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RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/20/2009 8:40:05 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

All Bark and NO bite. I love to see the look on your face were you to say that to me. After I grabbed you by the hair forcing you to your knees and bitch slapping you. Not a threat a promise. Smirk. anywho the guy sounds like a complete pussy.

MoTown BadOne

The more interesting look would be the one on your face when you were arrested for rape and assault.

She has not consented to be with him. And that is the bottom line.

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RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/20/2009 10:16:57 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

All Bark and NO bite. I love to see the look on your face were you to say that to me. After I grabbed you by the hair forcing you to your knees and bitch slapping you. Not a threat a promise. Smirk. anywho the guy sounds like a complete pussy.

MoTown BadOne

The more interesting look would be the one on your face when you were arrested for rape and assault.

She has not consented to be with him. And that is the bottom line.

Whatever she was warned not to fuck with me and she did ...kinda like telling a 10 year old not to touch the hot stove about a zillion times and then the kid gets burnt ... and you BLAME the parents???? not in my play book...

Assault for a SLAP? in what planet do you live on? You have been watching to much tv or something. I have no idea where the RAPE charge comes into play?

BadOne

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RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 1:50:16 AM

Tslaveboy

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I think you should take him to some clubs or fetish parties where he can meet other people in the lifestyle. I think he's just confused, doesn't know where he fits in this and the fact that he wants to be with you makes it more confusing to him.

If he thinks he's a Dom, he needs to play with some other submissives. If it turns out he's a submissive, perhaps he should play with a few Dommes. Maybe he's a switch. He's never going to figure out who he is without experience and I don't think you should be the one he practices on first.

The whole thing sounds awkward as you describe it. If you two are really friends, you should start going to some play parties or something and let him play with others first. Maybe after he figures out who he is, it might work out between you two. Or not.

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RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 3:59:50 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Depending upon age and hormone level, most guys have one primary goal, a happy dick. A happy dick usually involves a lot of close contact with pussy. Most guys, especially young guys, will do an awful lot to have their dicks maintain as much close contact with pussy as possible.

Add to that, guys just simply do not think like women. A lot of guys totally do not understand how women think.

How true. This is why the Aunt Sally pages, the advice columns and therapists waiting lists are full of women trying to understand men. The men... well real men just don't talk about relationship problems and when they do finally get to therapy it is about premature ejaculation or internet addiction but nothing to do with relationships. (?)
And this is why same sex partners are flourishing and the future is orange and paved with roses all the way to Episcopalian heaven.

Will re-read the OP and think on.....

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RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 4:02:44 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Tslaveboy

If he thinks he's a Dom, he needs to play with some other submissives.

Oh so he can cut his teeth on them first?

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Post #: 25

RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 4:09:48 AM

Prinsexx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orangeskye
.
it's a bit extreme for a vanilla though, to want to pretend to enjoy painplay stuffs... isn't it?

Everyone's vanilla underneath the toppings.
And I am surprised by what so-called vanilla's get up to in the privacy of their own relationships.
We ain't so different but just more equivocal about it.
And yes everyone has to start somewhere.
A good friend of mine, who is an excellent dominant, started out as a subbie. I think that is part of the reason why he is so skilled at being a dominant as he understands sensation, restraint and so on from the other side.
Look: this is about relationship isn't it? Who cares what category he is in or you yourself for that matter if you want to take a chance and get it on?
All I would say is remember safe, sane and consensual. Discuss limits first because with unfettered sadism and a willing sub anything and not just the good stuff could happen.
And as for wanting to get into your pants; of course he does. Isn't it the prime male motivator?

< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 7/21/2009 4:10:55 AM >

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Post #: 26

RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 7:25:07 AM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

All Bark and NO bite. I love to see the look on your face were you to say that to me. After I grabbed you by the hair forcing you to your knees and bitch slapping you. Not a threat a promise. Smirk. anywho the guy sounds like a complete pussy.

MoTown BadOne

The more interesting look would be the one on your face when you were arrested for rape and assault.

She has not consented to be with him. And that is the bottom line.

Whatever she was warned not to fuck with me and she did ...kinda like telling a 10 year old not to touch the hot stove about a zillion times and then the kid gets burnt ... and you BLAME the parents???? not in my play book...

Assault for a SLAP? in what planet do you live on? You have been watching to much tv or something. I have no idea where the RAPE charge comes into play?

BadOne

Assault is unwanted touch. You're talking to some girl and you believe she's teasing you so you tell her to stop. She hasn't consented to do what you want so she continues. You push her to her knees and start slapping her. If it were me, I'd press charges.

You could have walked away instead of trying to dominate every person around you.

Shit, if people act in a manner I find uncomfortable, unpleasant etc I walk, I don't one up the situation and try to physically intimidate them.

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RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 6:06:12 PM

leadership527

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orangeskye asked:

do you think it's genuinely possible that he's realized his calling and genuienly could be a sadist (or at least like giving pain) and just didn't know it until i brought it up? or do you think that (realisticly) he's just saying things that he thinks i want to hear to get in my pants...
My guess (and it's only a guess) is the correct answer is "yes". I suspect it's some of both. Clearly he'd like to get into your pants. But just as clearly, he's at least not horrified by the thought of sadism (as I was). So there's at least some hope.

it's a bit extreme for a vanilla though, to want to pretend to enjoy painplay stuffs... isn't it?
Again, you assume he is "pretending" when he may also be genuinely exploring. And why, exactly, would it be so extreme? 2 years ago I was vanilla and now I consider my wife my slave and I do all manner of things which would've horrified me previously.

if he is genuine, does anyone have suggestions for what to do now, i'm not particularly submissive to him, in fact, i'm pretty bossy toward him, and he does everything i say to
Yeah, my advice is call it quits. you've been pretty clear both overtly and between the lines that this guy doesn't ring your chimes, you don't see him as dominant, and you're not likely to. So why, exactly, are you even entertaining any thoughts here? Someone a bit more willing to invest might well decide to give it a whirl and see where he goes with it, but that doesn't sound like the headspace you're in right now.

is it worth "teaching him" how to be a Dom? could you respect someone who you had to teach?
not for you (see above). Me personally, I am very glad that Carol doesn't think this way. Her view of my 'dominance' doesn't have anything to do with my knowledge or skills in any one area so she teaches me all sorts of things constantly... including sometimes how to be a better master.

