The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (Full Version)

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Elipsis -> The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/15/2009 11:42:59 PM)

Reading a few threads, I realize there are a few types of switches.  To some people, being a switch means always being a dom with one person and always being a sub with another.  They can be in either position exclusively for a long time if they are with a person that is exclusively the opposite.

The other type of switch, in fact the type of switch this thread is about, is the more fluid switch who will alternate back and forth with the same individual who also identifies as a switch and who also fills both roles alternately in the same relationship.

Now personally I have many situational, emotional, and physical triggers as to why I might want to be a sub one day and a dom the next... but ultimately if there were another just like me one of three things would have to happen, at least in theory:

Dom + Sub: Very easy to figure out what to do.  It's probably not necessary for me to go into great detail as to what happens when a couple's desires on a particular day line up this way.

Sub + Sub: In my (limited) experience... whining.  Lots of whining.  You've got 2 people essentially being pathetic towards each other... "Tie me down."  "But I don't want to, you should hit me instead.  "But I don't feeeel like it..." etc... etc...  Sometimes this will turn into an argument over who deserves to be punished the most.  I'm sure it's a pitiful, if not somewhat comical, conversation to listen to.  The interesting thing about this from my (again, limited) experience is that eventually one of the two will be so obnoxious, whiny and pathetic that it will fire up the dom instinct in the other.  After 10 minutes of pleading the one with the shorter fuse that day will get so sick of it that they do genuinely want to dom the shit out of the "winner" of the argument.  Maybe by then you're even in the mood to give them a little more than they bargained for in order to teach them a lesson about being careful what they wish for... whereas 10 minutes earlier you would never have been in that mindset.  Motivations here get a little weird, but it does seem like in this scenario both people can eventually end up having fun.

Dom + Dom: Physical Challenge!  (Dare and Double Dare didn't work.)  If you both feel like the dom than it comes down to a straight up power battle.  This can be a lot of fun also, and kind of a mindfuck because the domination is more "real" in some sense.  Consider that eventually when one dom wins the other is actually subdued (kind of) against their will.  This might be a really unfortunate situation for a real dom, but lucky you... you're not really a dom... you're a switch that wanted to be a dom that day and got forced into the role of sub.  Well hopefully at this point as a switch who can enjoy both roles you are getting into it because this time around your submission feels more authentic then when you agreed to or had to beg for it in the 2 examples above, you were sincerely subdued by the other switch.  Likewise now you've got a switch (dom) who actually had to physically dominate the other switch (sub) to win the position and as such is having a great time of it as well.  Like I said, a mindfuck... but a good one, in my opinion.


Are there any switches out there who have had relationships with other switches and have had these experiences?



UglyTruth -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/16/2009 8:11:52 AM)

Great topic.

I wish I had much to contribute here, but I've reallly only come across one person that I could see having a lasting switch/switch relationship with, and it seems that isn't going to happen. When I was with that person, it seemed as though we could swap roles and engage in a lot of different kinks in an almost fluid way. I'd have her on a leash, going down on me, and then suddenly, I was on my knees for her. That seems to be the Mecca of switch relationships. I saw it once, but I couldn't manage to stay there.



daintydimples -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/16/2009 9:32:12 AM)

I have seen switch couples who just seem to have that seamless ability to change the power dynamic. I've always though it was awesome but have never experienced it myself. I'm more in the sub to a rare few, dom to many category.

If I did find it I would not hesitate to pursue it.

I can see how at times it would be a bumpy ride.





GeekFreak -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/16/2009 2:43:05 PM)

Not a ton of time or energy to reply, but real quickly...

Regarding sub+sub: If they are both being kind of obnoxious and whiny (which I do find quite likely to happen), and one does decide they've had enough...well, I don't think it will really be a fun scenario that gets played out. There might be punishment or play of some sort if one does take control, but I think if they took control with such motivations it wouldn't be the "fun kinky not really punishing kind of punishment", and more often than not would be a dom acting out of frustration to get back at the other for being a brat.

