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Hawk1 -> RE: New Sub Looking for Help (7/20/2009 10:05:38 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ServentoftheDark
...Every dom i had didnt even know what they wanted from me
They were mostly telling me go out and find someone to train you
I have some trained from few good doms who have been in this world for years
But I want to learn alot more to better myself as a person and a sub
If someone claims to be a "Dom" but does not know what they want from you, then they're NOT really a Dom, just someone who wants to "wear the suit". If "every Dom" you've had has done this, then I suggest you refine what you're looking for and/or who you accept as YOUR Dominant. Just because someone says they want to Dominate you, in any way, doesn't mean you have to ALLOW them to. It's ultimately your choice, so if they don't fit what you want and need, then reject them. Don't go along with anyone, or anything, just because someone claims to be Dominant.
Any so called Dominant who tells you to "go out and find someone to train you" is either lazy or is trying to tell you, in what they probably feel is a nice way, to go away and find someone else. Any true Dominant can "train" you in some "basics", but they can't train you to be a proper submissive, or slave, for another Dominant as each Dominant has their own preferences, desires, and requirements. I certainly do. I agree with OsideGirl... a lot of men, claiming to be Dominants, will tell you they can train you just to use you, so be careful who you choose, unless of course all you're wanting is to be used. In that case, then there's not much of a point to this whole "exercise" is there?
Before you can "better yourself as a person and a sub" you have to first identify what you consider to be "better" and set some goals to achieve what you want. In regard to the "better sub" part, a better sub for who and in what way? A better sub for your own self-esteem, or a better sub for a specific Dominant? As said before, each Dominant has their own idea of what's "better". One shoe does not fit all, nor is there a "universal sub" who can please each and every Dominant.
Also, keep in mind that everyone has their own opinion when replying to questions like this, and that's just what they are... opinions, so remember that everything that's said isn't "gospel". Read carefully the replies you receive and choose the one(s) that make the most sense to you, and apply best to your particular situation.
Oh, I realize this "discussion" is in "ask a submissive/slave". I found this thread by accident, and apologize for the intrusion, however I feel a Dominants opinion here is relevant to the discussion given the bad luck (???) the OP is experiencing. Perhaps it will be of some benefit.
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