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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/7/2009 7:50:40 AM

leadership527

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i just wondering if i am losing my submissiveness or if it is all the other pressure pounding on me
Here, let me help you out. I choose (b) it's all th eother pressure. Seriously, nobody can "lose" a part of themselves. But it can be sublimated, occluded, or otherwise hidden by the rest of life. Your actual problem though is a tough one because it's so nebulous. My real advice isn't for you, it's for your sir. I'd say that he needs to start gently and consistently enforcing whatever boundaries he wants so that you can mold some new behavior. I might also suggest that timing is an important aspect of things, as is stress management. Now may not be the best time to making trivial but stressful adjustments in his sub given the other stress your under.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/8/2009 8:27:17 AM

maia09

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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

I come for advice,. Being an aries it natural for me to be pushy at times. This is a problem Sir has told me has caused him to back away slightly. I feel like an child in regard to this, but how do you stop being pushy? Yes we talked, but would to hear from both s-types and doms how one can control it. In vanilla relationship was natural to make plans, sometimes I forget that this is not the same. At times i do interrupt as well. He suggested I wear a ball and gag to stop this annoying habit.
I am very interested in how others have over come these behaviors.

Thank you,

renee

i view submission similarly to anything that comes natural to a person. Just because a characteristic exists doesn't mean it's developed to it's highest capacity. i have natural musical talent. Yet without any effort, focus, practice on my part, it would not evolve into anything i can rely on or use to create wonderful music with. i see submission similarly. i am naturally submissive. This does not mean i'm passive, non-opinionated or unassertive. It simply means that i have a natural tendency to submit when another is more dominate in a situation. Taking this natural ability, and working with it to develop it into an art is part of being a consensual slave. i have a strong personality, capable of leadership, but those characteristics belong to my Master. As such i use them in ways that please Him and not in ways that work against our dynamic.

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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/8/2009 9:07:04 AM

stillholdson

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Joined: 9/4/2009
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How long has he been a Dom?
if its a mouthy /bitchy pushy...
he should be correcting any behavior and modifying it to what he wants.
suggested you wear a ball gag...thats cute.he should have just shoved it in your mouth till you got the hint.or some other corrective measure.
if nothing else he should have you hush and go kneel or something till you can quiet your mind to not push...

then there's pushing thats testing limit of boundries...not knowing the exact situation its hard to help////but if its the pushy that way...you two need to talk and some of it is going to be natural to test the strength and length of chains to make sure his rules are going to be enforced.
good luck

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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/12/2009 1:48:30 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stillholdson
if its a mouthy /bitchy pushy...
he should be correcting any behavior and modifying it to what he wants.
suggested you wear a ball gag...thats cute.he should have just shoved it in your mouth till you got the hint.or some other corrective measure.

Why should he need to be overly harsh if the mere mention is sufficient ?
Just because you like being physically corrected doesn't mean it's the right thing for everyone.

I get bitchy sometimes, all he needs to do is mention it. At which point, having had it brought to my attention I focus my attention on myself and figure out what the problem is.

Usually I'm tired or hungry or thirsty and need a break. A ball gag shoved in my mouth wouldn't help. It would however teach me that he didn't actually care about my well being. Letting me make sandwiches and take a half hour break while we eat does solve the problem.

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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/12/2009 2:15:24 PM

stillholdson

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Not sure why you would presume from my post that I like being pysically corrected and personally I hate ballgags.

It seemed from the op's writing that this is a big problem for her not a little one.
I got the impression that the 'mere suggestion' wasn't doing it.Henceforth my response.

Sometimes the bull does need to be taken by the horns to get the correct behavior.

If you notice I also stated some other ways to help curb her tendency

....or some other corrective measure.
if nothing else he should have you hush and go kneel or something till you can quiet your mind to not push...

< Message edited by stillholdson -- 9/12/2009 2:20:48 PM >

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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/12/2009 2:52:23 PM

DesFIP

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The assumption came from your words "that's cute... he should have immediately shoved it in".
The fact that you jumped to have, in the meaning of should, meaning the one true way is why I made the assumption.

If you've read the whole thread you may notice that the problem wasn't hers, it was his lack of commitment to the relationship. He didn't want to take the time to train her. Training cannot be accomplished one day a year. It must be an ongoing thing with the dominant paying attention to why this happens, how to avoid getting to such a thing, and brainstorming ways to avoid the problem.

None of which did he want to do as is proved by him moving on because she had life issues and he wasn't interested in anything except fun and games.

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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/12/2009 3:08:38 PM

stillholdson

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If you notice the statement I started of with was,' how long had he been a Dom.'

the 'thats cute 'came from his 'suggestion' and lack of action.

It certainly shouldn't give the impression that I like physical correction because I abhor it.
However sometimes it does really work for some of us more stubborn types.

My response is based on exactly what she had written..." it is a problem for her ' and it would lead one to believe the 'suggestion didn't work" which in turn would make one think that perhaps more 'drastic measures' were needed.
henceforth the verbage I used.
my habit was broken with the threat of clothespins on my tongue.

Again, I did offer other suggestions also as she did ask for advice.

Not all of us have easygoing D types that let us have a time out when we get bitchy to go make a sandwhich so we go with what we know and have expereinced.Also knowing me that wouldnt work to get the desired behavoir.

Oh and I did say 'should' in my post BTW

Now I dont have the fyi on their history as you do for I certainly didn't read all into the 3 pages of posts that you have stated above.

< Message edited by stillholdson -- 9/12/2009 3:16:19 PM >

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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/13/2009 8:04:49 AM

LeatherBentOne

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quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwinds

I walked away from my friend, Sir. I always will honor how he helped me but now it is an unhealthy relationship. I deserve more then what he is willing to give me.

Just remember that the less pushy one is, opens the door to allows the Dominant the space to come in without a constant struggle of safeguarding His/Her dominance at every turn. This gets tiresome for a Dominant when constantly challenged and it tears down the power exhchange that a submissive craves. Dont be so eager to say you deserve more when youve closed these avenues by being pushy. Or feel you are in an unhealthy relationship because you dont get what you want.

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RE: how not to be pushy? - 9/15/2009 12:04:45 PM

oceanwyndsLoves

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Thank you all for your replies. This is still oceanwynds, but i needed to pull away from everything and go deep within to see for myself. Ex Sir and i departed as friends, he could not offer me what type of relaitonship that i was craving. That saying 'close the door and another opens' rang true for me. As i was closing the door and deciding on which decision to make; go back to being vanilla, staying in this type of relationship or committing to being single for ever, I met a new Dom. During that period of search which really started in Jan. i discovered who i am and now am in a relationship with someone that seeks to be with me and love me. Ex and i will always be friends, if it wasn't for him i would not have discover BDSM. I would have been clueless to my submissive and strong probability slave nature.

Whew i made it:)
oceanwynds

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