RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?!

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RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?! - 7/26/2009 2:22:52 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Not a sub, but I'm gonna answer anyway cause I can...

quote:

ORIGINAL: StoneFox

Have any of you subs (esp. the guys) ever done this...dropped out of touch without saying why? And why did you do that?!

I've had the same thing happen to me, fairly recently in fact. There was someone I'd met on here, she'd been quite active in the forums, etc. We began as friends, that developed into something more and we planned a visit. The day she was supposed to leave to come visit, she went poof. Her account here was deleted, no answer to phone calls or emails. She did eventually contact me later and made some excuses then disappeared again. Personally, I think it was someone who just got an old fashioned case of cold feet. It happens. People come online and talk about fantasies, its very easy to do and also very easy to work themselves up to thinking they want something. And then reality hits home that that's all about to very much become reality... and they get scared.

Don't take it personal, it happens to many dominants (and submissives, sometimes its the dominant that gets cold feet) and its one of the common "hazards" of trying to meet people online. Not everyone who comes online is as ready for what they ask for as they think they are.

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?! - 7/27/2009 12:17:38 AM

StoneFox

Posts: 131
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Thank you all so much.

To be honest, I've met (and became romantically involved) with people I'd met online frequently before. Maybe it's just frustrating because prior to my CM experience I'd become very accustomed to people who I'd met online being very reliable about transitioning to real-time.

Ahhh well. New situation, new rules. I do appreciate the shared experiences, btw. Nice to know I'm not alone.

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RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?! - 8/17/2009 6:19:15 PM

SLAVEBOY32

Posts: 122
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

I despise flakey people, and pride myself on not being one. This does happen to me alot more in the D/s community I notice then in vanilla land. But I must confess, once....I did something sort of similar to what you described. I do not think the reason I acted in this manner, is the same reason he is acting in that manner, based off what you have said about him being on line. But here goes. Some years ago, my former Domme and I split up. We were apart for 8 or 10 weeks. At around week 4 of the break up, I rejoined C.M. I made a few Domme-friends on here, who I really enjoyed talking to, and had a couple Dommes I was interested in and vice versa. We had not gotten to the point of exchanging numbers or anything. At around the 10 week mark, my Domme and I got back together. We had 4 years of history when we had broken up. We had lived together for 3 years before splitting up, and immediately resumed doing so. So, out of respect for my Domme, I signed on to CM one last time, and closed the account. No explanation to my friends or the Domme I was interested in. Did not open my mailbox, nothing. Just came on, and closed the account and never looked back.
A little over two years later, (Feb 08)we called it quits again. I came back on line, and while I did not attempt to contact the Dommes I had been chatting with for D/s puposes, I did try to contact the ones I had been talking to for social puposes. To my surprise, a couple of the ones I was friends with, were still really pissed. Even after I explained my reasons.

< Message edited by SLAVEBOY32 -- 8/17/2009 6:20:04 PM >

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RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?! - 8/18/2009 10:36:03 AM

TimrehIX

Posts: 75
Joined: 6/29/2009
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I have done it only once. I did it because in a “thinking with my dick” moment I agreed to more than I was really comfortable with, AND the Dom immediately changed personas from an authoritarian figure to demanding prick. Not that I can’t handle serving a demanding prick but to change so suddenly with no warning freaked me out.

I regret pulling the disappearing act, and I would go back and explain why I disappeared but it’s been so long.

I wouldn’t do that again. Even if the Dom was a wacko, I would try to offer some sort of closer to the exchanges before shutting down communications.

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RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?! - 8/18/2009 10:45:56 AM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

or... they've just lost interest, and didnt feel it worthwhile to say so. People are people....

... or his wife found out....

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RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?! - 8/18/2009 11:16:52 AM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

I've done this once or twice, but it's usually within the first few messages. It's generally because something is off but i can't really define what, and experience has taught me that trying to discuss it is not only unproductive but usually messy as well. if i have a particular reason or am able to explain it understandably then there will be a discussion, otherwise i just disappear. It is sometimes better to be left wondering than to hear something like, "I don't think you're the one" or "I can't explain it but something just doesn't feel right"

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I have believed the best of every man. And find that to believe is enough to make a bad man show him at his best, or even a good man swings his lantern higher.- yeats

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RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?! - 8/18/2009 12:11:24 PM

lameduck13

Posts: 64
Joined: 4/5/2008
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Since your not going to tell us who it is and I don't expect you too, I perved your profile, and I can't find any reason looks wise, besides the fact that you may be too good looking, and he got cold feet, maybe his wife or GF found out, Maybe he just wanted the erotic email exchanges, maybe he just wanted nekkid pictures of you? Who's to say for sure, but if he doesn't offer you a reason then IMO he's not worth your time or your energy, if he doesn't reply to you, I'd forget about him and move onto fresher waters. That being said... Hey how you doing? lol j/k

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RE: Rant! Explain it to Me?! - 8/18/2009 12:58:07 PM

jen182

Posts: 495
Joined: 11/29/2008
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i have never done that, i always give a reason before disapearing

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Post #: 28