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ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Male subs and conflict avoidance (7/22/2009 12:48:42 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
For femdom couples, do you expect your male submissive to be the one to address, handle and resolve conflicts with outside parties, or in your role as the dominant do you take care of these things?
The kinds of conflicts I am talking about are situations where you must address an uncomfortable issue with a person to get something resolved. A minor example would be poor service in a restaurant (if you are the type to care about that kind of thing), being mistreated in a customer service situation, or even something like a man acting inappropriately toward you in a public situation. As the femdom in the relationship, do you take the role of addressing and handling conflict or do you expect your submissive to do this as part of his chivalry-type role?
Are male subs ever too shy, or too much an avoider of conflict to deal with this? Male subs, how do you handle this?
Generally speaking, I tend to be rather blunt and direct in such situations, to the point where when I'm with a woman I often have to make a conscious effort to be courteous so as not to embarrass her. I'm not what I would consider rude, but I do believe in getting right to the point, and even though I may be doing it with a friendly smile on my face, to many other people that sort of directness does come across as rude. So I'll typically make a conscious effort to tone down my approach, and make an effort I might not normally make to avoid seeming confrontational.
Now. That's in general terms. In more specific terms, when I'm in a relationship, and out in the world with my dominant, I tend to model my behavior in such situations in accordance with whatever expectations she has communicated to me regarding that issue. If she's someone who expects me to be assertive, even aggressive in resolving such matters, I have no problem meeting that expectation. It comes quite easily, and in fact I'm most comfortable in that circumstance. If she's someone who expects me to be more indirect or diplomatic, I'll model my approach to meet the expectations she has set for me; for two reasons - first of all, because it pleases her, of course; and second, because if that's a standard she's set for me, I'm assuming it's for a reason - that it represents an area where she wants to see me grow or improve myself. And I'm going to follow her direction, because I consider that to be one of my responsibilities to both her and myself.
quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
When the other person involved in the conflict is a woman, how to male subs who are also female supremacists handle standing up to/dealing with conflict with an aggressive woman because your femdom has asked you to, or it's expected of you?
Ooh. Good second question. I wouldn't call myself a female supremacist, but I do tend to treat women much more deferentially than men, all other things being equal. I would probably tend to be more naturally low-key when confronting a woman, but not significantly so. The difference would be so slight, I'd probably be the only one who really noticed. But I would definitely be aware of it, myself.
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