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am i asking to much??? - 7/23/2009 2:52:44 PM

coca

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

hallo everyone ,

brief information about myself:
32 years old , submissive , having D/s relation

when we first met , She didnt have any idea about D/s. After long time , patience helped me and She liked me , loved me and She was openminded and wanted to learn about D/s and it worked - we are not vanillia anymore... :)

I am asking myself many questions...
am i too pushy?
always trying to have different things
trying making Her interested in different BDSM games more..

for example : I really like to be humilated , but She is not into it too much :(
I try a little bit , but after a while it is so obvious that She is doing it only for me.... :(((
Because when i am not interested and not little forcing, She is not interested in it.
secondly , I like to have CB on , but after a while, She forgetting if i have it or not? SO i feel at that time , WHY i am having it on, if She is not aware of it???
or She wants me to clean and tidy the flat , but She is not playing with me when i am cleaning , ( i can hear some of you will tell , i have to be patience.. but really i am trying it hard)

I think i am having totally submissive soul maybe a little bit slave soul, but I am not TOTAL slave..
the question here : am i too pushy? are all the subs questioning like me? Is She normal or could She be a little bit not enough?? How can a submissive understand if his Domme the RIGHT ONE???

i can ask millions more questions....

thanks for reading..
coca :)

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RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/23/2009 3:28:27 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If she is the dominant then she decides what to do. Sounds like she doesn't enjoy humiliation or chastity so she doesn't do that. As far as playing with you while you clean, if she does that the cleaning won't get done.

Instead of setting this up so you get all your play needs met, why not talk to her about what submission means to her and how much playing there will be. Perhaps make it that you get a certain amount of play if you do what she says. So when she tells you to clean the place, then you focus on doing that knowing that you will only get playtime if you earn it by doing your chores?

Submission means she makes the decisions, not you. Yes you have to have your needs met but being whipped while scrubbing the floor is a want, not a need. You folks need a lot more learning and a lot more open communication.

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(in reply to coca)

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RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/23/2009 5:06:12 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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What Celeste said. You've trained this woman to Top you, and you think it makes her a Domme and you a sub.

She cares for you and is willing to play games with you. If that's not enough, then leave and find a REAL Domina. But be honest about it from the start.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/23/2009 5:10:59 PM

GambitLeBeau

Posts: 76
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Lancashire, UK
Status: offline

Yeah... you need to enjoy obeying HER desires, or it will never be real submission to you. AAkasha's posts in This thread are a great thing to think about. You need to be able to let her express herself and put your own wants to one side.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/23/2009 6:34:49 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

How about She isnt Domme.

She is trying to give you what you want, but it isnt her.

You love her, accept this and stay, if you need more. Move on.

(in reply to coca)

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Post #: 5

RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 1:32:58 AM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline

have a nice sit down conversation with her and not only let your wants and desires be known but hers as well. if your current dynamic is not what you both desire anymore then change is needed. some say move on but it doesn't mean leaving her it may be that she my be a submissive as well and a Dom(E) may want to add both of you to the dynamic.you will never know until the two of you have a long discussion.

(in reply to frazzle)

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RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 3:55:29 AM

coca

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

I think I have to be more clear. We are not vanilia anymore. (More than 4 years.)
We do know the biggest rule in good D/s relation is good communication. (and unfortunally I knew the answers from you , would be to communicate more  ) and i am sure we are communicating well..

It might sound as if i am not happy , actually I am happy about my relation. Our D/s journey began long time ago.
However , I dont know about the OTHER subs who has long time relations?
Are we all so horny bitches?  I am always craving for more games. What do the other subs doing? How can they stop themselves to think to have more plays.
She is always telling me that I am a big NEEDY boy.. I need Her interest over me. SO spoiled , isnt it?

Some of You told She might be submissive , I dont think She is… If we can count it as a problem , She does LOVE me. I am sure about it. And I am trying to be good sub for Her.
But I am checking the other subs around me , they are having vanilia relations or families and going to the professionals. Is it a good solution? ( I am not sure about it) Because loving Femdom is the best in my opinion.

But what I know , if She is not around me , I feel empty and I CAN not find someone like Her , who I can trust MORE THaN everything… (myself including)

some problems in my mind :)
what if She wants to marry with me ? and wants to have kids in the future?
how can you play games???? or want to be humilated in that situation?

Regards

< Message edited by coca -- 7/24/2009 4:11:14 AM >

(in reply to LPslittleclip)

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Post #: 7

RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 4:52:35 AM

GambitLeBeau

Posts: 76
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Lancashire, UK
Status: offline

You can manage having kink in your life as a married couple with kids. Just keep it in the bedroom.

(in reply to coca)

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Post #: 8

RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 4:54:07 AM

Sunnyfey

Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline

Or do as me and my poly group do, wait till the kids are in bed. And let them spend the night at friend or relatives houses....often

< Message edited by Sunnyfey -- 7/24/2009 4:55:09 AM >

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RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 5:06:52 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: coca

It might sound as if i am not happy , actually I am happy about my relation. Our D/s journey began long time ago.
However , I dont know about the OTHER subs who has long time relations?
Are we all so horny bitches?  I am always craving for more games. What do the other subs doing? How can they stop themselves to think to have more plays.
She is always telling me that I am a big NEEDY boy.. I need Her interest over me. SO spoiled , isnt it?

Seems that the one thing you are forgetting is how your D/s relationship will never be like every other sub's relationship. What works for me or any other sub will not work for you simple because I have made my relationship with a Dom unique through trial and error until it is something which my dom and myself are happy with.

Some of You told She might be submissive , I dont think She is… If we can count it as a problem , She does LOVE me. I am sure about it. And I am trying to be good sub for Her.
But I am checking the other subs around me , they are having vanilia relations or families and going to the professionals. Is it a good solution? ( I am not sure about it) Because loving Femdom is the best in my opinion.

Here again, do not model your D/s relationship according to other subs you know and talk to. Garner advice and suggestions from others and find what will work for your dominant and for you.

But what I know , if She is not around me , I feel empty and I CAN not find someone like Her , who I can trust MORE THaN everything… (myself including)

some problems in my mind :)
what if She wants to marry with me ? and wants to have kids in the future?
how can you play games???? or want to be humilated in that situation?

Being submissive to a dominant partner is not all about the sub's wants.

_____________________________

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That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

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(in reply to coca)

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Post #: 10

RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 9:13:13 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

Coca, I am going to remind you of something many s-types tend to forget. Being submissive means......you submit.

Think about it. Then think about it again...........and again............and again.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to coca)

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Post #: 11

RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 9:40:39 AM

coca

Posts: 53
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline

hmm..submitting. totally aggreed...

But ? , does that mean subs always need to be reminded???
if yes , its not only my fault , right?

(in reply to LaTigresse)

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RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 9:42:30 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: coca

hmm..submitting. totally aggreed...

But ? , does that mean subs always need to be reminded???
if yes , its not only my fault , right?

Quit trying to find fault.

Go back and read again. If you are submissive to this woman, they you submit to this woman. Period.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 7/24/2009 9:43:14 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to coca)

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Post #: 13

RE: am i asking to much??? - 7/24/2009 9:43:50 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: coca
some problems in my mind :)
what if She wants to marry with me ? and wants to have kids in the future?
how can you play games???? or want to be humilated in that situation?

Regards

How do people have good old fashioned sex? You have sleepovers, you get baby sitters. You just deal. That is all.

the.dark.

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 14

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