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RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/14/2009 11:39:52 PM   
vasha


Posts: 99
Joined: 2/20/2009
Status: offline 		...  ouch    

in every group, a few rotten can ruin things for the greater whole.  thus i see it here. =((

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 12:05:29 AM   
Reigna


Posts: 334
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline 		OP, you sound like I must have sounded a few years ago. I wanted--hell, I needed a partner--but none was to be found. I'd been around the block and around the barn, and was sick to death of it all. It got to the point where I would take a look at any nominally submissive male who showed up more or less on time and free of visible sucking parasites. Even now, I could recite chapter and verse of what was wrong with every reject. And there were lots of them.

The proximate cause of my success in finding a partner was asking perverted friends and acquaintances for referrals to unattached submissive men. I hit pay dirt with roughly the millionth person I asked. But what really worked was persistence. Finding a partner is a numbers game, and to play it requires that you throw the dice round after round after round. You have to be willing to do this with an open heart and an open mind. You have to believe that it's possible to get what you want, and you have to look at every prospect with at least a glimmer of hope that this might be the one. If you are burned out and preoccupied, you cannot do this.

Take a break. Don't read CM (It's possible! Go cold turkey!), don't cruise the ads, don't spend a lot of energy thinking about rope bottoms vs. service submissives vs. wankers. Go on about your other business. The desire and the drive will come back when you're ready.

I don't mean for the business of finding a partner to sound all airy-fairy and magical, because it isn't. But neither is it something you can make happen by sheer force of will. What you need to do is a little like sleeping on a problem, except you're going to be doing a lot of it while you're wide awake. Hint: When you're posting here, you're not doing what you need to do, which is let it be.

Now go! Shoo! Do something else for awhile! 

< Message edited by Reigna -- 7/15/2009 12:13:17 AM >

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 12:07:38 AM   
VampyreMagic


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/26/2005
Status: offline 		Greetings

I have had 19 yrs active in the BDSM lifestyle. During that time I have had four males and one female. The first male was a "Drag Queen" his choice of title, but he wanted to be a submissive as well, so we worked to improve his style, presentation and appearance until he became quite a good queen. He really didnt like pain or bondage and he was gay...so playing or sceneing just didnt work well...although he could scrub floors, clean toilets and mow yards  all day long and not gripe one bit.  I had that male for two years when time to renew his contract came up he decided that he wanted to try a Master and not a Mistress so I released him.  The second male was a slave through and through, he would do  anything and everything I asked, never questioned me and was thrilled to be given the opportunity to sleep on the floor at the foot of my bed. However this male hated pain play, bondage and sensory play was fine...but he hated pain. He was with me for three years but then was forced to leave for family reasons.  My third male was a pain slut, absolutely loved pain play and was a masochist through and through....but he literally sucked at being a slave. He always had an excuse why he couldnt do something or why he forgot something. I knew it was his way of gettiing attention and he hoped getting punished. He was fun to play with but unfortunaltey he had to be dismissed due to an additction... I have only one rule that I refuse to bend on....NO DRUGS. After over two years I found out he was back on drugs and so I gave him the option of going into treatment or leaving....he left.

My next individual was a female, she called herself a slave.... I wasnt quite sure. She moved in with me after only a week of knowing her, oddly enough this was not the first time this had happened. She was quite a pain slut, and was obedient when she wanted to be. The rest of the time she was one hell of a little SAM (Smart Assed Maschocist). I wouldnt even go so far as to call her a submissive, since I would order her to get me a cup of tea and I hate to think of how many times I heard something like "can I finish my cigarette first" or "ok, hang on, let me get to a save place on this game". To me she didnt even understand what it meant to be either a slave or a sub. I honestly think she was a masochist, and nothing more.... she wanted me to scene with her when she wanted to scene, and the rest of the time we were equals.

My current male goes out of his way to help me, he never over steps his boundaries, and is open minded enough to be willing to try anything. He works hard at his duties and feels as if his world has caved in when I feel that something wasnt done properly. After we met, it was less than a week and he was sleeping on the floor by my bed everynight. It has been 8 wonderful months so far and I look foward to many, many years with my Vasha.


