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Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 11:48:14 AM

SubmissiveAbbi

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

I am a young submissive girl who through my own research has found that I like this lifestyle. I'm with a guy now, who is an alpha male but I have yet to ask or find out if he is a master. I just have a few questions.
Would my weight issues be a problem, even though they are medical, or does that depend on the master?
In the relationship, would my master still talk to me and communicate what is on his mind, I don't think I want to be in a relationship where my master doesn't confide in me.
Do collars always have to be worn, or can the master pick somethiing else for me to wear?
I might have a few more questions, in which case if there is any dominant men or submissive women or couples of that that I could just be friends with that would be great.
Thanks.

< Message edited by SubmissiveAbbi -- 7/19/2009 12:45:30 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 11:51:15 AM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

Hello Abbi...

First of all, welcome! I hope that you use the message boards often, as they are a great resource for information....

Now to your questions.

The answer is that it depends, it just depends.

BDSM can be whatever you make it, whatever the two of you want it to be. So... it would be best to ask him these questions. :)

Best of luck!

~anne

**EDITED TO ADD**

P.S.

Don't get all caught up in what it SHOULD be... all that matters is what you both want.

If you're happy and he's happy, then there isn't a problem...even if it doesn't look "normal"....

< Message edited by KneelforAnne -- 7/19/2009 11:56:24 AM >

_____________________________

~Posting now as ForgetMeKnots~

BDSM is what two people at the moment decide it should be...
--CatdeMedici

Member of the Subbie Mafia
Pimpette
Member of MoGa's IN crowd

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 2

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 12:14:38 PM

SubmissiveAbbi

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

thank you so much :] so i should just wait for him to tell me what works for us and than explore it all?

(in reply to KneelforAnne)

Post #: 3

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 12:16:16 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Abbi, some of the most experienced, helpful people on this site have eyes that are no longer young. That means they won't be able to read your question, because your font is too small. Could you re-post it, using larger letters? Thanks.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 4

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 12:46:22 PM

SubmissiveAbbi

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

is that better or bigger?

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 5

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 1:16:10 PM

TurboJugend

Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline

better

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 6

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 1:32:51 PM

Verfor99

Posts: 46
Joined: 7/15/2009
From: Roswell, GA
Status: offline

> Weight problem
    Depends. Some like 'em thin, some like 'em thick.
> Communication
    Again, depends. Some will talk about their day and sometimes ask your input and advice, others will only open their mouths to remind you to get on your knees.
> Collars
    ... I really don't like repeating myself so much.
Really, just test his waters out more and more, and when you hope the time is right ask to serve at his side.

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 7

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 2:53:49 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

No don't wait for him to tell you, talk to him about what works for you as well. There are two people in the relationship and both of you need to have your needs met. Communication back and forth is essential.

There are guys out there who aren't interested in women who aren't super skinny. That's fine, just shows you aren't compatible with them.

There are guys out there who don't want to talk, have a friendship, go to movies with the slaves. If it works for you and you get to have friends to talk with, go to movies, get your love needs met elsewhere then great. If you need your partner to be your friend, movie date, lover then tell him that. See if you're compatible.

Figure out what you must have in a relationship and what would queer the deal if it came up and communicate it. Because it's better for both of you not to start up if you're highly incompatible and three months later you'll be calling him that abusive bastard while he refers to you as a wannabe bitch. Nobody needs that, so make sure it won't happen.

And a personal favor, could you please use a bigger font? I have vision problems and am damn near cross eyed trying to read your posts.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Verfor99)

Post #: 8

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/19/2009 4:24:02 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Would my weight issues be a problem, even though they are medical, or does that depend on the master?
****Depends on the Master. I personally don't mind a male partner who is somewhat overweight so long as he is solid; jiggily is not acceptable.

In the relationship, would my master still talk to me and communicate what is on his mind, I don't think I want to be in a relationship where my master doesn't confide in me.
****Depends on the relationship you negotiate. Don't settle for something that doesn't work for you. Also, communicate. Being submissive doesn't render you mute.

Do collars always have to be worn, or can the master pick somethiing else for me to wear?
****Can wear a collar, can wear something else, can wear nothing at all.

The only true way is what's true for you and the person(s) with whom you are relating. :>
Best wishes,
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/21/2009 6:24:17 PM

mstrj69

Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline

What has not been mentioned is that while your weight might not be a factor, the medical cause for it might be if it limits you on what you can and can not do.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 10

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/22/2009 10:47:17 AM

MasteRick2008

Posts: 20
Joined: 4/18/2008
Status: offline

The weight issue is personal preference some people like big women others don't. With my girl communication is key. I have had to punish her for not talking about issues. We have a play collar for her and a discreet leather necklace as her casual collar.
Best of Luck to you and keep asking questions

(in reply to mstrj69)

Post #: 11

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/22/2009 1:12:40 PM

spatejak

Posts: 53
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

weight: It's very much a matter of taste. Personally, I like a sub with a bit of meat on her. It's easier to find the sweet spot

communication: I don't see how you can have a relationship without it. How can you know if you should kiss his boots, if he doesn't tell you.

collar. This can be anything from a mere fashion accessory to something akin to a wedding ring.

