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Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 2:54:42 PM   
Goddess2002


Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline 		Those of you who are married to your Dom, Domme, sub, or slave, how do you work out the dynamic? Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals? Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards? Could anyone offer any potential complications with this type of arrangements? Thanks in advance!
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 3:09:21 PM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline 		This probably isn't too helpful but here goes. I was married to my former master. He said after a couple of years of cohabitation, "there are distinct tax advantages to filing married." I said Ok. That was it. It changed the dynamic not one whit. He still told me what to do. I still said Ok. (shrug) We came from different generations and cultural mileus but in both, marriage was not looked upon as a condition to aspire to.

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 3:32:42 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

...Those of you who are married to your Dom, Domme, sub, or slave, how do you work out the dynamic?...


by not absorbing the behavior that is perceived as a cultural norm of husband/wife (a relationship of equals)...we kept the aspects of ceremony, a huge party, another reason to celebrate a milestone and benefits come tax time and at the car rental counter.

quote:

...Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals?...


we drew up a contract for our primary relationship to each other as Master/slave...not for the marriage, which is secondary.

quote:

...Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards?...


3 years before we married, we agreed to be Master/slave.

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 3:48:16 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have to wonder how useful this will be since relationships are all so unique but sure, I'll answer.

Carol & I were a couple for about 12 years before the collaring.. married for about 10 of those. We were totally vanilla that entire time. The various BDSM dynamics have only crept in in the last two years or so. For us, this hasn't been any sort of complication. It's just a new way in which we interract with each other. We didn't negotiate a contract exactly, she suggested "bedroom sub", I countered with "full on 24x7 slave", she said, "OK." She hasn't stopped being my wife, or friend, or anything else for that matter. She's just taken on a new role in our relationship -- no complications.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 7/10/2009 3:51:20 PM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 3:56:54 PM   
AlexandraLynch


Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline 		My husband and I are co-Dominants. We've each somewhat bottomed for the other as being the most trustworthy partner we could imagine to explore with, discovered that while we each like certain games, neither of us are submissive by nature. I wouldn't do something he really didn't like, but neither would he do something that I really didn't like. 

We've been together twenty years, married fifteen of those, and only really started messing round with power exchange and all the other stuff in the last two years.


_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to leadership527)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 4:48:05 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline 		We're a 24/7 TPE couple. Our dynamic was established while we were dating (we met in a dungeon.)  Marriage has slightly modified it, but the basis remains the same.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to AlexandraLynch)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 5:53:08 PM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		No and though I may be committed to death, I will never marry.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 5:58:01 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Those of you who are married to your Dom, Domme, sub, or slave, how do you work out the dynamic? Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals? Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards? Could anyone offer any potential complications with this type of arrangements?


Fox and I are getting married in October and we expect our relationship then to be exactly like it is now. We dont see a reason to change just because we are legally recognized as a couple now. There will be no contract, we dont see a point. We had our dynamic about since the day we met, and it has had 2 years to grow, as well as almost 1 living together to get used to that change pre-marriage.

The potential complication is one a lot of couples fall into... I cant hurt him/her, I love them.  Or, once married they fall into the standard accepted situations for couples rather than staying true to their original relationships, which then usually causes the dynamic to fall to the wayside.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 6:59:46 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i've lived with TheEngineer for a year, married nearly 7 months now, we've known each other about 10 years.

the only thing that has changed is his vengeful glee in reminding me WHO wears the Ring Of Power (his wedding ring).  we still play as much as my body will stand (right now not much) and we still are very happy with one another, and i still summon the laundry faerie on a regular basis. 

kitten

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 7:23:17 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Those of you who are married to your Dom, Domme, sub, or slave, how do you work out the dynamic? Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals? Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards? Could anyone offer any potential complications with this type of arrangements? Thanks in advance!


Though not married, Firm and I have been together for three years... this past year living together.  We met here in the forums and from the time we decided to be in a relationship together, I have always been submissive to him.  If we were ever to marry, our relationship would not change.  We don't have any kind of contract... we've not needed it up to now, so I don't see why we'd need one if we were to marry.

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 7:36:41 PM   
hardbodysub


Posts: 1654
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline
quote:

"there are distinct tax advantages to filing married."