As to all the talk about titles and such. Why worry about it? I have found that many people that claim to be submissive, dont even understand the meaning of the word. One of my first tests for any perspective individual is that I want them to write me or message me every day. It seems like an innoccent thing but it honestly tells me volumes about the person. If they cant take the time to write three sentances and email them to me once a day then that tells me I am not as important as say watching that rerun of the Simpsons that he/she just had to see. Unless the person has a valid excuse I use this test to weed out the wannabees and instand subs... you know the kind...just add water and they are a submissive.

There is a big difference between being submissive and being service orriented. I dont care if a person is submissive to me or not, I want them to serve me. Slave, submissive. service top, or servant. I dont care what they call themselves as long as they meet my needs and we are both happy, who cares what label you stick on it.

Norische

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 4:13:19 AM   
AngelicaGoddess


Posts: 61
Joined: 10/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

Another thing struck me on the way home tonight.  One of the threads a few weeks ago that really had a negative impact on my thinking was the one where some of our regular posters were saying that they couldn't see the point to service if it didn't fulfill their kink in some way.  Either they had to enjoy the activity in a submissive way or they had to be promised playtime after their service was complete.  Someone had said words to the effect of why do it if there's no payoff, the implication being "kinky payoff."  Well, in my world, people do things for each other because they care about each other.  My brother doesn't say to his wife, "Honey, I'll build that bookcase for you if you'll have sex with me."  He builds the bookcase because his wife wants a new bookcase and he likes to see her happy.  So that's definitely one of the reasons why I wonder if a sub who claims to be service-orientated might be a worse bet than someone who is just plain kinky.  If there are going to be any strings attached, I'll be the one tying the knots.




Each and every relationship is an exchange and a "payoff" if you like, for example would your brother build a bookcase for his wife and try to make her happy, if she wouldn't do the same for him? Maybe not building a bookcase but doing things that make him happy.

I had disastrous relationships in the past and part of it was my own fault, I'm not a victim, I did my part, I didn't listen what they told me, I heard what I wanted to hear. There was a guy who said he was submissive and his submissiveness was that he wanted to dance for me, ballet, he was quite good at it but I didn't get much out of a man dancing for me and nothing else. It ended in tears, I should have listened more closely.

In our "family" there's a girl who just can't handle her finances, she would fritter it all away on stupid ornaments, clothes she'll never wear, etc. So I organize her finances, give her a budget, she's also the most wonderful maso and a joy to play with, we both get something out of the relationship and care for each other. Would she stay if she would get nothing out of it? I highly doubt it, just like I wouldn't let her stay if I wouldn't get anything out of it. So it's all a "trade off" or a "payoff", the difference is that in a relationship that works, people don't see it as a payoff, they do it because they want to make each other happy. They have to do their part, but I also have to do my part. The clearer people are when they are voicing their expectations and what they are willing to give, the less problems are there in the end, when there are agendas, that's when the problems start.
The "I just want to please you" sounds awfully cute, but I want to know what they are getting out of it, in case it is not just a casual encounter, because then I can make sure that it's within my own comfort zone. I'm not eager to add to our family, but if the right one comes along, I would also not rule it out.

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 6:54:21 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		FR - I think I will take Reigna's advice and make this my last post on CM for a very long time.

Panda - Wouldn't a convent for pandas be a zoo?  If you joined one, you could spend your life in a cage, perhaps a win-win situation all around?  Free food, too!

Reigna - Much of what you write makes sense, but then, you already knew that.  Oddly enough, I'm not even sure if I want a man in my life.  I wouldn't mind it if I could find one who met my standards, which, as Kia has perceived, are difficult to meet, so I wasn't expecting it to be an easy slog, I just wasn't expecting it to be so discouraging.  I virtually never initiate contact with anyone, so it's mostly been responding to what lands in my mailbox, and we all know what a messy job that can be.  I will absolutely take your advice and get away from corresponding with anyone I don't already know as a friend.  Perhaps one of the friends I have now will turn into something more later on, but other than that, I can't see being receptive to any more overtures.  It really is time to get on and do the other things that I want to do.

Goodbye, everybody.  Take care of yourselves.  It's been fun chatting!

(in reply to AngelicaGoddess)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 7:23:41 AM   
LdyyR


Posts: 160
Joined: 11/21/2008
Status: offline 		Bye for now Venatrix,

Your pressence here will be missed.


