RE: how soon do you submit? (Full Version)

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atypicalsub -> RE: how soon do you submit? (7/15/2009 10:36:15 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: olena

Artificial lines in the sand and thinking one can turn it on or off at will to me would be a cause for concern. I believe it has to come from you and when you feel it.



I completely agree with this. I would never set an abitrary time for anything in a relationship. You jsut have to go with when it feels right. My Mistress and I met online. We lived over a thousand miles apart so meeting face to face had to wait a while. Once we trades phone numbers we were talking on the phone for 3+ hours every nights (a couple of times until sunrise). After about a month of that I requested she allow me to wear her collar of intent so that when I attended bdsm functions other dominants would know right away that I was already spoken for.



NuevaVida -> RE: how soon do you submit? (7/15/2009 7:53:39 PM)

As has been said, the situation is different for everyone, and often dependent on circumstances.  My Daddy and I spoke for a couple of months (email & phone) before we met and I not only did not submit but I wouldn't even flirt.  At our first couple of dinners out together I felt a definite chemistry with him, but submission came very slowly.  We focused on getting to know each other in all areas of our lives, beyond D/s, before D/s was brought in.  Even now, I am submissive to him but we are moving forward at a slow pace in that regard, keeping things balanced - D/s and non-D/s. 





eyesopened -> RE: how soon do you submit? (7/16/2009 1:45:02 AM)

I am comfortable with simplicity.  The dictionary defines submission as yielding to authority.  Simple.  So I submit or yeild to that which I recognize as authority.  How can one yeild to something they don't recognize?  As you recognize and acknowledge Authority, yeild to it. 

I can recognize a person's authority as a Man or a Dominant almost immediately and am comfortable with addressing as Sir or other term of polite respect.  Some I met never did demonstrate authority beyond that polite respect so I yeilded nothing more.  Others I recognized their authority and mastery of certain bdsm activities and I yeilded to that but no further.

My Master has authority over everything in my life other than my offspring.  He doesn't want that authority or responsibility.  To everything else, I yeild completely because I recognize His authority.  I see it, I know it, and yeilding to it is as natural as breathing. 



Mistressbinature -> RE: how soon do you submit? (7/18/2009 2:24:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

So you exchange a few nice emails, move onto yahoo or the phone, how soon do you submit?

I'm talking things like calling him Sir, giving up control of some small piece of your life.

Do you do this right away, if the chemistry is there?

Or do you wait until you meet face to face?






With all due repect to the OP, this is not rule by committee. There are no right or wrong answers. You do what you feel ok with



WNCsub -> RE: how soon do you submit? (7/18/2009 6:56:06 AM)

Next week i will be offering myself as a slave. i met Sir here, and We/we immediately connected. First we sent emails through cm and then we chatted here before moving to Yahoo. Within 2 days we had our face meet. And immediately We/we both knew what We/we wanted. That first night i begged Him to make me His. But He is a very wise man, and said that i had to go home and think about it while i was alone first. When we meet again next week, i will be offering myself to my Sir, and i know that i will become His.



gentlemanprince -> RE: how soon do you submit? (7/18/2009 8:01:55 AM)

I never made a conscious decision to submit. It just happened and I couldn't tell you when.



jeninvegas -> RE: how soon do you submit? (7/19/2009 4:25:14 AM)

I wait till I meet in person, at least.  And after that, we'd have to build trust in each other before moving on to submission.  But small things like calling him Sir would be quick "this person is respectable" type evaluation.  [:)]



sravaka -> RE: how soon do you submit? (7/19/2009 7:14:41 AM)

quote:

With all due repect to the OP, this is not rule by committee. There are no right or wrong answers. You do what you feel ok with
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mistressbinature

quote:

ORIGINAL: daintydimples

So you exchange a few nice emails, move onto yahoo or the phone, how soon do you submit?

I'm talking things like calling him Sir, giving up control of some small piece of your life.

Do you do this right away, if the chemistry is there?




Aaargh.  Responses like these annoy the hell out of me.  Sometimes one posts a question hoping to hear a variety of responses and rationales without any assumption that there is One True Way.  (I had no sense that the OP sought a OTW)

Having noted that gratuitously....  I'm with various others up thread--  there are (rare) people toward whom I have an immediate submissive reaction.  There's no first line decision in it-- something about interacting with the other person simply provokes a desire to obey and  please.  I think of it as a kind of chemistry.  The decision for me is about giving in to that impulse vs. holding back while attempting to assess whether giving in is wise. 

The current domly one told me in our first week of interacting that I was "under new management."  With many, if not most, I would have scoffed.  With others (those who provoked the reaction but whom I saw no reason to trust) it might have provoked fear-- how would I balance his expectations with my own need to figure things out and feel safe?  With him I was delighted, largely because, despite saying such a thing, he was utterly measured about what sort of submission he required from me at any particular point-- it was always entirely in proportion to my level of comfort (as in, even pushing involved pushing just far enough, but not so far that I had to freak out about it.) 

I don't as a rule mind small tokens of "submission" even before I've met someone, esp. if the meet is likely to be delayed for some reason (though I don't view these as commensurate with *submission* without the scare quotes).   It can (sometimes, at least) provide an opportunity to test how sane/reasonable the other party is, and simply to assess compatibility.    It can be no more nor less than a kind of flirting.  But if doing so would feel fake (responding to an order for the sake of being agreeable, without feeling a genuine pull) I won't go there.








Or do you wait until you meet face to face?






With all due repect to the OP, this is not rule by committee. There are no right or wrong answers. You do what you feel ok with



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