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D/D Relationship or Household - 7/14/2009 10:19:43 PM

Esinn

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Joined: 6/23/2009
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I am finding it interesting watching a 'fetish' manifest itself. I think this one might push the limits of being a fetish. It might become one of those interests that define who you are - in context to this board. It is something which I never considered prior to joining the forum. Which is what interests me. With that considered it came across quickly, too quickly possibly? Simply put I really dig the thought.

I am interested in the dynamics in a D/D(M/F) relationship or poly home. It seems doomed to fail from the start. A power struggle causing immediate friction only to destroy the foundation. I've wrote a few; it is easier to talk to my dog. However, I am involved in some good conversations. I find myself questioning it during internal dialogue. Is exploring this setting myself up to fail? Is there a term for this? Rather than ask a million questions any thoughts or comments?

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/14/2009 10:44:36 PM

HeavansKeeper

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I assume D/D(M/F) is a male and a female, both dominant. Assuming neither is a switch, and they don't like the whole "Force me to submit" angle, then they'd be best suited with a person who can satisfy their needs. Assuming they've grown beyond the conventional belief that a relationship is two people only, they might be very pleased with a submissive or submissive couple - to play with, if not live with.

There is a potential for friction, but nothing open honesty can't overcome. I would assume submissive wife, vanilla husband is more of a powder keg in the eyes of stereotypical middle America. For every "tough combination" there is a real life example.

In short:

If they were willing to add a third, I don't see any particular problem. If not, then prepare for dissatisfaction. Lots of people lead unsatisfying marriages. =\

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/14/2009 10:49:33 PM

Esinn

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Joined: 6/23/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

I assume D/D(M/F) is a male and a female, both dominant. Assuming neither is a switch, and they don't like the whole "Force me to submit" angle, then they'd be best suited with a person who can satisfy their needs. Assuming they've grown beyond the conventional belief that a relationship is two people only, they might be very pleased with a submissive or submissive couple - to play with, if not live with.

There is a potential for friction, but nothing open honesty can't overcome. I would assume submissive wife, vanilla husband is more of a powder keg in the eyes of stereotypical middle America. For every "tough combination" there is a real life example.

In short:

If they were willing to add a third, I don't see any particular problem. If not, then prepare for dissatisfaction. Lots of people lead unsatisfying marriages. =\

Aye! 50% of vanilla marriages end in divorce anyhow. It might be something worth exploring. Yes, you were correct in your assumption about my cryptography. I am not a switch so this is something I would not personally be interested in. However, it is not something I am against. Just something I am learning about.

*I noticed 10 profile views after this posted. This is not something reflected in my profile. It was not something I was considering.

I do not like to delete my messages when editing. I was on my way to sleep, I am tired. I am not thinking D/Switch. Lets blame it on exhaustion. The fantasy as it develops in my mind is D/D. I do believe this is more than a passing fantasy. It is fun to play with it as it manifests. I welcome other comments.

< Message edited by Esinn -- 7/14/2009 11:00:21 PM >

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 2:02:51 AM

Goddess2002

Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
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I suppose there are tricky dynamics to be considered as in any relationship. I was in an on/off relationship for 8 years in a D/D dynamic that simply turned into a power struggle. Granted,we were both young, impulsive, headstrong, and not very experienced.

I am involved with a Dominant Male currently...and yes, I am his submissive. That wasn't the intention when we first becme friends, but a gradual shift that occured naturally based on how we respond to the other. At first, having been Dominant in previous dynamics, I was embarrassed about this, but I've grown to embrace and truly enjoy it.

So sorry I don't have anything to add from personal experience re: a successful D/Drelationship... though I think it is an interesting exchange. I have seen a few posters who seem to be able to carry on with this arrangement....I'd be interested to know how they balance it out.

(in reply to Esinn)

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 2:15:31 AM

Mistressbinature

Posts: 64
Joined: 7/13/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

I am finding it interesting watching a 'fetish' manifest itself. I think this one might push the limits of being a fetish. It might become one of those interests that define who you are - in context to this board. It is something which I never considered prior to joining the forum. Which is what interests me. With that considered it came across quickly, too quickly possibly? Simply put I really dig the thought.

I am interested in the dynamics in a D/D(M/F) relationship or poly home. It seems doomed to fail from the start. A power struggle causing immediate friction only to destroy the foundation. I've wrote a few; it is easier to talk to my dog. However, I am involved in some good conversations. I find myself questioning it during internal dialogue. Is exploring this setting myself up to fail? Is there a term for this? Rather than ask a million questions any thoughts or comments?

on paper poly, looks great. Problem is that eventually you have to add people. And with people comes their insecurities, petty jealousy, irrational thoughts and emotional baggage

< Message edited by Mistressbinature -- 7/15/2009 2:18:53 AM >

(in reply to Esinn)

Post #: 5

RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 4:48:14 AM

IronBear

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From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Having a jolly good relationship with everything on the table to start with is a good start and then picking only those people who seem to fit in when you add people is a reasonable thing to do and again if everything is on the table there should be few problems. Neets and I talk about everything and have no secrets regarding our home. The largest deal breaker is anyone trying to ;put a wedge between Neets and I. Should that happen the offender's feet won't even touch the floor on the way out. I'm blessed in knowing a number of very successful poly homes of many years standing.

