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how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 8:21:19 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		So you exchange a few nice emails, move onto yahoo or the phone, how soon do you submit?

I'm talking things like calling him Sir, giving up control of some small piece of your life.

Do you do this right away, if the chemistry is there?

Or do you wait until you meet face to face?




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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 8:54:52 AM   
olena


Posts: 97
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline 		I do not get feelings for anyone until I have met them so online is just to find a possible match and go from there.

In my limited experience in dating I would equate it like a regular relationship and as the more time spent with each other and the more things in our lives merge the more I submit until it is total. There maybe communication that directly goes to specifics and keeping on the same page but to develop feelings for a man means the need to submit to him.

Artificial lines in the sand and thinking one can turn it on or off at will to me would be a cause for concern. I believe it has to come from you and when you feel it.

(in reply to daintydimples)
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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 9:50:34 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		I think it depends on the types of things wanted.  I once curled my hair daily for a Master I hadn't yet met in person but we would speak on webcam so he could see the results.  I had no problem with that.  However, when he told me to get a tattoo as his mark before I met him in person I said no, that in my mind a collar came before a mark, and a meeting came well before the collar.  I know some subs wouldn't have even curled their hair.

_____________________________



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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 9:56:17 AM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you. These are exactly the kind of responses I am looking for.

Whether I would cam with someone and curl my hair for them (okay in my case, straighten my hair, mine is curly enough, ty) before we had met would depend on the person, and the situation.

Get a tattoo? No frikking way !! But then I am not a tattoo "type."



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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 10:00:39 AM   
tolovetolaugh


Posts: 648
Joined: 4/30/2008
Status: offline 		Not until after face to face, at the very least.
They are not real people in my eyes until I meet them. And I will be damned if I am going to submit to my own imagination.
However once we do agree to meet, I will often be willing to do small things, like come with my hair up, or wearing a skirt, or certain color.


_____________________________


That which yields, is not always weak. —
Jacqueline Carey (Kushiel's Dart)

I wrote a porn!
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3840531

(in reply to daintydimples)
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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 12:10:43 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		I submit the minute the person views my profile.

but honestly it depends on the person and I'm not one that submits to everybody

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~Ms. Awesomeness to YOU!~

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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 12:18:54 PM   
daintydimples


Posts: 967
Joined: 7/6/2009
Status: offline 		For me part of that time frame revolves around how soon we can meet. Which is why I am really looking for someone (fairly) local.

I have also experienced the long drawn out platonic friendship that really didn't go anywhere, although there seemed plenty of chemistry to begin with. Still trying to figure that one out.

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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 1:10:36 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		  Face to face and at least some level of mutual knowledge - I want to have a fair idea of who he is; I want him to have a fair of who I am. 

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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 1:16:09 PM   
newone11


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		Technically speaking I submitted right away.  For our first meeting he told me which restaurant we were going to and that I was expected to be on time.  I was also given instructions to wear skirt/dress and heels.  His expectations were not unreasonable or over the top so I saw no harm in complying with them even though it was an initial meeting.  I admit I was a little peeved that he didn't made any inappropriate suggestions.  Darn the luck! :)

(in reply to daintydimples)
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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 3:15:47 PM   
frazzle


Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		When you submit is up to you, no hard and fast rules.

I'd rather wait til ive met someone and see if the chemistry is there.

Saying that ive no objections to them sugesting what i wear etc for that first meet, as long as its appropriate, dressing up as a slut for a coffee meet at tescos, mid morning is not appropriate. I still have to live here. lol

(in reply to daintydimples)
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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 3:21:18 PM   
omkfY


Posts: 104
Joined: 7/7/2009
From: State of Jefferson
Status: offline 		I don't see submission as an on/off switch.  It's a gradual process with the depth of submission growing as W/we become more intimate.

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 3:26:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Depends on the chemistry. I know people who have had amazing chemistry and met the next night for hard play and are still together years later. And others who don't submit for months until after all kinds of conversation and for whom the first scene is the last.

No way to tell. It's what feels right to both of you.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 7:38:53 PM   
DearJessicaD


Posts: 55
Joined: 10/26/2008
From: East Coast
Status: offline 		I haven't had a ton of relationships so never developed rules for myself on this. With my current boyfriend (who I have always called by his name) we were much more flirty and everything he wanted was presented more as a suggestion rather than an order in the beginning of our relationship.

When we talked about moving in together, that's when he explained how he envisioned it going (my being naked whenever home, etc.).

