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Slipstreme -> RE: what have you discovered.... (2/18/2006 4:56:16 PM)
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I have discovered that although I often bottom and seem to be quite a bit of a masochist at times. I am not submissive in the slightest. I tend to control what happens outside play, and in play when I top, even often when I bottom. The power dynamics during such play don't change. I am still Dom, even if I am the one being flailed at, and I am letting them dictate how to go about the scene.
Although I am not implicitly seeking a full time D/s relationship, I've realized myself evolving that way, finding myself more and more wanting to have the title Master, and it mean something, wanting to have a submissive or slave of my own. The ones that I "have" are transitory and friends, virtually equals outside the play. Although my primary partner may end up under me later on.
I've also found that I am becoming more and more interested in learning about both Gorean and Old Guard style BDSM, perhaps incorporating some of that into my own style, although kajira, I will never be.
I've also realized I am becoming more and more confident as I realize my own sense of Dominance, able to tackle my problems on my own, being less insecure, less vulnerable. That is all falling away: the parts of my life I've wanted to shed for years. I am also finding myself even less able to handle orders than I was before.
So basically Ive been realizing I'm a SadoMasochistic Dom, not a Switch, never a submissive, and always ready to learn everything that I can.
As I lack years of experience like a lot of folks here have, I cant exactly talk about much profound changes, just those occuring in the here and now.
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