Everybody has his own kink

(in reply to MasteRick2008)

Post #: 12

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/22/2009 4:33:13 PM

GeekFreak

Posts: 102
Joined: 4/24/2006
Status: offline

This is my attempt at a concise of a response as possible:

Yes...you both can do anything you darn well please (this is not sarcasm or mockery).

Regarding not knowing if he is "a master". Books could be written on what that means, but I'm going to make several assumptions about what you intended to say, and respond: He is not. However, that isn't to say you couldn't develop some sort of Master/Slave, Dominant/Submissive, Top/Botton relationship with him if he happens to be interested in such things or becomes interested once exposed.

< Message edited by GeekFreak -- 7/22/2009 4:35:17 PM >

(in reply to spatejak)

Post #: 13

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/22/2009 5:05:25 PM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

Weight does not have to be a problem. Some Dominants prefer larger sized ladies. My Neets is a BBW which is fine with me just as if she was slim it would be fine too. What is inside and our compatibility is the key.

Medical Conditions in my view, should be openly discussed with anyone you are hoping to form any sort of relationship with. That is prudent, honest and the honourable thing to do.

If I saw the need, any slave of mine or my home's could wear a pendant, breach or ring signifying her bondage at work or visiting her family. On other occasions such as shopping etc, there are any amount of lovely neck decorations which can be substituted or I could make one myself out of gold and silver or even stainless steel with a hidden form of locking devise.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to GeekFreak)

Post #: 14

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/22/2009 6:02:46 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline

To the OP.....since you're new and young, I'll say this: Don't get caught up thinking of him or any man as a "Master". They're still just men and for the most part, will act accordingly. There is no Handbook for Masters or any Certification Exams that they take, and no BDSM police force that will enforce any of the "rules" for you.

Use your head and the sense that God gave you. Always.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 15

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/22/2009 9:39:07 PM

SubmissiveAbbi

Posts: 18
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline

Thank you all for your responses and advice. He and i are working on communication, it is a very intimate thing and with a child around its not the easiest thing to do.

He knows about my medical conditions and they do not get in the way of us or what we do.

What I have learned in less than a week is that each relationship, no matter what kind, is an intimate experience; and as different and varying as the couples in them.

(in reply to windchymes)

Post #: 16

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/23/2009 6:42:12 PM

Joseff

Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline

Well, you seem to be headed in the right direction. Keep up the communication and keep learning, and maybe you will end up with a mutually fulfilling relationship. Don't stop asking questions. Good luck.

_____________________________

This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 17

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/24/2009 8:13:35 AM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

Can I just say something slightly off topic?

Darlin, I looked at your profile..and pictures and everything.

Your beautiful. Just flat out, dont let anyone say shit about your "weight" problem, unless its your doctor ok? you are a wonderful, intelligent, from what I saw joyfull, young woman.

stay that way, and you'll find the man of your dreams, eventually

_____________________________

Resident Hell Cat

(in reply to Joseff)

Post #: 18

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/24/2009 11:49:58 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAbbi

I am a young submissive girl who through my own research has found that I like this lifestyle. I'm with a guy now, who is an alpha male but I have yet to ask or find out if he is a master. I just have a few questions.
Would my weight issues be a problem, even though they are medical, or does that depend on the master?

Depends on the individual, some wouldn't give you the time of day, some prefer it... some just don't care.

quote:

In the relationship, would my master still talk to me and communicate what is on his mind, I don't think I want to be in a relationship where my master doesn't confide in me.

Again, depends on the individual. Some prefer to be distant, some prefer a close personal relationship.

quote:

Do collars always have to be worn, or can the master pick somethiing else for me to wear?

As you might guess... it depends. LOL. Some don't wear collars at all, some use bracelets or anklets. Some go with a ring. Some use permanently affixed nipple rings. I've even known a couple that had dog tags permanently attached to their labia.

quote:

I might have a few more questions, in which case if there is any dominant men or submissive women or couples of that that I could just be friends with that would be great.

Don't be afraid to peek at profiles and write people if you like what they write here in the forums.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to SubmissiveAbbi)

Post #: 19

RE: Questions from a submissive female - 7/24/2009 12:08:52 PM

SaharahEve

Posts: 231
Joined: 6/25/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Can I just say something slightly off topic?

Darlin, I looked at your profile..and pictures and everything.

Your beautiful. Just flat out, dont let anyone say shit about your "weight" problem, unless its your doctor ok? you are a wonderful, intelligent, from what I saw joyfull, young woman.

stay that way, and you'll find the man of your dreams, eventually

I completely agree.

_____________________________

Saharah

S a h a r a h E v e . c o m

nanshakh.com

(in reply to Sunnyfey)

Post #: 20

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