Funny, I've always heard the opposite.

(in reply to CaringandReal)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/10/2009 7:41:17 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		The only time I got married, we were in a D/s relationship before we got married.  Didn't change our relationship when we got married. He very simply wanted to make sure the ums were taken care of should anything happen to him and it did.  He passed away when they were all  small.   He was looking out for what was his.  Made the "legalities" of our relationship much easier (as others have saiid).  But the foundation of our relationship was started and built up as D/s, not as husband and wife.    

(in reply to TreasureKY)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/11/2009 4:12:41 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		Our relationship, both D/s and vanilla, was established within the first year of meeting. Marriage was just the next step in our commitment.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to kallisto)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/11/2009 4:34:37 AM   
janiebelle


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/29/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire
The potential complication is one a lot of couples fall into... I cant hurt him/her, I love them.  Or, once married they fall into the standard accepted situations for couples rather than staying true to their original relationships, which then usually causes the dynamic to fall to the wayside.

DV


DV makes a great point here.  My last relationship changed significantly once my dom became my husband.  At times it seemed like once we were married, this man who had been quite comfortable taking the control in all aspects of life became complacent and didn't care to work on the D/s dynamic outside of the bedroom.
And it led to a lot of resentment on my part.
It sounds trite, but feelings of "you're not the man you used to be" undermined a formerly healthy relationship.
j

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/11/2009 5:52:15 AM   
Rainfire


Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		Did you draw up a contract of sorts(perhaps a sort of pre-nup) before the nupitals?
No, no contract or pre-nup, though there was much discussions and conversations about what was expected on both sides.

Did you have your BDSM dynamic before you married, or did it develop afterwards?
Before the marriage, we met here on the CM forums. I knew He owned me long before marriage was discussed.

Could anyone offer any potential complications with this type of arrangements?
As a couple of others have mentioned, I think complacency could be an issue. Routine and lack of communication, because it could be "assumed" that such and thus is recognized and accepted when one partner may have changed their mind and not mentioned it. Things change as do minds and memories, which might not get discussed if they slip through the cracks.

Marriage is another part of our relationship. The only things that changed when we got married was my last name and then immigration. We'll discover the tax benefits (or losses) next year.


_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/11/2009 6:12:15 AM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline 		We had the M/s dynamic from the beginning. We married two years later. No contracts necessary.

luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/11/2009 6:15:20 AM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hardbodysub

quote:

"there are distinct tax advantages to filing married."


Funny, I've always heard the opposite.


I'm not an accountant but I think the "marriage penalty" mainly applies only if both partners have income (i.e., the tax on your last dollars is much higher for combined income than for a single income) ... otherwise it's an advantage to be "married filing jointly".

Of course, another marriage-tax "advantage" is when one dies, the estate can pass tax free to the spouse ...

(in reply to hardbodysub)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/11/2009 8:51:13 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		We got married to make sure the legal thing was right... pension, insurance, be officially recognised as next of kin... there was an ex and i had relocated... it was important for us, especially me, to have offical papers... i was extremely greatful that he took me as his wife.

Our marriage bond feels so good to me... i do not care much about rings or collars (although i love bits of jewelry just for prettiness) but my offical status is who i am; His wife.

He is Dominant and i have been submissive to Him from the start but kink did not really get into it till much later.

(in reply to Goddess2002)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/11/2009 12:08:20 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		We've talked about it, not ready yet either of us.
The only contract we would do would be pre-nups to protect financial assets that ought to go to our separate kids.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ranja)
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RE: Are you married to your Dom(me)/sub/slave? - 7/11/2009 1:52:54 PM   
whiteslavebitch


Posts: 479
Joined: 9/10/2007
Status: offline 		No, I'm not married to MasterK, nor will I ever be. We both prefer it that way. After I finally ended my 23 year marriage, I decided I never wanted to get married again. I feel more of a committment to MasterK as a collared slave than I ever did while I was married.

_____________________________

MasterK's whiteslavebitch

formally collared 1/30/09

"I give to you my everything, you've given me these loving wings." - DMB

(in reply to Goddess2002)
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