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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/14/2009 5:07:49 AM

TNstepsout

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I think Lashra made a good point about all parties knowing what's going on. I think where men have gotten a bad rap (and rightly so) over the years, is by lying to the "fling", telling her he loves her, wants to marry her etc... just to get in her panties and then dumping her because she has now been conquered and is spoiled goods. That's quite different than being up front and telling someone that you would consider a "fling" but not marriage. The other party can then make the decision if that is acceptable to him or her and everyone goes on their merry way with an honest understanding of where the relationship is going (or not going).

I don't think it's sexist to engage in short term relationships just for fun as long as everyone is on the same page. Sexism comes from disregarding the value and feelings of another person not the length of the relationship.

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/14/2009 10:03:20 AM

thetammyjo

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I would classify as "sexism" any idea or action that is based on the notion that biological sex is determinant of a character trait, skill, ability or desire which does not have directly to do with reproductive differences.

It isn't sexist to say that males produce sperm, and females eggs -- that's biological fact.

Saying that females therefore have a greater bond with any offspring and that men are incapable of having a close bond is sexist because it ignores the individual differences, culturally differences, and experience differences each person has.

So by my reasoning, yes, expecting women to set a model of behavior for men simply because they are female is sexist.

So is your friend by saying that somehow you can't do the same thing that men have done -- he's also being sexist is saying it's all right for males but not females.

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/14/2009 2:50:46 PM

frankx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

... So, which is it: should women act in a morally superior way because we have an "obligation" to be better than men and set a good example for them, especially when some of us (like me) are complaining how badly behaved they are, or should we have equal opportunity to behave just as badly as they do, if we so choose? Is it even bad to do what I outline above, or is it just human nature? .....

I know I shouldn't have relented and checked the boards so late at night. And will regret this tomorrow.

So many questions to answer:

Should women act in a superior way? Sure, if they want to. There is no moral obligation to do so.

Should they behave as some (most?) men do? My gut reaction is if you don't respect the person you have (or plan) a relationship with, then you shouldn't be surprised by their reaction.

Is it human nature? Possibly. Evolution plays so much into how we behave. Is it no wonder we are just a snapshot away from being animals.

But then again, I'm Mr Grumpy this time of night, older, crinkly(er) and bald(er) than some. (I thought I had a good head of hair myself)

Back in my cage now I think, V.

< Message edited by frankx -- 7/14/2009 3:16:06 PM >

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/14/2009 4:07:10 PM

Venatrix

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Oy, wait a minute. You edited out the bit where you called me "little one." I thought that was rather sweet, in an "I'm going to smack your bum silly for it" kind of way. *Now* you can go back in your cage.

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/14/2009 6:54:40 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix
... but that I'd want to settle down with someone who didn't seem like he was still playing the field: older, wrinklier, and possibly plumper and balder than my friend, stable and less likely to run around.

I've found the future Mrs Nook!!!!!

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/14/2009 7:08:46 PM

Venatrix

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It's Mistress Nook, to you.

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/14/2009 7:27:00 PM

LookieNoNookie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

It's Mistress Nook, to you.

(Sorry....cats have learned to type....won't happen again).

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/14/2009 8:39:00 PM

undergroundsea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix
I was accused of being sexist because I was considering engaging in behaviour that men have traditionally engaged in, and which is seen as somewhat reprehensible: use the "slut" for your pleasure, but commit to the "virtuous" person when the time comes to settle down.

I do not think it is sexist for a woman to behave in the manner described.

It is not clear whether you mean the behavior is generally seen to be reprehensible by society, or whether you also see it that way. Thus, without directing my comment at you and speaking in a general sense, I do see an issue if a woman both criticizes a given behavior in men and practices the said behavior herself. Until either the criticism or behavior is abandoned, there will incongruence between the two.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 7/14/2009 9:15:32 PM >

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/17/2009 5:31:52 AM

NovelApproach

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I've always been fond of deciding what my standards are, be they high or low, and holding everyone to it the same regardless of sex, gender, and orientation.

I think your friend may have been a bit thrown off by your pointing out the sexist double standard - a lot of people feel weird about it when you point out things they've accepted as right or normal as actually being wrong or unfair.

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/17/2009 5:38:54 AM

DesFIP

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It doesn't sound sexist. I think he was just hurt because you said you don't consider him spouse material.
Caveat, I wouldn't assume that just because someone is older, balder and wrinklier that they are therefore more mature and better material for a relationship. Perhaps the reason they are still single while being older, balder, and wrinklier is that they never learned how to commit, communicate, etc? Lots of older types who still see themselves as God's gift to men/women and still seek only to play the field while being in denial about themselves.

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RE: Sexist? Moi? - 7/17/2009 8:57:40 AM

Andalusite

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I don't think it's sexist for men or women to put someone in the "play" category and someone else in the "LTR" category, based on whatever criteria are important to them. Being dishonest and leading someone on about *which* category they are in is pretty low, though. (Obviously, not a factor in your treatment of him.)

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