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NextDoorMan -> RE: Spanked to Tears (7/26/2009 6:42:26 AM)
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In the OP the question was to the D types, but I occassionally like to put my two cents in, so here goes. For me it is a big desire, but it's very hard to get there. First I will have to overcome the "men don't cry" syndrome. Of which I'll confess I subscribe to. Ok, actually men do but it's like the tree falling in the forest thing, if nobody else sees it did it really happen. I can't speak for all male subs, and don't attempt to, but for me even though I am submitting, I still want to be seen as tough, as strong, especially to the Domme who is inflicting the spanking/paddling/flogging/whipping/whatever.
That explains the emotional barrier. Then there is the physical barrier. I never play without a safeword. And before someone mentions the difference between play and punishment let me say that for me even punishment is a in a form of play, so the safeword is still in effect. Combine that with the emotional aspect, that I don't want this woman to see me cry, and I have an "out". I can avoid it. Then you look at it from the D side of the equation. She knows the person she is spanking/paddling/....., she knows that he is no longer enjoying it, and there is just something that kicks in and makes her slow down or worse yet, stop. She wants to help him acheive this, but she doesn't want to run him off either.
Personally I think one thing that would help is using a double safeword. What many people do is one safeword to slow the action, another to stop the action. Some people, me being one of them, feel that a "warm-up" helps the bottom take more. Well a slow down in the middle is kind of like a warm-up, just at a different time. It allows the fun to continue, and gradually work it's way back up. This way it can build to the climax. I know there is going to be some eye rolling from the hardcores out there. They'll say this isn't D/s at all; D/s is all about hard core, and that this attitude is about topping from the bottom. Fine. Say that if you wish, this is just my view as one of the not so hard core/ not 24/7, not "it's all about the D, and not about the s" type of people, of which I know I am not the only one. (maybe if I posted more often I wouldn't get so long winded when I did post, sorry about that)
It's a damn difficult tightrope that has to be traversed, for those who actually want it. But even though I haven't been to that destination I still look forward to the journey.
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