some other reason that I specifically do not want them in My company.

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Post #: 1

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 8:39:15 PM

BalletBob

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Yes I would. I would want to know if it was something I said or did, so I would get a chance to appoligize for it, and make sure I didn't do it again. And if it wasn't my fault, my mind would be more at ease. It would be nice to know either way.

Sincerly, sub BalletBob

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Post #: 2

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 8:50:51 PM

vasha

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even when i wasnt Owned... nope, i wouldnt have a problem with that at all. i might be privatly curious, but i wouldnt ask. its not for me to question my betters.

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Post #: 3

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 9:03:10 PM

jeninvegas

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I think whether I want to know or not would depend on the person giving me the response...

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RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 9:03:16 PM

variation30

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I'd want to know because of my vanity.

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Post #: 5

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 9:21:29 PM

DemonKia

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From: Chico, Nor-Cali
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FR, after read thru

I'm endlessly curious, I always wanna know, but I don't necessarily have to know . .. . . Depends on the circumstances . . . . . Sometimes my own speculations are more satisfying than whatever the reality might be, but I tend to the fanciful in what I hope is a responsibly self-aware way, lol . . . . . .

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RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 9:29:55 PM

sweetsub1957

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I would want to know why, just to know if I'd done or said something wrong, something I could apologize for and/or maybe correct in future situations. I don't think I'd ask though. I feel if they want me to know why, they'll tell me.

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RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 9:36:46 PM

herbcaroll

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No, not really. She doesn't owe me an explanation. But if met through a post, sometimes you can tell if you are a potential match or not. For instance, if a Domme has some listings of the things she will and will not do, and they are not compatible with what I will and will not do, why waste her time or mine? As Sir*Mix*A*Lot said in hip hop soldier..."I never beat women; romance is better. If a freak wants to leave boy you might as well let her." And if somebody doesn't want to play with me, so be it. To me, the why is irrelevant.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 8

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 10:41:45 PM

WestBaySlave

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Depends. Is the reason something I could have changed? I don't play, but I've had experience with different doms with different requirements in the getting-to-know-you-phase, and some things I can change, like my body hair, and some things I can't, like my height.

(in reply to herbcaroll)

Post #: 9

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/9/2009 11:00:47 PM

GreedyTop

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I would want to know if it was something about me, and what it had been. I may not LIKE the answer, but it would allow me to decide if what it was was something I could change.

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Post #: 10

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 1:11:31 AM

ranja

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Joined: 11/1/2007
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Obviously i'd want to know just out of curiosity...
maybe i wouldn't be brave enough to ask though as i might not like the answer...
Also i don't know if i would trust the answer necessarily as some people do lie when asked direct questions sometimes... or say something to brush you off... the most likely answer would be 'because I do not want to' and that is that.
so i'd probably just be curious for a while and then move on...

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 1:27:22 AM

SoulPiercer

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I wouldn't want to know.

1. I am not so arrogant as to believe you owe me any explanation.

2. I am self confident enough to believe someone else will accept my invitation.

3. Well .. you probably hit like a girl anyway. So there.

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Post #: 12

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 1:48:20 AM

Prinsexx

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Joined: 8/27/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

In My personal experience, when it comes to extreme reasons**** of why I will not play or become involved with another, it saves Me a lot of time and trouble to just say so. I often say that the two answers to a question that people have the hardest time accepting are the following:

1. No.

2. I don't know.

From the other side of the dynamic is also vitally important to know.
I've had a sincere friendship for six years. We dated a couple of times, mailed, text, called. Eventually we played and I accepted (not at first might I add), I accepted his collar.
Exquisite chemistry... so I thought. And then gradual shut down and withdrawal from him. Less and less contact until I was getting so little reciprocity that it kind of dawned on me he did not want to 'play' any longer.
So I released myself.
I still do not know why it went like this. Six years of friendship down the tubes, grief, I miss him and (on another thread, as you know) needed support and input as to if I should ask for my collar back.
The rejection continues and I take it personally. Whatelse am I supposed to do? The logic of it he stuck with me for 6 years until he 'pulled me' and then dropped me and didn't want to play.
Not exactly what you are asking I know as you are asking dear lady abotu not wanting to play with a person per se. for the first time.
But I am a person of communication. It simply would help me to move on, fi those issues about myself that I can, in order that the same or similar process doesn't happen again.
I've experienced what I know to be lying when it comes to someone not wanting to play also.
So not knowing and lying just stink. End of.

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 7/10/2009 1:49:08 AM >

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Post #: 13

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 3:35:20 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I don't do casual play but if I did I wouldn't really care one way or the other if they told me. I would just shrug my shoulders and move on.

I'm not really a curious type person.

(in reply to Prinsexx)

Post #: 14

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 5:05:28 AM

Drakontos

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Joined: 5/20/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

I would want to know if it was something about me, and what it had been. I may not LIKE the answer, but it would allow me to decide if what it was was something I could change.

zaphira agrees.
If she were free, and able to play with others;zaphira would want to know the why because it may be something that is easily changeable.

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zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

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Post #: 15

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 5:41:10 AM

DavanKael

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If it were for a relationship, I would want to know.
If it were for casual play (Which I don't do), I would be less concerned with knowing why.
Davan

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Post #: 16

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 5:54:00 AM

wysiwygitsme

Posts: 69
Joined: 8/9/2006
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Yes, I'd want to know why. The reasons could be viewed as constructive criticism, the information could be very useful. I agree, could save a lot of time and trouble...on both sides.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 17

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 6:30:42 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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"Never apologise, never explain." Disraeli

And in this kind of thing, I subscribe to that. If I refused someone and said it was because of their weight, for example, I know I would get a lot of abuse in response in how I am too shallow etc. The most I would do is say that I didn't feel the necessary chemistry.

What good would it do to tell a man he is too short, or a woman she's too heavy, or that he doesn't dress well enough to fit into your circle of friends? But everyone knows that chemistry is highly individual, and anybody who wouldn't accept that isn't somebody I would want as a friend, let alone in a more intimate relationship.

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Post #: 18

RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 6:39:40 AM

windchymes

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If I were on the receiving end, then I'd probably want to know why. As others have said, to see if it was something I did or said, so I could possibly see if there was a misunderstanding I could correct or explain. Or to help me move on, if it was something I couldn't or wouldn't change anyway. But, though there was a time I would have wallowed in it, now I've learned to just accept things for what they are, realize the world still turns and the sun comes up the next day, and I just move on.

However, if I'm on the giving end, I can see myself being cold enough to just say "no, that's it" and not want to get into a bunch of drama of explaining and more explaining, etc. I guess it also depends on the degree of intimacy, closeness, friendship, etc. that I might have had with that person. If there wasn't a lot emotionally invested, then I'd be less apt to do a bunch of explaining.

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RE: Would you want to know? - 7/10/2009 6:42:10 AM

beargonewild

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I really don't need to know why I was turned down. I asked and they said "no" which is enough for me.

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Post #: 20

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