_____________________________

Rosa

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 8:32:31 AM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Well, maybe once I get to that coast, I can drag you out to something just to have fun.  I won't be that far off from San Fransisco.  Going out for dinner with kinksters can't be bad, right?  I'll even wear regular people clothes, rather than the leather.  I promise.  Just for you.


Let's take her out and get her roaring drunk at Folsom. We'll tell the limo driver to just cruise up and down through the Castro, and she can roll down the back window and yell, "Yo! Beefcake boy! Show me yer cerebral cortex!"


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 9:43:03 AM   
frankx


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda


Let's take her out and get her roaring drunk at Folsom. We'll tell the limo driver to just cruise up and down through the Castro, and she can roll down the back window and yell, "Yo! Beefcake boy! Show me yer cerebral cortex!"



Why do I think V still won't get to see what she wants when she shouts that!  I think you'd see many things, but probably not what you expect.

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 9:58:42 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		<FOLSOM ENVY!!>

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to frankx)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 10:45:06 AM   
frankx


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		If I knew what Folsom was!  lol

Trying to be helpful here, but if instead V was to shout "Yo Beefcake!  How big is your cranium box?"  She might get replies back like "Mine's huge. Wanna look?"

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 11:31:32 AM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: frankx

If I knew what Folsom was!  lol

Trying to be helpful here, but if instead V was to shout "Yo Beefcake!  How big is your cranium box?"  She might get replies back like "Mine's huge. Wanna look?"


But that sounds discouragingly similar to what she's already getting. I'm picturing some 30-something studmuffin, shirtless, leather chaps, 6'4" with muscles rippling beneath his bronze skin like a wheatfield in the summer breeze, the golden light shining all about him; in response to her challenge, he turns, slowly... his steely grey eyes gaze deep into her own, an expression something like Sean Connery's sneer and George Clooney's smile plays lightly across his face, as he drops to one knee and bows his head toward her... "If it pleases you, ma'am", says he in a soft, gentle rumble of a voice, and begins a discourse on the influence Chaucer had on English literature by writing his poetry in English rather than Latin.... using obscure passages from Shakespeare to illustrate his argument, drawing comparisons between the works of Keats, Blake, and Byron, and tracing the influences of those poets back to the techniques Chaucer employed in "The Pardoner's Tale"... hell, you never know. It's Folsom; anything can happen!


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to frankx)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 12:00:40 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Shakespeare?  That hack? 

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 12:11:03 PM   
frankx


Posts: 31
Joined: 10/3/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah but you get a classier sounding range of insults from "that hack".  As per the link here.

http://www.william-shakespeare.org.uk/a1-shakespearean-insults-generator.htm

I got "Thou mewling idle-headed strumpet!" when I tried it.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 1:25:01 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Shakespeare?  That hack? 


Come come, Lady Hib.  Your envy is unwarranted!  I'm sure there have been plenty of notable American playwrights!

[Aside: I've really got to remember to say 'Come come' more often.  It's pomposity-irritation value is unmatchable.]

_____________________________

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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 1:51:00 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Shakespeare?  That hack? 


Yeah, no kidding. There's just no accounting for some people's artistic tastes, is there?


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 1:52:07 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Shakespeare?  That hack? 


Come come, Lady Hib.  Your envy is unwarranted!  I'm sure there have been plenty of notable American playwrights!

[Aside: I've really got to remember to say 'Come come' more often.  It's pomposity-irritation value is unmatchable.]


Well, you can pull it off a lot more adroitly than I ever could. I just can't type with an English accent to save my life.


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 2:20:40 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		It takes breeding and panache, my dear Panda.  What?  Mwah, ha-ha.

Tip:  stick a coin in your eye and pretend it's a monocle.  Or pencil a curly moustache above your lip. 

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 3:55:27 PM   
CdnExplorer


Posts: 227
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline 		But be careful about doing both, unless you want the effect to become permanent 

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 9:27:33 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix
Panda - Wouldn't a convent for pandas be a zoo?  If you joined one, you could spend your life in a cage, perhaps a win-win situation all around?  Free food, too!


It has its merits. Certainly, my bamboo bills would become much more manageable. It's criminal, the price of bamboo these days! Hard for a private panda to stay in business!


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists - 7/15/2009 9:28:35 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CdnExplorer

But be careful about doing both, unless you want the effect to become permanent 


"Your face is going to freeze like that...!" Where have I heard that before?


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to CdnExplorer)
Profile   Post #: 40
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