quote:

ORIGINAL: strangemelody

Is there any hope that my gentle and kind boyfriend will find his Dom side? I was attracted to him partly because he’s such a nice guy. I even tried to enjoy the kind of “nice” sex that he likes. Unfortunately I prefer my sex to be anything but nice. I’m trying to get him to try the things that turn me on—spanking, hair pulling, restraining me, etc. He’s making an effort. But I also know he’d rather be kissing me, caressing me, and making tender love to me. He refuses to call me names. He doesn’t want to hurt me. He says pretending to rape me would be a huge turn off.

I have to instruct him every time we have sex. “No, stop kissing me, be rough with me, I’m your whore, not your girlfriend, don’t ask if it hurts, don’t be romantic, just fuck me.” Right now I don’t think either of us are enjoying sex. Maybe I just need to be patient and realize that he needs to be trained for a while. I’m hoping to awaken his desires for dominance; I don’t want him to just go through the motions for me. But maybe if it’s not in his nature to “disrespect” and control a woman, it never will be?

He also likes me to dominate him by slapping, punching, kicking and standing on his balls. I do it because it makes him happy, but it worries me that he prefers to be the submissive one. I want him to want me to be submissive, to surrender to him, to be his sex slave, to be used, to be thrown around. I tell him we can kiss and cuddle after it’s all done, but he doesn’t think that will make it “all better.” He’s worried about being an asshole. He doesn’t want our kinky sex life to poison our normal life.

He says he wants equality. I can deal with equality…but not in the bedroom. I need a man to be in control, to boss me around, to be forceful and harsh. He says I “just think I need it” and I could adapt to vanilla sex if I really tried. Well I did try. For four months. Four months of no orgasms. Four months of discontent. And I love the guy, I do. This is the one major issue with us. I don’t want to break up with him over sex, but I don’t want to remain unsatisfied either. He thinks I can change, I want him to change…is it possible for either of us to really change? Or is being kinky/vanilla more innate than that?

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

FR

I can't understand this 'need' to change a person into what you want. There is obviously something about him that attracted you in the first place; why are you so determined to change that? I can almost guarantee that if you continue to push him; you are going to lose him.

quote:

ORIGINAL: msgntlhrt
I'm new to this but I think most people men included are either naturally submissive or naturally dominant.