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curiousmichcpl -> seeking information (7/24/2009 10:11:22 PM)
Hi everybody we are new to the sceen and i was wondering if i could get insight on it. i know some people would say that maybe this should be in ask a dom but i would like to hear what sub/slave has to say about this. like i said we are still new to this and trying to learn as we go but i find that when i tell her something she seems to not take it serious sometimes. i dont know if she does it just to get punished or not. she likes to be spanked, whiped, and other stuff. sometimes she might say its just the tone of my voice or something else. basically what im asking is what makes you respond to your dominate other. is it the tone of their voice, what they say to you, or even what the punishment is for you not doing what is asked. i would like to know what is said to you and why it makes you respond the way that the dominate says to you. i thank you all for any and all responses

peppermint -> RE: seeking information (7/24/2009 10:24:01 PM)
You could have a problem if you are punishing her with activities she enjoys. Punishment should never be mistaken for fun activities. My Dom has punishmed me by forbidding me to read my books for several days.

KneelforAnne -> RE: seeking information (7/24/2009 10:38:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiousmichcpl Hi everybody we are new to the sceen and i was wondering if i could get insight on it. i know some people would say that maybe this should be in ask a dom but i would like to hear what sub/slave has to say about this. like i said we are still new to this and trying to learn as we go but i find that when i tell her something she seems to not take it serious sometimes. i dont know if she does it just to get punished or not. she likes to be spanked, whiped, and other stuff. sometimes she might say its just the tone of my voice or something else. basically what im asking is what makes you respond to your dominate other. is it the tone of their voice, what they say to you, or even what the punishment is for you not doing what is asked. i would like to know what is said to you and why it makes you respond the way that the dominate says to you. i thank you all for any and all responses Hello, and welcome to the boards! I hope you find the answers you're looking for here, and stick around to converse with us afterward! smiles Now, I am far from an expert, but I think peppermint has the right idea. If my "punishment" consisted of chocolate kisses - why in the world would I behave? Since you said she enjoys things like spanking, perhaps that shouldn't be a punishment. There is also the possibility that she just wants to be spanked and can't really bring herself to ask yet (or doesn't know she CAN do that?). Have an open and honest discussion about what she wants/ needs/ likes and ask her if this is a reason she acts out sometimes. What works for one dominate may not work for you. There was something in YOU that she saw, and liked, and then she decided to submit to YOU not other Doms... so what was it in YOU that she responded to? That may help determine what you need to focus on when you get into this area. Generally speaking---in many situations her acting out for punishment isn't considered a good thing. Now, don't let that color your relationship (I'm a great believer in doing what is right for YOU) but if you're looking for the "WEAL and TWUE WAY" then her actions wouldn't be a good thing. Maybe she's still trying to get herself situated in this role... you're both new, so this is something that she may not be entirely comfortable with. Blunt, open and honest communication will do wonders for you.

ownedslavesweet -> RE: seeking information (7/24/2009 11:08:22 PM)
I also agree with peppermint. It sounds like you have the wrong punishments, if they are something she provokes you in order to obtain. A punishment should never be at all pleasurable.Do not confuse discipline with punishment. She could also crave the tighter control that results when she deliberately misbehaves. I used to be a bit like that... What motives me to behave now is simply my desire to please and to serve. A quick 'good girl' and a stroke of my hair is far more likely to get the right result than a punishment. If you can instil a deep desire to please you will find punishments are rarely needed. But, at the end of the day, do whatever works for you two. lyss

DarkSteven -> RE: seeking information (7/25/2009 4:41:22 AM)
The two of you need to have a series of talks about what you want in your relationship. The fact that she is responding to your tone of voice, etc., means that she will obey you if she feels you're acting "Dom" enough. That's like a scene. You, on the other hand, want her to obey you as a matter of course. Neither approach is wrong or right, but you need to make sure you're both on the same page. This kind of thing is inevitable when you're both new. Explore with her and enjoy!

