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darchChylde -> RE: Top Ten Ways to be a SAM (7/18/2009 6:34:47 AM)
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Get up on the wrong side of the rack this morning? A little miffed after that 12 hour bondage scene yesterday? Not getting enough of the whip? Perhaps you are just feeling kinda SAMmy? These are the top ten ways to really show your dom/me how you feel:
10. For those of you with FemDommes... take out your toolbox, grab a hacksaw, and cut the heels off of her pretty, new thigh-high boots.
No thanks, I like my testicles in their current and attached position.
9. Grab the Super-Glue and glue the tips of all her nipple clamps together.
And what happens when She glues my nipples together?
8. Practice your knot tying with her bondage ropes... make sure you leave the knots in before you slip them back in the toybox.
And then She'll leave the knots in while tying me up? No, thank you.
7. In the middle of that morning spanking, start painting your fingernails.
And then be given the warning that something truly unpleasant will happen if I make a mess or don't get it straight?
6. After the fingernails are done, sweetly say "Are you going to be finished soon? I can't get to my toes in this position."
After such a good job on my fingernails, She'll probably have me to Her toenails whilst in that position, with even more dire consequences.
5. While you are waiting for him to finish spanking, tie her shoelaces together.
And when She ties certain valuable parts of me together, or tying my own hair in knots?
4. Is he rushing to meet a deadline at work? Perfect! Call every 15 minutes with questions like "How many sugars should I put in my coffee?" and "Do you know what time and channel 'Oprah' comes on?" Make sure if his secretary or a colleague answers that you ask to speak to "Master Bill".
Really nothing for me to say to this one.
3. Call her husband and say "I just tested positive for the clap. I think you should have ________ go to the free clinic."
And be sure to start running before hanging up.
2. Take out that nail polish and decorate all his toys with pink polka-dots.
Well, I don't want to be decorated with pink polka-dots; especially if applied with something not easily cleaned up, like maybe a Sharpie.
And the Number 1 way to let your dom/me know you are *not* a happy little sub...
The next time you go to a play party or BDSM club meeting, slap a "Kick me: I am really just a submissive in disguise!!" sign on his back!
And that would go beautifully with my new sign: "Newly released submissive seeking someone even half as good as my previous Owner."
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