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Post #: 28

RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 8:51:43 PM

SailingBum

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Des it's obvious we have completely different "takes" on the situation. To my mind she was "testing" him to see if he would "dom up" as it were. And your seeing "rape and assault". If i remember correctly she was "warned at least once to leave him alone" I think he was sleeping or something.

Over here in metro Detroit they do not have enuff jail space to contain the bad guys. Let alone a trivial slapping incident. But you rock on and press charges.

Motown BadOne

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Post #: 29

RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 9:36:23 PM

xiam

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
All Bark and NO bite. I love to see the look on your face were you to say that to me. After I grabbed you by the hair forcing you to your knees and bitch slapping you....

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The more interesting look would be the one on your face when you were arrested for rape and assault...

And maybe the most interesting thing is that if this man had had SailingBum's reaction, it might have been the push the OP needed to take him out of "friend category" and put him into "potential Dom category". ;)

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Post #: 30

RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/21/2009 9:43:53 PM

stella41b

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

OP, you're playing with fire. He may not understand the difference between Domming and hitting.

I'd take him to some munches and play parties.

I so agree with this advice. There are sadists and sadists just as there are doms and doms, each and everyone of us is an individual and just because the label fits doesn't always follow through that the person or what they do fits with it.

I go by the old saying that there's more than one way of killing a pig, and so it follows that there's more than one way of inflicting pain.

I see a time of communication, exchange of ideas, exploration, learning and discovery ahead.

Hope it works out for you.

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Post #: 31

RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/22/2009 2:25:54 AM

Mistressbinature

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quote:

ORIGINAL: orangeskye

So, I'm in a pretty particular situation at the moment, and I don't really have anyone else to bother about it... I usually don't post here often, but I've been lurking for ages and ages.. and I know you guys can be pretty bloodthirsty.. please be nice :(

I've been very close friends with a guy from work/college for quite a few years (3-4) and he's always been very shy/quiet/reserved, he's a really great guy.. just so damn quiet >< i am... not quiet... and i know that entertains him.
a few times we've flirted back and forth and he mentioned after some poking that he thought i must be a Domme, because of my natural go-get-'em! attitude, i laughed and said he couldn't be more wrong.. we dropped the topic...
he asked me out again, and i told him, flat out, that i was submissive, i need a Dominant man, and he just.. *isn't*.. we dropped the topic
after a recent whirlwind relationship that ended recently, my friend decides to try again, tells me that we're *made* for each other, and i turn him down.... again...
He's decided (after one very graphic, heavy caning) BDSM video that he's a DOM! and he can be it for me! and whoo! O.o
this is where it gets weird.. follow me..
he's started punching me, friendly punches, but hard, most poeple would either tell him to stop, or i don't know.. punch back? but pain makes me giggle... so i giggle, and move on.. i don't ask him to stop, 'cuz friends punch each other, and i don't mind it
he tells me he "wants to hurt me" he "likes the reaction" and he "wants to see me suffer more" O.o things i'm assuming he heard in a porn video
yesterday, he's sleeping on the couch, and i'm annoying him, throwing things at him to wake him up, and he tells me, this is a direct quote "if you wake me up again, i'm going to use my belt and.. do things to you" O.o i said .. "you will not.. we have NOT discussed such fun.. " we dropped it.. later when i did wake up up again, threatened me again, i told him i wasn't in the mood and he backed off.. lol..
anyway.. thats all pre story.. the question here is this..

do you think it's genuinely possible that he's realized his calling and genuienly could be a sadist (or at least like giving pain) and just didn't know it until i brought it up? or do you think that (realisticly) he's just saying things that he thinks i want to hear to get in my pants...
it's a bit extreme for a vanilla though, to want to pretend to enjoy painplay stuffs... isn't it?
the other question is.. if he is genuine, does anyone have suggestions for what to do now, i'm not particularly submissive to him, in fact, i'm pretty bossy toward him, and he does everything i say to a t.. not that i TRY to Dominate him.. but that he just.. needs so much direction in every day life ><
is it worth "teaching him" how to be a Dom? could you respect someone who you had to teach?

and i realize thats quite a long read, sorry >< i didn't realize it would be so much

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RE: Vanilla pretending? - 7/22/2009 10:15:34 PM

SailingBum

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quote:

ORIGINAL: xiam

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum
All Bark and NO bite. I love to see the look on your face were you to say that to me. After I grabbed you by the hair forcing you to your knees and bitch slapping you....

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
The more interesting look would be the one on your face when you were arrested for rape and assault...

And maybe the most interesting thing is that if this man had had SailingBum's reaction, it might have been the push the OP needed to take him out of "friend category" and put him into "potential Dom category". ;)

Yeps..... Cutie you got my point!!! I was just remembering my neighbor was explaining to me that he was "the man of the house" I was thinking to myself. If you have to tell ppl your the man of the house, your NOT!

BadOne

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Post #: 33