DesFIP -> RE: seeking information (7/25/2009 5:10:55 AM)
Does she want to be a 24/7 sub? Because if her only interest is bedroom submission and you want more, then you need to talk out how to solve the disconnect. Beyond that, are your decisions worth obeying? Are you thinking things out before issuing orders, aware of how they will impact her schedule? If she takes her career seriously and you are interfering in it by telling her ten times a day to go masturbate then you would be proving to her that you aren't someone she should listen to. And if she dislikes micromanagement intensely and that's what turns you on, you may well be incompatible. If he, who can't cook, were to stand over me and insist I measure out how much garlic I had instead of just adding a chopped clove or two I wouldn't obey either. Because I would be getting the blame for adding twelve tablespoons instead of two teaspoons and making the dish inedible even though it would be his fault.

daddysliloneds -> RE: seeking information (7/25/2009 9:53:38 AM)
my answer in one word: desire.

CaringandReal -> RE: seeking information (7/25/2009 6:49:38 PM)
I think submissives in a new relationship always push. Even if they're good submissives, not bratty or trying to secretly take control, they will push, because they want to know where their boundaries are, where the fences are that they must not cross. Also, being shown where those boundaries are and shown that they are uncrossable creates in many submissive people, a sense of security and safety.

daintydimples -> RE: seeking information (7/25/2009 6:55:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal I think submissives in a new relationship always push. Even if they're good submissives, not bratty or trying to secretly take control, they will push, because they want to know where their boundaries are, where the fences are that they must not cross. Also, being shown where those boundaries are and shown that they are uncrossable creates in many submissive people, a sense of security and safety. I agree, well said.

spookyfe -> RE: seeking information (7/26/2009 3:57:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CaringandReal I think submissives in a new relationship always push. Even if they're good submissives, not bratty or trying to secretly take control, they will push, because they want to know where their boundaries are, where the fences are that they must not cross. Also, being shown where those boundaries are and shown that they are uncrossable creates in many submissive people, a sense of security and safety. i agree my master is slowly increasing his dominance and pushing my submissivness. he usually knows when its time but sometimes not and i have been known to act up to get him to deepen his control. he ignors this as he knows i want any punishment and dont care what it is he even lightens his control slightly that soon stopped me and now learnt to ask

spookyfe -> RE: seeking information (7/26/2009 4:22:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: curiousmichcpl i find that when i tell her something she seems to not take it serious sometimes. i dont know if she does it just to get punished or not. she likes to be spanked, whiped, and other stuff. sometimes she might say its just the tone of my voice or something else. basically what im asking is what makes you respond to your dominate other. is it the tone of their voice, what they say to you, or even what the punishment is for you not doing what is asked. i would like to know what is said to you and why it makes you respond the way that the dominate says to you. i thank you all for any and all responses a lot is in my masters voice also the fact i dont want to disapoint him. How he talk which is usually very calm but strong and loving. how he looks at me if ive done somthing wrong. how he rewards me . how he loves me. he rarley has to punish me and always if he does choses something he knows i wont like. if he spanks me as a punishment its very different than a spanking in play theres no way my body likes one as a punishment and wouldnt act up to get one of those.

lizi -> RE: seeking information (7/26/2009 6:27:52 AM)
It's difficult when there is a struggle in any area. What that usually means is there is an underlying problem and it won't become peaceful until both parties know and understand where the lines are drawn. For myself, anytime I have information about something I become much more compliant and I dont' struggle any longer. So if my Dom wants something and I understand why he wants it - even if it's just because he does - I do it. The two of you are still in uncharted territory and she may just need to learn to trust that you are in control and you know what you're doing. A little information dropped at key times will give her what she needs to know on this subject. In the beginning it may work better to do things this way, after she begins to trust you it's not necessary for you to 'prove' yourself. Look at it this way, in any new relationship the 2 parties need to get to know and understand each other. THere is an initial period of trust building. As a sub, during this period I get to know my Dom, who he is, and what he's like. I don't automatically have trust and respect for him - that would be foolish. I might as well get into cars with strangers if that's what I'm going to do. She may be just testing you to see whether you deserve her respect which then leads to her compliance. This is new to you AND your partner. There are so many things to work out in any relationship but if both parties are new to something the learning curve is bigger and will take a bit longer. I think at this beginning point you'd really have to sit down with your sub when these things happen and have a heart to heart with her. Once you understand more of what's happening and why- then you can just Dom her ass when you need to and she'll accept that once she understands that you're the Dom for a reason. Get the information you need as the leader in order to lead and then enforce it. In the end to answer your question of what makes me respond to what my Dominant wants, its my basic respect for him that makes me respond and the fact that I know - and don't question - he knows best. How he gets that respect from me is how he has shown me by word and action thus far that he is the leader and why.

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