(in reply to daintydimples)
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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 8:11:11 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Not until face to face, and even then it wasn't until I was comfortable. Which could be a month or more or less.

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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 8:49:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't submit to someone until we meet face to face and you just feel that spark between the two of you.

With Master it was instant. I knew I wanted and desired him. I knew I wanted to know more about him, to get to know him, maybe eventually make him a part of my life. The moment I saw him I knew it was all over for me.

With others it wasn't that easy or that quick.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 8:53:10 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		When I felt a level of trust and mutual understanding of what each other was looking for, compiled with not only physical attraction, but mental.  Its usually a gradual thing, it will start with little things, asking if its okay to head to bed or if there is anything He would like to talk about before then, for example. 

This also come with the fact that we have known each other for a while, and are planning a meeting within a month or two.

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire



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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/14/2009 11:19:40 PM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		i met Sir in meatspace and have never looked for anyone in cyberspace, He asked for my phone number and i offered Him email instead in case i felt too shy or scared when He contacted me. He made my heart flutter but that was besides the point where safety was concerned. i could wait to respond for a day and drum up courage. That and i was awful at phone conversations at the time.
i did not accept instructions on our first date that were markedly beyond any vanilla first date instructions. i might have reflexively responded to a basic command later in the evening, like "Come with Me over here" or "Hold my drink for a moment."  And i'm not sure if i made a lot of eye contact either or spoke very much out-of-turn.  But i was not told to act that way, those behaviors were just there. i would have baulked if i'd received instructions like that before the first in-person date. And if those behaviors hadn't shown up as unconscious reactions within the first couple of dates, i would've said that their was no chemistry for D/s stuff.

i guess i'd go by whether it feels safe and whether it all flows well.  i'd want to know He saw me as human before He saw me as a female submissive and i like the idea of Him feeling recognized as an individual Human first and foremost as well.  It can be scary and difficult and extreme later, when He trusts me and i trust Him. If we're two people looking for something solid and good, what's the rush?
And quick hook-ups?  That'd stay the plain flavor, thanks.

Did i answer the OP question at all?  Not sure.

spelling edit.


< Message edited by petmonkey -- 7/14/2009 11:30:57 PM >

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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/15/2009 8:21:04 AM   
maia09


Posts: 113
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

So you exchange a few nice emails, move onto yahoo or the phone, how soon do you submit?

I'm talking things like calling him Sir, giving up control of some small piece of your life.

Do you do this right away, if the chemistry is there?

Or do you wait until you meet face to face?



Well, it really doesn't matter how anyone else submits now does it? You appear to already know what's comfortable for you and that's the only thing that actually matters. Submission for me is not something i control. It's also not something that has happened quickly for me, unless we're playing at it. Deep felt submission is a matter of having met the right One for me. i can pretend to submit, have fun but that's never been my real desire. In any event, i recommend at least getting to know the person and yes, definitely meeting in person first, before agreeing to submit to anything.


_____________________________

She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.

"I will always be the virgin-prositute, the perverse angel, the two-faced sinister and saintly woman." - Anais Nin

Owned by Chairman


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RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/15/2009 8:56:25 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

So you exchange a few nice emails, move onto yahoo or the phone, how soon do you submit?

I'm talking things like calling him Sir, giving up control of some small piece of your life.

Do you do this right away, if the chemistry is there?

Or do you wait until you meet face to face?



If you mean actually *submitting my will*.....then probably years, and has happened once and I'm still with that person.

If you mean *doing submissive things*...... then, pretty much anytime *I* feel like it.

I haven't ever had this *chemistry* thing. I can do all manner of *submissive things* without submitting my will for a single moment. I can wear a skirt, call someone Godly-One, allow them to  do all manner of things........without submitting at all. All I'm doing is *agreeing to*.

agirl





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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: how soon do you submit? - 7/15/2009 9:15:33 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		For Master and i it happened fairly quickly. it happend on our first face to face meet. From our phone conversations i knew i really like him and he might just be the one i was looking for, but i was not sure. He did not give me instructions on what to wear, he just said wear whatever you are comfortable in. For me that was jeans and a sweater ( it was Feb). Once he kissed me that was it i was his. However we had 2 more face to face meetng working out just how we wanted our relationship to go. Our first play session he told me what to wear and since i was his already had no trouble obeying.

Depends on the 2 people i coukd not submit until i met him.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 20
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