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out of the closet - 7/10/2009 9:38:10 PM

fxyrx

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/17/2006
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hello everyone...i have just told my nilla bf that i am a sub...he didnt take it lightly. i asked him "do you remember when i ask you to pull my hair?" now he is cooking ...where do i go from here??

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RE: out of the closet - 7/10/2009 9:41:17 PM

KMsAngel

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to dinner? what'cha having?

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RE: out of the closet - 7/10/2009 9:42:26 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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Talk to HIM not to CollarMe.

Explain what you want and what you are all about. If he cannot accpet you for who you are then it is good you find out now.

Steel

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RE: out of the closet - 7/11/2009 4:44:02 AM

Zechriel

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
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Good morning!
This is a wonderful start to many more fun discussions. Whether it is sitting down and talking or an out of nowhere question, really listens to his answers, make sure he hears yours. If it helps, write it down. I journal to keep track of what Daddy lkikes/not like, rules, etc. Otherwise I rally feel overwhelmed. Think of it as your cheat sheet. Keep in mind though, you may not want to jump in full throttle, seems like you are both learning-or at least learning with him-so take it slow and be honest. I make that mistake at first too, thinking I had to be the "perfect slave" right after meeting...nope. It takes time to hone your art, to perfect it. Especially to each others needs, not anyone else's. Good luck!
Love,
Zechriel

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RE: out of the closet - 7/11/2009 4:47:14 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

now he is cooking ...where do i go from here??

to the table?

In my opinion the next step is open and honest communication, and alot of it.

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RE: out of the closet - 7/11/2009 11:45:32 AM

MMagic

Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: fxyrx

hello everyone...i have just told my nilla bf that i am a sub...he didnt take it lightly. i asked him "do you remember when i ask you to pull my hair?" now he is cooking ...where do i go from here??

I got nothing here, lol. Though I didn't know the terminology, I at one point (after many subtle hints) took my husband to the "adult bookstore" and showed him a BDSM kit that had all the starter goodies and said, ok..see this is what I want. I got a look and later it would come up in arguements...those wierd BDSM folk. I DID try the talking route, oh well, make sure you at least try so you can say you did if it doesn't work out and then I say make sure you're happy. If he's not doing what you want or like, time to move on. TRUST me on this one, you wanna move on. Sorry having one of those days I think. It's hot and I'm hormonal..think I'll go sit in some ice water.

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RE: out of the closet - 7/11/2009 4:05:47 PM

kiwisub12

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Unless you were really, really subtle, then, he got the point of the submissive/dominant thing. The next step is up to him, and if he doesn't want to dive head first into bdsm practise, there isn't anything you can do about it. Sorry.

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RE: out of the closet - 7/12/2009 2:13:24 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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The more important question here is why you got involved with him knowing he isn't into this and now expect him to change. Next time, why not try something novel like being honest about your preferred sexual style and interpersonal relationship dynamic first, prior to involvement?

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RE: out of the closet - 7/12/2009 6:29:10 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
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if you are indeed submissive; are you submissive to him as well? if you are, then it shouldn't have to been pointed out to him because it would be seen and felt through your actions...

what does liking to have your hair pulled have to do with it? that's more masochistic, kinky and/or bottom behavior which isn't necessarily linked to submissive behavior.

where to go from here would be to the dinner table for some interesting conversation.

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 7/12/2009 6:30:15 AM >

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RE: out of the closet - 7/12/2009 6:42:07 AM

CarrieO

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Joined: 1/27/2008
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I'm confused...you mention the "nilla bf" cooking in the kitchen that you've told you're submissive, in your profile you say you're only looking for friends and then you go on to talk about wanting a man who will be your protector and offer you guidance and authority while you explore yourself and bdsm.

Is the boyfriend the one you are looking for or are you looking for another? Is he the one that you want these things from? Has he read your profile? Does he understand what you desire? Oh...I agree, what does pulling your hair have to do with submission?
Mind you, I've only had one cup of coffee...I may be misunderstanding everything.

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RE: out of the closet - 7/13/2009 7:17:06 AM

femmetasia

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Joined: 11/18/2008
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You've opened the door of the closet and now a shaft of light comes through. He may or may not be illuminated by your comment, but you've certainly come up with a good conversation starter. I wish you well and hope he goes for the bait in a positive way. Perhaps he will not and if you love him you will try again with a more direct result. If this isn't a spark within him that can be ignited, then it will be impossible to mould him to your desires. Sounds as though you are trying to find out and whatever the outcome at least you will know.

If he's nilla to the core, so be it and bless him. It will be then up to you which of your desires is greater. Move on or not.

Best wishes.

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RE: out of the closet - 7/13/2009 6:19:36 PM

DarkSteven

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
if he doesn't want to dive head first into bdsm practise, there isn't anything you can do about it. Sorry.

She can move to Colorado...

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RE: out of the closet - 7/13/2009 6:35:16 PM

kiwisub12

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Well ..................................................... thats true too.