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Mercnbeth -> RE: Slave or Fetishist? (2/19/2006 8:24:26 AM)
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quote:
Do any of you other Doms/dommes get approached by strange fetishists masquerading as slaves while on-line, they usually say that they are slaves when they approach me wanting to lick my watch or see my steam iron or whatever it is that turns them on.
Tiger,
'On-line' you are anything you claim. One way to never be disappointed is to never rely on how someone represents themselves.
Self professed "slaves"? Seeing a profile where someone calls themselves a "slave" seeking a "master" begs the question - without attachment exactly who/what are they a slave to? The question has an answer. They are a slave to the idea of being a "slave" at best; a slave for the own pleasure at worse. "Worse" if you don't realize this and meet him/her and are greeted with a six foot long list of limits and acceptable activities. Involvement with this sort of 'slave' serves the same function as a vibrator. The person functioning as the "slave" is, in reality, the "master" of the relationship, dictating terms and conditions.
Your term, "fetishist" is more accurate than the one I commonly use - "sensationalist". The vast majority of participants in lifestyle activities are just in it for the sensations. As you've discovered they just like pain during sex, or enjoy bondage, or some other diversion from "vanilla" sex. My life experience confirms PlayfulOne's. It was most common to hear; "I didn't realize you REALLY did want to live this way ALL the time. I can't handle it."
It supports my core belief that "slaves" are a VERY rare and unique commodity. It takes a very long time to find one. Consummating a Master/slave relationship should only occur after a sufficiently long period of time so that the Master's definition of "slave" is understood. My feeling was strong enough that I documented the definition in the form of a "contract". It's a legally unenforceable contract, just as our life together is unenforceable "slavery". But when we consummated our relationship with our ceremony and tattoos we each knew what our responsibilities were to each other and to the relationship.
However Tiger, don't discount the importance of "fetishists". Also remember. there are as many fetishist "masters" as there are "slaves". There is nothing wrong with only wanting the fetish or sensation. There is no need or requirement to be a "slave" or "master"; no envy. You only need to understand it exists. Define yourself as Master, define your "slave" and seek him/her. You can spend the rest of your life seeking. Along the way, skills and self awareness develops. My search took 20+ years after discovery of the lifestyle. I'm grateful to all the fetishists. And there are many times where we are "fetishists", especially when we include others in our play. I was a very heavy "sensationalist" along the way. Master/slave is an indication of a relationship dynamic. Fetishist or sensationalist indicate activities. There is no reason to exclude one from the other. Wanting or needing one doesn't require condemnation and/or disbelief in the other.
Being aware of the situation is all you need. It's part of the journey. Enjoy it.
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