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Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 1:24:27 PM   
LillyoftheVally


Posts: 1826
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline 		Yeah not really BDSM but relationship stuff so this is the best place.

If your partner of a long time was cheating on you would you want to know? And if so (aside from your partner) who would you want to tell you/how

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Nah I am not happy to see you either
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 2:09:29 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would hope that my partner would be up front about whatever is going on.  The truth hurts for but a moment, but betrayal lasts forever.  If a partner of mine fell for someone else, that would hurt but it would be "true" for them, hiding it from me however, allowing something to go from infatuation/accidental one night stand/whatever to a full fledged fling with all the lies/half truths/lies of ommission would be a betrayal of what we supposedly shared.

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 2:18:05 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Of course I'd want to know.  As to who and how (OTHER than the parther?).....hell, I dunno.  Never thought about that one, and it probably wouldn't matter in the long run.

Having the one he's cheating on me with tell me might be interesting......

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 2:35:56 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		I like things out in the open. With both my second wife and Neets there is an open/Poly relationship. If either of us got the urge and needed to scratch it it would be done discreetly with the other partner knowing first, or that it may happen, or failing that asap after. Seeing that it is most likely to happen with people we both know such urges may well end up on a swinging or threesome basis. The last thing I want Neets to do or myself for that matter is to hear what happened or who did what with whom from others first. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 2:38:17 PM   
Delphinus


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, I would want to know, but probably less so for emotional reasons and more so for health reasons.  The one unforgiveable act in a relationship I'm in is to have sex with another without everyone's knowledge and bringing that person's sexual history into my life and increasing my risk for disease.  The emotions of it could all be worked through on a purely relationship level, but the disrespect of placing me at a higher STD risk without my consent is something I would be forever angry about.

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"Silly bitch."

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 2:39:13 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		If it were to happen once, in say a moment of weakness or stupidity in trying to see if doing so would make a difference in someway, I personally ...

WOULD NEVER WANT TO KNOW!

If it is something that brings them closer to me and something that they hold onto I would never want to know because with knowing comes loss of trust and if you know me you know once you lose mine you can NEVER get it back.

No if they did it and thought about how easy it was and how easy it was for them to get away with it then I hope to god they realize it is better to just leave me and countine on fucking around because if I have to find out they will come home to everything they own on fire in the front yard.

And I'll gladly pay the fine for an unauthorized bonfire in an unauthorized location ($275.00 fine in Utah)

It isn't about revenge it's about the lesson they will learn.

Sue Me? Sure would not be the first time but from the first time getting sued by a submissive I learned a few lessons. One Never take Gifts that come with Monthly Price Tags and then Agree to Keep the phone and pay your individual portion as long as you are given a bill. And Two, Know the difference between THINGS IN MY POSESSION and THINGS THAT ARE MY BELONGINGS these are two very different legal phrases one will get you a $2000.00 Settlement and the other will get you dirty looks as the judge rules in your favor can you guess which is which?

Finally I think blissful ignorance is still bliss, if I am not suffering from what I don't know don't tell me.

I will never tell your your Significant Other is Cheating on you, I will however Point out that when they tell you they work late it is odd that the check never reflects the over time. Then you can decide to be blissfully ignorant or not.

I am a Poacher Afterall.

Steel

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Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 3:36:21 PM   
Viridana


Posts: 754
Status: offline 		Yes I'd want to know. I don't care who'd tell me as long as it is done respectfully and with consideration of the emotions that the news will provoke. 

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 3:44:31 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I would want to know, better truth than months of lies 

(in reply to Viridana)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 3:48:50 PM   
JaDaMaGi


Posts: 26
Joined: 1/1/2008
Status: offline 		I always want to know.  ...I like to keep fantasy in the fantasy world.  ....seeing as there are plenty of awesome things to do in reality that don't involve bullcrap.  :-)

(in reply to LillyoftheVally)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 3:57:24 PM   
fyt2btyed


Posts: 46
Joined: 11/16/2007
Status: offline 		I would definitely wanna know.

I had a friend i knew in a 'nilla chat, and i found out that his friends were not being his friends when it came to his wife.  At the time, i barely knew the guy, so I made up a scenario about "I ahve this girlfriend whose hubby is cheating...should I tell her?'
When he said YES, I told him what was going on in HIS life.

He really appreciated it.

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i am a part of all that i have met. Tennyson

some guys like to sweet talk. others they like to tease.
tie my hands behind my back, oooh i'm in ecstasy. Madonna

i said be careful, his bowtie is really a camera. S&G

(in reply to JaDaMaGi)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 4:37:12 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Trust is a huge thing, communication too. I personally cannot stand being lied to and betrayed. I would definitely want to know. If it came from him, better, but coming from someone else sucks. Still I would rather know what I am up against.

