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Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/17/2006 4:25:47 PM   
Wulfchyld


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Greetings all. First I would like to applaud the community. All of you seem very supportive and informative. That said, beware Greeks bearing gifts, I am working on a book that I would greatly appreciate feedback… good, bad, or ugly on. I have excerpts posted here http://www.atlantissagas.org/BryKlashaan.html please post.

Thank you all
Loki
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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/17/2006 4:30:11 PM   
mnottertail


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needs a dictionary in the worst way.

Ron

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/17/2006 4:37:07 PM   
Wulfchyld


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There is a dictionary on the main site… Unfortunately I haven't updated it of yet. Sorry.

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/17/2006 4:44:22 PM   
mistoferin


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Wow...when you said excerpts I kind of thought you meant "small" snippets. It looks very indepth and will take some time but interesting enough at first glance that I will be going back to check it out.

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/17/2006 5:06:53 PM   
BitaTruble


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Like Mistofern said, it's look very interesting. I read only the first several pages, but it holds my interest enough to want to read the rest.

Celeste

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/19/2006 4:18:07 PM   
Wulfchyld


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Thank you all so much. I was hopeful this would be the best community to post with, thus far it has been so.

Loki

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/19/2006 6:14:50 PM   
ehlovindom


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If you could replace the yellowish font and black background with something easier on the eyes, it would be a lot better. Black backrounds are the worse for reading text. Having said that, the linked written pages are much easier on the eyes although the font is a bit small but easily changed with browser options. As for the text, it is extremely in-depth and will most probably be of great interest to those who enjoy that aspect of the lifestyle.

< Message edited by ehlovindom -- 2/19/2006 6:18:20 PM >


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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/19/2006 6:56:48 PM   
Wulfchyld


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Corrected. Thank you ehlovindom.

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/19/2006 7:07:28 PM   
BitaTruble


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Having now read through a good portion of what you so far, all I can say is that I hope you continue the work in progress. It's fascinating and becomes addictive. Kudo's on the job so far. I've put this one into my favorite places so I can go back and reread at my leisure.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/23/2006 7:38:07 PM   
Wulfchyld


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Thank you all for your support. It is near publisher time and i have built a site for people interested in my book to come learn a little more http://klashaan.bravehost.com thats better.

< Message edited by Wulfchyld -- 2/23/2006 8:12:10 PM >

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/23/2006 7:44:19 PM   
slavejali


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I've read a little bit and liked what I've seen so far. Good luck with publishing!

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/23/2006 9:12:27 PM   
ProtagonistLily


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quote:

needs a dictionary in the worst way.

Ron


And a grammar and spell-checker as well.

Kassie

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/23/2006 9:22:41 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld
I am working on a book that I would greatly appreciate feedback… good, bad, or ugly on.


OK, so here are my thoughts.

1) I am all about the protocol. I enjoy the detail and the effort. Thanks much for sharing.

2) I found the "unusual" language distracting. I am not sure of its intent. In my mind there are those that use language as a gimmick, such as John Norman and his Gorean words, and those who use language as the integral part of the story, such as J.R.R. Tolkien or Neal Stephenson. Unfortunately, for me, this has much more a feel of the former.

Languages evolve. They are formed by a history (the evolution of a culture), and are not just a English-Whatever translation book.

I would highly recommend you read some of Tolkiens works on the Elvish language and try to bring some of that to your use of Lantion.

Or perhaps take a step back and develop this idea a bit more: "A note on pronunciation in the Lantion language, which is the language all others stem from, you will see unfamiliar words that are of the Lantion language."

If this statement is true, I imagine there would be a lot more cognates than we actualy find. (A quick scan of your dictionay turned up "Tempus".) Languages tend to grow as their culture's history does, so it is unlikely that all those words would just vanish. Instead, perhaps you could work your language as a simplified root of other languages...fewer letters...no future tense...no verb conjugation. It would make for an interesting experiment...

You have an ambitious project on your hands...good luck with it!

Taggard

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/24/2006 7:00:46 AM   
magdelina


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i offer greetings. the first site was wonderful, and i read much of it. i tried to go to the second site,and could not get past the front page. i beg to know how to rectify, as i am very engrossed all ready. i thank You for Your condsideration.

magdelina

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 2/24/2006 7:02:14 AM   
magdelina


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oh dear, mercy, when is this girl going to remember to edit? oy, consideration.

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 3/13/2006 4:28:38 PM   
Wulfchyld


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Thank you all for you feedback. It is most welcome.

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 3/13/2006 6:01:56 PM   
thetammyjo


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Ah, um....

How to say this politely.....?

For something that claims to be 'ancient practices' you seem to mostly cite fictional or unproveable societies.

Surely there are historical societies you could create models from?

I've given a lectures at differnce events about Roman slavery and I personal use it as one model for the 24/7, owner-slave relationships I create today.

As this stands, as a reviewer and a historian I would not give what you have a good review at all -- if you present it as purely fiction then that would be a different story.

Just because we are kinky does not, in my strong opinion, mean we get to make up history and forego solid research.


< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 3/13/2006 6:04:44 PM >


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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 3/13/2006 6:05:30 PM   
Cloudz


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Loki,

Thank you for the opportunity to read your writings. I find it interesting and look forward to reading more. The illustrations are also beautiful.

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 3/13/2006 6:29:47 PM   
Wulfchyld


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Tammy, did you miss the fiction sign on the front page of the web site?



Norman zhebra’e ladatur sh’ asad avarea sh’ a’ezar lebra’d. Tolkien sarsosa odras’e sedey’a nana ladatur. Kuri zar itur vis alentu vash’ tasar’um ladatur’d. Germanic skrava’d vis zhebra’e sh’t Awfwyn. Fre sh’t tu n’tu ukways ladatur, Marc Okrand dondre tu mosh’k shkota. Kor brur elon trana el bry Lantis felata, sh’i lurwadra’d turs vash melu’e oush’. Sh’i daust’d sh’ davaro kanos bry Lantions nostrum hal’a tu diona ono melu’e ladatur O sivahso.

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RE: Bry Klashaan a look at D/s - 3/13/2006 6:35:11 PM   
thetammyjo


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wulfchyld

Tammy, did you miss the fiction sign on the front page of the web site?



Norman zhebra’e ladatur sh’ asad avarea sh’ a’ezar lebra’d. Tolkien sarsosa odras’e sedey’a nana ladatur. Kuri zar itur vis alentu vash’ tasar’um ladatur’d. Germanic skrava’d vis zhebra’e sh’t Awfwyn. Fre sh’t tu n’tu ukways ladatur, Marc Okrand dondre tu mosh’k shkota. Kor brur elon trana el bry Lantis felata, sh’i lurwadra’d turs vash melu’e oush’. Sh’i daust’d sh’ davaro kanos bry Lantions nostrum hal’a tu diona ono melu’e ladatur O sivahso.


Apparently YES. It wasn't on the link you provided but a separate page that you have to scroll down after much talk of ghost writing.... there are people out there who do indeed consider this truth not ficition.

I would strongly suggest removing the word "ancient" from your title though because it is very misleading -- obviously.

I have read so much crap that claims some ancient or historical basis that I'm very sensitive on it.



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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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