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Q for you Pros... - 7/23/2009 2:00:55 PM

SFLCouple

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/20/2009
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I have what I would assume is a very good question as a beginning femdom.

I (and my significant) are searching for a sub fem for our unique scenario. I assume in my inexperience that it is unique.
Here is the plot line; we are both switch in our personal relationship, but neither are full Dom to the opposite sex. I am more outwardly dominate, and as a former lesbian, he decided he would like to see me with another female. I do not desire the sexual attention/romance from a woman, but would rather enjoy being a mentor and superior, with the love similar to a pet or child for her. I have played bdsm in other relationships with both sexes and though I am not willing to say I am experienced. I have however experienced both sides of the fence, as slave as well as master. I know where I stand. I have used basic tools (corner sex store paddles, collars, etc) and light/basic humiliation/tasks. Again my experience is in roll play, so after our discussion we decided to advertise that we were looking for a young similarly experienced female in our area for nosex/nsa/bdsm myself playing mistress and my master looking on and having no interaction with my slave then when he is suited to; dominated me. I would then make my slave watch. I have begun to study the actual practice of bdsm here and Google. I am more than intrigued and this is no longer just a fantasy. I want a slave, for more than just a couples spice night. I desire a female whom can learn to have a mistress and I can care for. I might be naive, the whole experience would be to learn't from as well.

Since this is with MY lover, who allows me a “free” relationships with other women, I would not allow any sexual relations with him. He has never tried bdsm like I have, and I would like to work as a team. I see, rather, myself being the mistress and he the curious by stander who very well could enjoy the illusion of himself as my master, but in reality he will obey my every command.

Here is my ponder;
How/where would I attract female in my area who would be a good match for us? Feel free to gander. I have posted on my profile here, (craigslist, okcupid, and adultfriendfinder to name a few others) my full proposition. I speak my mind when I want something and as a biz owner, I am used to laying the deal on the table with a take-it-or-leave-it attitude. I am quite used to getting my way. (Understand why I have made this decision). I have been approached that because of the way I structured my profile, I come across as “scary”. I'd like to attract a woman who has been s/m curious for a while and serious about sticking with the 'program' -for lack of a better word-.
Your input on all the above is appreciated in advance, all rebuttals will be taken with a grain of salt and a dash of consideration.

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RE: Q for you Pros... - 7/23/2009 3:21:30 PM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
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Although i am not a Pro Mistress or seeking another relationship, i have been the third to a Hetero couple where the woman was the dominant in the relationship and am currently Sir's pet. After reviewing your question and profile, what i see is ZERO information about non-kink activities (excepting a mention of Wicca on the profile and a business owner here), yet you appear to be suggesting something more than a quick one-off slap and torture session. If i were looking, i'd find this unappealing. i couldn't become a pet to a couple who didn't have similar interests as i had or was not willing to share outside interests of their own, ever. A pet requires some care and feeding besides the opportunity to get bruises and voyeur. This is often the mistake of people looking for a third, they want them to be ready-bake dolls and only focus on what will be going on in the bedroom for them--never wondering or being open to what the person behind the role might add to the experience. i recommend reviewing the "poly" forums for a better explaination of what i'm trying to convey.
i think elsewhere on this site, people have referred to third-girls as Unicorns. Apparently, we are legend.

(in reply to SFLCouple)

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RE: Q for you Pros... - 7/23/2009 3:24:45 PM

LadyPact

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I'm confused about two things.

1. Why is your question specifically aimed at pros?

2. Wouldn't this question be more geared toward the poly folks/board?

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RE: Q for you Pros... - 7/23/2009 6:16:15 PM

dreamerdreaming

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"I see, rather, myself being the mistress and he the curious by stander who very well could enjoy the illusion of himself as my master, but in reality he will obey my every command."

Mmmkay... That's not a master, that's a service dom. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't deceive him about it. Help him out, here. He may not have much self-awareness at all, and may need you to help bring certain things about himself to light. In your post I see you going on and on about this dream girl of yours, and not saying much at all about the lover you already have. You're just not that into him, it seems.

Also, I'm with LadyPact: why do you want to hear specifically from pro-dommes, and why not post this in the poly forum?

I am very curious!

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 7/23/2009 7:20:02 PM >

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(in reply to SFLCouple)

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RE: Q for you Pros... - 7/23/2009 7:45:40 PM

SFLCouple

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quote:

i see is ZERO information about non-kink activities (excepting a mention of Wicca on the profile and a business owner here), yet you appear to be suggesting something more than a quick one-off slap and torture session. -petmonkey

You are exactly right, and thank you for bringing that to my attention. I really did not realize that it is important to bring these things to light before first contact.

quote:

Mmmkay... That's not a master, that's a service dom. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you don't deceive him about it. Help him out, here. He may not have much self-awareness at all, and may need you to help bring certain things about himself to light. In your post I see you going on and on about this dream girl of yours, and not saying much at all about the lover you already have. You're just not that into him, it seems. -dreamerdreaming

I didn't really post much about him because, he really will be a student. He is turned on by power, his or mine. As far as what he would offer to the submissive - he doesn't know yet. (Thank you for clarifying I've not come across the term "service dom" in my studding yet.) I agree completely. He needs guidance, and that is what confuses me on how to approach a submissive. That is why I have a bracket for a girl so that he also can taste the lifestyle. I'm positive he'd enjoy it. It makes it difficult to be appealing to a submissive, I know. To be honest it makes it difficult for me to get what I want. I adore him, we've been together for a while and I do love him. He really is one of those fellas that doesn't care either way until they've acquired a taste.

Why is this question specifically aimed at pros? To see if anyone had similar or seen similar situations and shed light. Words of wisdom, etc. Wouldn't this question be more geared toward the poly folks/board? Yes, but I know that some of the folks there visit here as well, I wanted answers from all.

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

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RE: Q for you Pros... - 7/23/2009 10:31:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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First things first, you might want to work on your terminology. If the term service top or Dom isn't one you're familiar with, even though it is quite common, you probably could use a better understanding on some other terms as well. The reason that I point this out is that it is going to help you explain what you are looking for, what you would like to achieve, and who you are when interacting with others. SM 101 happens to have a decent index of scene related terms as well as The Loving Dominant.

It would seem to Me that you also have what might possibly be an inaccurate conception that somehow, a pro might be more likely to be more experience in this area as compared to lifestyle Dominants. It would be My opinion that this is incorrect. There are many lifestyle Dominants that are poly and have successful experience in exactly what you are asking about. I've helped to mentor My own husband in this area, so not only pros are familiar with what you are trying to accomplish.

There are some of us that visit this board that are poly, but you probably would have got a better response in asking in that area. Your question is more geared to bringing an additional person in and those who identify as poly are more likely to have the answers that you are looking for. Getting the perspective of male Dominants in the same situation may have furthered your cause.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SFLCouple)

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RE: Q for you Pros... - 7/24/2009 12:12:41 AM

allthatjaz

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You say you don't desire sexual attention from a woman and yet in your profile you state that you are sexually Dominant towards females. From reading your profile I would say that it implies you are looking for a voyur to feed your fantasy but then goes on to say that you may be throwing in some punishment in.
You need more clarity because the whole thing is too confusing.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Q for you Pros... - 7/24/2009 8:14:07 AM

petmonkey

Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SFLCouple

thank you for bringing that to my attention.

quote:

You're very welcome. May You find what You seek.

(in reply to SFLCouple)