The last guy I dated ended up being a complete loser liar. He even told me a fake name. The old me would have introduced myself to the wife (he said he didnt have) but I dont know, he has a kid, (that he also claimed not to have) and I wanted nothing more to do with the creep. I am not sure if that was the right course of action. In the past I have gotten involved with someone betraying another, I would inform the uninformed.

Being cheated on is so lame and then lying about it is crippling. I couldnt live out a lie like that. If I messed up I would tell or break up with the person, I couldnt pretend, it is not me, it would be obvious anyway.

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"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



(in reply to fyt2btyed)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 4:41:10 PM   
tammystarm


Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		Yes i would want to know and i would want him to tell me. it would kill me but better to know than be laughed at behind my back...sorta speak

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~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~



(in reply to heartcream)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 4:41:33 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I would probably already know before he ever told me but yes I would want to know for oh so many reasons..the fact that I abhore liars, I have no desire to catch a disease from his cheating and that I desire only a monogamous relationship.

I want to be able to make the choice to say "let's work on this" or "get the hell out".

(in reply to heartcream)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 4:45:59 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		If my partner was cheating, I would find out. I would definitely want to know, and it would end the relationship. There is never, in my eyes, an acceptable reason to cheat. 

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Separately we are DiurnalVampire and DVsFox

10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

10/13/10 3 year anniversary of his becoming my Fox

Talk impolitely to me, baby - Thanks sunshinemiss



(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 7:15:04 PM   
newone11


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		It depends.  If it's an ongoing affair then, yes, I would want to know.  If it's a one-time one-night stand where I would NEVER know unless he tells me about it then, no, I wouldn't.  I don't see the point of making me feel like crap just to lessen his guilty conscience.  The not wanting to know is dependant upon him using protection and it truly being a one-time thing.  If he's having multiple one-night stands or didn't use protection then my answer would be different.  And I don't know that I would care who tells me about it but I'd hope it wasn't in a public moment.

(in reply to VampiresLair)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 9:16:40 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		If something happened once, and never again, its probably better I don't know, ignorance is bliss. If it's something ongoing, I want to know so I can sever the relationship as soon as possible. Trust is only deserved by the trustworthy, and I can't continue in a relationship with someone I can't trust.  As to who tells me, I don't see that it matters, except I would prefer it was a friend, not the other guy, because I don't really want to go to jail.




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This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

(in reply to newone11)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 9:19:26 PM   
vixenmoon


Posts: 35
Joined: 3/19/2009
Status: offline 		Trust is vital to any relationship.  I would want to know.  If it's not the s.o. telling me, then ....... um... whomever knows me best and knows how to tell me in a decent manner.  These things have a way of coming out into the open, and finding out while playing pool with the friends and someone happens to slip... not a good thing.


< Message edited by vixenmoon -- 7/22/2009 9:21:18 PM >

(in reply to Joseff)
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RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 10:18:20 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Yes, I would want to know.  As a person in a poly household, I do not see any viable reason for being dishonest about this sort of thing. 

As to who else I would want to receive the information from other than the SO, I would have to say I'd hope the SO would be the one to have the balls to tell Me.  If it has to come from someone else, I can promise the SO won't be an SO anymore. 

I have to comment on this......


quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah
I will never tell your your Significant Other is Cheating on you, I will however Point out that when they tell you they work late it is odd that the check never reflects the over time. Then you can decide to be blissfully ignorant or not.

I am a Poacher Afterall.

Steel

This is one of the few areas where we disagree.  If I know for a fact that you are cheating and you are putting your SO's health at risk, I'll give you one shot.  You stop the behavior (at least wear a freaking condom for safe sex), tell them, or I will.  I'm all for consensual activities.  I am not in favor of anyone having their health jeopardized without their knowledge.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 10:41:34 PM   
SteelofUtah


Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline 		And LP there was a Time that I felt like you.

The repercussions were not worth the good I did.

In fact the back lash was heavy and long. The worst part is the person I told didn't believe me, confronted the partner with this "Crazy Mean thing I told her" he bullshitted his way through it and then came after me for starting shit. Took quite a few punches.

The worst part is the amount of people who thought I was this Horrible person for trying to start shit in thier relationsip.

When she got Herpes and it came out that he had given it to 9 other women when they all showed up to the Helth Department AT THE SAME TIME ON THE SAME DAY. Not one of them ever said they were sorry to me and not one seems to remember that I brought this up.

I won't play Captain Save-a-hoe, Just won't do it again.

I would rather not know either, Like I said if it happens once and ever again I don't wanna know however if you think you will be pulling one over on Me for a long period of time you are sadly mistaken and I wasn't kidding when I said I would set everything you own on fire.

Steel

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Would you want to know - 7/22/2009 11:13:27 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		It sounds like a similar experience, Steel.  I took a lot of flack for Mine, too, but I'd probably still do it again.  If someone is your SO and they don't even think enough of you to put on a condom while they are ruining your trust, I can't say I have a lot of pity.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SteelofUtah)
Profile   Post #: 20
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