Although, I should admit part of this opinion comes from my own experience (I'm the one who gets irritated and takes control and then lectures her until she cries...I'm such a bad person lol).



Sunnyfey -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/17/2009 12:42:15 AM)

Dom+Dom switches battleing for the top? Best kind of scene ever..........hands down. *big cheesy grin*



Andalusite -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/17/2009 8:59:23 AM)

I'm usually in neither category. I don't feel dominant or submissive toward most people, but can switch in terms of S/M or bondage with the same person very easily.



epepincanada -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/17/2009 5:25:58 PM)

quote:

Sub + Sub: In my (limited) experience... whining.  Lots of whining.  You've got 2 people essentially being pathetic towards each other... "Tie me down."  "But I don't want to, you should hit me instead.  "But I don't feeeel like it..." etc... etc...  Sometimes this will turn into an argument over who deserves to be punished the most.  I'm sure it's a pitiful, if not somewhat comical, conversation to listen to.  The interesting thing about this from my (again, limited) experience is that eventually one of the two will be so obnoxious, whiny and pathetic that it will fire up the dom instinct in the other.  After 10 minutes of pleading the one with the shorter fuse that day will get so sick of it that they do genuinely want to dom the shit out of the "winner" of the argument.  Maybe by then you're even in the mood to give them a little more than they bargained for in order to teach them a lesson about being careful what they wish for... whereas 10 minutes earlier you would never have been in that mindset.  Motivations here get a little weird, but it does seem like in this scenario both people can eventually end up having fun.

Dom + Dom: Physical Challenge!  (Dare and Double Dare didn't work.)  If you both feel like the dom than it comes down to a straight up power battle.  This can be a lot of fun also, and kind of a mindfuck because the domination is more "real" in some sense.  Consider that eventually when one dom wins the other is actually subdued (kind of) against their will.  This might be a really unfortunate situation for a real dom, but lucky you... you're not really a dom... you're a switch that wanted to be a dom that day and got forced into the role of sub.  Well hopefully at this point as a switch who can enjoy both roles you are getting into it because this time around your submission feels more authentic then when you agreed to or had to beg for it in the 2 examples above, you were sincerely subdued by the other switch.  Likewise now you've got a switch (dom) who actually had to physically dominate the other switch (sub) to win the position and as such is having a great time of it as well.  Like I said, a mindfuck... but a good one, in my opinion.


these two paragraphs perfectly explained the dynamic between me and my present ( or previous idk) girl .  Sometimes we got lucky and it worked out but often we fought, which always turned into way more kinky fun then one wanting dom and the other feeling submissive.  It does put pressure on a relationship if you cant keep a sense of humour though, just have to go with it and keep an open mind

when we both felt submissive, it really got painfull and it went around in a big loop, The person who would win and annoy the person enough to get them to be dom would usually be so sore in the morning that me or her would get some revenge.  Anyways, can be intense when two switches meet



Elipsis -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/18/2009 9:17:01 AM)

Thanks for all the responses everyone.  I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone or unique in my understanding of switching in relationships.

It sounds like some of you have had some really fun experiences, and it definitely gives me hope that such fluid power dynamics are indeed achievable... although by no means perfect.



punkishone -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/26/2009 5:38:29 PM)

This topic really caught my eye. I consider myself a sub and strictly a sub. I am with a switch, but sometimes play top. To me being top is only play, and for HIS pleasure, I find it easier to be top when I think it is what he wants, I do get feeling of wanting to be dominant, still in the back of my mind what turns me on is the fact it will pleasure him.



hardbodysub -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/27/2009 7:41:50 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Dom+Dom switches battleing for the top? Best kind of scene ever..........hands down. *big cheesy grin*


I'm with you on this one, Sunnyfey! Both of them struggling for superiority and control. One of them eventually losing and reluctantly having to concede control ... HOT!