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 5:05:34 AM

Lashra

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It takes communication, honesty and the ability of both people (D/D) to bend and give sometimes. All relationships are give and take regardless of what some people may say otherwise. If someone is not willing to give/take or bend occasionally, then that person is, in my opinion, setting themselves up to be an island.

Yes these relationships do exist and flourish.

~Lashra

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Post #: 7

RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 5:22:10 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Speaking as someone who is in a D/D relationship, as well as poly, I'm not quite sure that I understand your question. There is no power struggle in D/D because neither has power over the other to begin with. When there is no one person having authority over the other, it works like any other situation where there is an equal partnership. Do we butt heads on things sometimes? Sure, but it's not due to the fact that one of us trying to exert authority over the other. It's over the same kinds of things that you'd expect any other two people would have.

Not every Dominant attempts to dominate every person they have interactions with. It's no different than any other person who is not My submissive.

Btw, yes, your terminology is correct. It is known as a D/D relationship.

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 10:10:17 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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Although we're not M/F, but F/F, I've lived with my companion in a D/D relationship for over a decade. For a while, we were D/D/D/N (technically, D/D/D/N/servants, with N being a neutral free person who didn't really do authority dynamics at all), and managed to have that function pretty well for us, too.

As I've said on one of the other boards (probably the poly board), the thing that makes a relationship work or not work isn't the particular dynamic -- it is a genuine desire for the relationship to be a priority for all of the individuals involved. This alleviates at least -some- of the potential friction, because the decisions that individual dominant members make are 'vetted' by those individuals (and sometimes by the group as a whole) to make sure that they will not cause more friction than the relationship could withstand. At the same time, although we are both dominant (and when there were four of us, at least one was pretty much 'untoppable'), we do know the value and art of compromise -- again, in the interests of what is good for the relationship, as a whole.

I don't think you're setting yourself up for failure. I think it requires the capacity to embrace a mindset where you challenge yourself to find novel solutions to complex challenges.As long as both of you can do that, and can embrace the idea of the relationship as your priority, there's no reason that this shouldn't work at least as well as any other healthy relationship, regardless of labels.

Dame Calla

< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 7/15/2009 10:11:32 AM >

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Post #: 9

RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 10:12:16 AM

LadyHibiscus

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If one person in a relationship is invested in being IN CHARGE, then there are going to be problems. I have had great D/D relationships and would love to have another one. Compromise, paying attention, and understanding that some needs have to be met elsewhere are important little tidbits

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 10:21:37 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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No more automatically doomed to fail than any other dynamic. People can decide who handles which decisions, they can choose to bottom to each other - not submit but solely bottom, they can open the relationship to include one sub for the household or each dominant can have their own sub. Like everything else, with sufficient self knowledge and communication you have more than a decent chance of success.

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 10:23:15 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
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-FR-

Huh?

Dom/Dom is just two doms who are together in an egalitarian relationship. They're not domming each other, silly!

Its just like any other egalitarian relationship. The same as with a sub/sub couple.

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 12:13:07 PM

SylvereApLeanan

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Esinn

I am interested in the dynamics in a D/D(M/F) relationship or poly home. It seems doomed to fail from the start. A power struggle causing immediate friction only to destroy the foundation.

My fiance and are are both dominant. On July 31, we'll celebrate our 7th anniversary together by getting legally married. We don't have a power struggle between us and there never have been. I'm the top dominant, because I have more experience and because I'm more particular about how I like things done. He's more laid back so he's content to let me run the show. On those occasions when he has strong feelings/opinions about a subject, we discuss what is best for the family and come to a mutually acceptible arrangement. In this, I imagine we're much like a vanilla couple.

We're also poly. We've each had other partners during the course of our relationship. We have rules that we both follow including safety, prior communication, and putting our relationship first. If an s-type (or more than one) ever joins our family on a permanent basis, xie will take instructions from both of us. While the s-type may wear my collar or his, both of us have equal authority in the household. There won't be any power struggles between us then either.

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 12:52:23 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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Dom couple dynamics works just fine with power struggles involved. However, both need to have good communication with debate skills and be able to reach agreements. Dom Couples can feed off each other and be like twins. Both being in sync with one another instead of fighting like cats and dogs.

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/15/2009 6:23:49 PM

Leonidas

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You looking for a serving girl, or a partner? If it's the later, a woman who has no desire to be anyone's serving girl can certainly be a good choice, as long as she respects your desire to have serving girls around (if in fact you do).

Like any partnership, though, it's only really going to work if you have complimentary talents and abilities and "take charge" of different aspects of the running of the household. It's the same reason that you almost never see a business with co-managers of the same department. Lines of authority and responsiblitiy need to be clear and unambiguous, or you're just asking for it.

Find yourself someone who is doing it successfully, and get to know them as well as you can. You can learn a lot more by modeling and observing what successful people do than what anyone with a pie-hole has to say.

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RE: D/D Relationship or Household - 7/16/2009 12:39:41 AM

MasterFireMaam

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You're making the assumption that when two dominants are in a relationship that there MUST be competition. While many people are wired for competition, many more are wired for egalitarian relationships when dealing with equals. Just because someone has the desire to Dominate some doesn't mean they have the need to Dominate EVERYONE.

Master Fire

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