littlesarbonn
Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline
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One of the funnier things in my current state of affairs is that I'm not really all that out there as a mainstream bdsm player anymore. I used to be. A lot. Now, I've kind of pulled back quite a bit and don't have a lot of ties to the lifestyle that I used to have before. An example of the past is when I was teaching at a university, it was not unique to have some student come up to me and want to know more about my lifestyle she discovered while searching me out on the web. Usually, it ended in an okay situation, but it was something that happened way too frequently for what would have made any usual person all that comfortable.
Well, fast forward a decade or so, and I've pretty much cut down a lot on my involvement, especially when tying my name to it. It's not like I'm embarrassed by it or anything, but it just seems more appropriate to let me screen names get all the connections and glory while my vanilla name stays pretty much in the background. Well, just today I started to notice that old past catching up with me again.
My sister was having a conversation with me about various topics, and one thing she mentioned was that she had read some of my writings online. I was curious as to "which" writings she was referring, and she was talking about the vanilla ones, and then made a comment, "but if someone wanted to, they could have probably found the "other" stuff, too." So, even though she and I have never discussed it, it was pretty obvious that my "other" writings are still connecting to me.
This evening, a close female friend was helping me bring in some boxes; she had kept a lot of my boxes for me when I went overseas recently. She made a comment, "oh, and I have about ten of your books that your wrote under that other name." I perked up immediately because I have used a few names in the past. The name she was referring to was the one in which I wrote my opus of lifestyle slavery. I laughed and said, well, I guess that means she has 10 more copies of them than I do because I don't have any copies of books by that author now. She just smiled and said she'd bring them by when she got a free moment.
The point is: It was pretty obvious that she knew exactly what the subject was of those books, but she didn't make a single point of bringing up the subject in conversation.
So, as it comes time to make a point of this post, I thought I would ask from the rest of you if your lives have reached a point where you have become comfortable with your lifestyles so that it doesn't matter what other people think of it. I mean, we've all seen the posts that ask "how did you handle it when the vanillas found out" but that stuff has been done to death. I'm more curious about those who have been found out a long time ago who have been living with this in their past for awhile. How have things measured up for you with your contacts with the vanilla and lifestyle communities?
I know some of us are pretty deep into the lifestyle, and that makes it a lot easier to acclimate ourselves to our surroundings. I mean, honestly, it's easier to say you're comfortable when everyone around you is into the scene. But a lot of us have been skirting the edges of the community for many years and have crossed over one side or the other, wavering between being embarrassed and being proud, yet never completely planting a foot in either foundation.
So, as time goes on and you've been living with your lifestyle for some time, have you become more comfortable with it? Or do you still have to struggle to feel there's a sense of acceptance?
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<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me
http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman
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Playing off the bdsm lifestyle with vanillas - 
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