I agree with the OP that two primarily sub switches probably have a tougher time making it work. Somebody topping when they really don't want to is pretty boring for both parties.



kykitten41 -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/27/2009 7:49:02 AM)

Sounds like something to put in  "MY YEARBOOK" ...hmm?



aranisiA -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/27/2009 2:44:49 PM)

I've been in a relationship of sorts (it was...complicated) where in the end we'd switch a lot. To begin with she was my Dominant, and there was never any discussion about it...but at one point she decided to bring out the Dom in me, and basically prodded me up to Top her. My first real attempt was pretty pathetic, even if I did manage to make her submit after I don't know how many hours; it ended with me basically getting an all-out anxiety attack and her having to bounce pretty much straight up to Domina in order to take care of me. The more I think of it now, months after, the more admiration I feel for her strength that day.

Anyway; at the end of our relationship, such as it were, we were both really really tired. None of us really wanted or had the energy to Dominate the other; what both of us wished for, I think, was someone to take us by the scruff of our necks and lay down the law. Sadly, that didn't happen, for various reasons. Instead we would try to make the other Dominate us by basically doing the sub-on-sub thing of being annoying and 'helpless' - but because both of us are what I think of as 'good people' we would actually Dominate the other without being angry. Instead we just got tired...even more tired than we were already. Vicious downward spiral ahoy! In the end she moved out from the apartment we shared (shared as in we had separate bedrooms - there was never anything romantic between us, though a lot of people thought so at the time), and we haven't really talked since. It makes me sad :/.

I think a Dom-Dom scenario where both are determined to be 'on top' and both are of approx equal strength physically and mentally would be hilarious to watch or participate in as long as it was broken off by one of the parties winning within a reasonable time constraint...I've been in a couple of matches like these, and even if I have almost always lost them eventually it was a LOT of fun :D





Aine -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (7/27/2009 6:04:49 PM)

I completely understand the line of thinking behind both the same/same scenarios.

I personally am married to a switch.  Our energies flow pretty well, and are having less of those particular scenarios pop up.

As for a small thing in the sub/sub one....honestly (seeing as I'm not really whiny at all and neither is he) that kind of thing would just drive me batty and inherently I wouldn't want to do anything once the frustration/anger level got to a point where I could call it either of those things.  I am hell bent on doing nothing at all to a person out of frustration or anger, and have that particular thought in the back of my head at all times.  I personally would probably roll my eyes and just say "whatever, I'm going to go do ......." and wander off or go to bed.  Encouraging that kind of behaviour even inadvertently sticks in my craw and I try to evade such situations at all times.

Honestly, if I am upset in any way, I generally don't consider myself to be in the state of mind to dominate even a houseplant. XD

But then again, I'm not of the mind that punishing or disciplining should be done in a playful setting whatsoever.  Giving in to that kind of whining is just perpetuating the brat/s.a.m. behaviour, imho.  They get it into their head if they act like that all the time, they'll get what they want, and that's not good for any kind of good relationship.  And if it's really a punishment that is supposed to have some sort of behaviour modifying effect.....no one should be having fun at that point.

Now, I'm perfectly ok with the pre-set "scenes" where all of what you described is discussed loosely and then played out, under agreement.  I'm sure it happens a lot, and I wouldn't be surprised.  I've had a couple of fake "punishments" myself as a form of a pre-set scene.  Nothing wrong with that at all, but I do not mix that line of thinking up with actual relationship situations and actual behaviour modification.

Again, with the Dom/Domme or Top/Top thing....fun as hell.  When it's understood that it's not an actual power struggle and nothing in the overall dynamic changes from it.  It's a letting off of steam in a fun, rough-and-tumble way.  It's fully understood that it's play time and that once it's over, things go back to the way they were earlier that day.



psdao1102 -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (9/3/2009 12:07:45 PM)

I agree that dom+dom is soooooo fun. It really is one of the best experences you can have. But on the other hand ive never had sub+sub. Part of it is cause when iim around someone who is being passive I automatically get aggressive. Indecision is one of my pet peeves and it brings out the angry dom in me.



