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TexasMaam -> RE: Sub Males vs. Bondage Enthusiasts and Masochists (7/18/2009 9:39:21 PM)
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Vena,
I hope your curiousity got the best of you and that you had to return to CM for just one more peek at the blog.
You and I touched on burnout on another thread not so very long ago...
don't let the negativity in some responses blind you to some valuable insights elswhere on a thread. Take what you read with a grain of salt, especially if it gets under your skin.
My experiences are far different from most Dommes posting here, so My answers are usually quite different due to a much different perspective.
I think it's fair to say that I have known only one man who was a hard core masochist who did not, would not, ever identify as a submissive. He was an entrepreneur from a wealthy family who was, and presumably still is, a formidably masculine, dominant man who ran several companies as well as several political circles with a firm sort of savoire faire. He kept company with the most feminine and submissive sort of women. He ruled his business world as well as his personal life with a polished and professional dictatorial personality that would make most Domina's teeth gnash in fury. He married a demure and quiet woman who was content to let him handle all matters pertaining to their lives. That is not to say he was condescending, far from it, he was simply a man of position who was used to having his way.
He also happened to be a hard core bondage and pain freak. A session in tortuous bondage, or at the end of a whip, would put him in a cathartic state of release that he was addicted to more than a junkie was to heroin.
He would 'submit' to a session just as if he were reluctantly permitting a doctor to examine him for pre op for some major surgery. It simply had to be done. He was happy to pay any price to get it, especially at the hand of a discreet and experienced Dominatrix.
Every other BDSM partner I've known in life has identified as a submissive to women at their core. They loved pleasing a woman, whether it were a small or a grand gesture, a thousand times a day. Some of them were crossdressers, some were pain puppies, some were bondage freaks, some were bisexual, some were straight.... every relationship has had it's different focus, fetish and flair.
Was the hard core masochist a fulfilling relationship for Me? Absolutely. He was the only man who took everything I could dish out. I had an absolute ball. I would have sessioned him for free just for the experience he offered.
Would I have wanted a long term interpersonal, emotional, intimate relationship with him? Absolutely not. He was not about pleasing Me, he was all about getting what he needed. He'd have driven Me batty by day two.
That said, I have consistently found men of some experience and maturity to be the most satisfying of partners. A submissive who can tell you that he craves caning, or bondage, or whatever the fetish, is one who has focused time and considerable effort in learning about himself and his submissive nature.
In My opinion, you simply haven't met the right man.
You'll know him when it happens.
That old adage is true, lovely lady:
You have to whip a LOT of frogs to find your prince charming.
Chin up, My friend, and keep on searching. He's out there.
All the best,
TexasMaam
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