SwitchyBabe -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (9/7/2009 1:13:28 PM)

My situation would be that I am a sub in my regular relationship with my boyfriend and with other people I can be either.
He is 1% of a sub, we've been on and off for three years and he's only been my sub twice. Which was interesting, but I had a hard time getting into my dommely mindset because he was always taking control. It was an interesting experience though.



couldbemage -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (10/12/2009 7:50:28 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UglyTruth

Great topic.

I wish I had much to contribute here, but I've reallly only come across one person that I could see having a lasting switch/switch relationship with, and it seems that isn't going to happen. When I was with that person, it seemed as though we could swap roles and engage in a lot of different kinks in an almost fluid way. I'd have her on a leash, going down on me, and then suddenly, I was on my knees for her. That seems to be the Mecca of switch relationships. I saw it once, but I couldn't manage to stay there.



I have this with one friend, we're not a couple though. Just casual and occasional playmates. Fun.

Sub + sub Just plain sucks. ...but it's pretty common in vanilla relationships. I think it's the most common sort of disfunctional relationship.



couldbemage -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (10/12/2009 7:54:38 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: UglyTruth

Great topic.

I wish I had much to contribute here, but I've reallly only come across one person that I could see having a lasting switch/switch relationship with, and it seems that isn't going to happen. When I was with that person, it seemed as though we could swap roles and engage in a lot of different kinks in an almost fluid way. I'd have her on a leash, going down on me, and then suddenly, I was on my knees for her. That seems to be the Mecca of switch relationships. I saw it once, but I couldn't manage to stay there.




I have this with one friend, we're not a couple though. Just casual and occasional playmates. Fun.

Sub + sub Just plain sucks. ...but it's pretty common in vanilla relationships. I think it's the most common sort of disfunctional relationship.



allthatjaz -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (10/12/2009 9:30:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Elipsis



Dom + Dom: Physical Challenge!  (Dare and Double Dare didn't work.)  If you both feel like the dom than it comes down to a straight up power battle.  This can be a lot of fun also, and kind of a mindfuck because the domination is more "real" in some sense.  Consider that eventually when one dom wins the other is actually subdued (kind of) against their will.  This might be a really unfortunate situation for a real dom, but lucky you... you're not really a dom... you're a switch that wanted to be a dom that day and got forced into the role of sub.  Well hopefully at this point as a switch who can enjoy both roles you are getting into it because this time around your submission feels more authentic then when you agreed to or had to beg for it in the 2 examples above, you were sincerely subdued by the other switch.  Likewise now you've got a switch (dom) who actually had to physically dominate the other switch (sub) to win the position and as such is having a great time of it as well.  Like I said, a mindfuck... but a good one, in my opinion.


Are there any switches out there who have had relationships with other switches and have had these experiences?



This is Steve and me. If I were not with Steve then I don't believe I would ever have a craving to submit. Steve is not sub but has a masochistic streak and a very sadistic Dominant streak.
We have never argued about what role we should take. Neither of us are trying to spend our day dominating one another. We are together 24/7 and the main part of that day is spent in happy unison.
There is always some kind of unspoken trigger that sets the scene and neither of us have ever pre-discussed who is doing what. It just flows into what feels right at the time.
Sexually he can take me roughly and I may submit or I may turn into a hungry tigress and take my own dominant fill from it.

We never argue, never sit and wonder about who is going to be the taker but I do sometimes worry that what I give I may well take back tenfold!

I wouldn't have it any other way. We found a perfect unison when we found each other and we are very happy with our lot.



sophia37 -> RE: The Theory of 2 Switches and How They Switch Each Other (11/1/2009 3:58:29 PM)

Im in a switch/switch relationship. Its pretty easy for one of us to take the opposite role of the other. Its natural in fact. Yes the dom/dom role IS hot. I find it appealing. But he not so much. But once again, you think of the other person in that moment.

Yeah right. Right now Im thinking how the dom/dom fun, is, and was so much fun last time! Im putting it on my my to-do list for the next time I see him. lolol Ee ha. Too bad for him. He'll just have to submit I guess. lolol YEAH 



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