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Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 2:03:30 PM   
MissLula


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/25/2009
Status: offline 		I have had a couple of r/t D/s relationships and after a long period I decided to advertise online. I have found a potential new sub who seems just right but as I have had a lot of time wasters and game players in the past I have decided that I am going to keep this as a long distance/online relationship until I am certain we are compatible. Therefore for the next couple of months I wish to 'train' him (for want of a better word).

He is competely new (no experience at all) and I am new to online/distance and obviously I hope it will work out and eventualy we will meet r/t. As this is very different to a real time situation where I wuld know what to do has anyone any ideas on initial basic rules I can set for My sub as obviously the type of things I would usually expect cannot be done from a distance?

We have contact online and by text/phone so has anyone any ideas where I can start as I am seriously considering him.

There is an 8 year age gap, he is the younger, lives with 2 housemates, has a full time job and quite a busy social life so those are all things I will have to take into account.

I am extremely dominant and demanding but want to start slowly so I dont want to jump in and frighten him. I want him to be able to trust Me first obviously.

Any ideas on rules/assignments would be very welcome.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 2:06:30 PM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Easy enough......

have him wear buttplugs when hes out with his friends, have him buy a chastity device,........ect

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(in reply to MissLula)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 2:08:01 PM   
MissLula


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/25/2009
Status: offline 		what about basic rules, daily routines etc? any ideas?

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 2:09:59 PM   
TurboJugend


Posts: 481
Joined: 6/15/2009
Status: offline 		journals...messaging a good morning....or sleep well
just start and the ideas will come

(in reply to MissLula)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 2:35:28 PM   
MissLula


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/25/2009
Status: offline 		I already have those thank you Turbo. I want to add more without going over the top to start with. Obviously in time more will be added but i am starting off quite gently. 

(in reply to TurboJugend)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 2:58:09 PM   
DePubed


Posts: 71
Joined: 6/23/2009
Status: offline 		I personally have found that long-distance on-line "cyber" Dom/sub dynamics are mostly (in my own experience) fake. It seems that a number of men use them for erotic masterbatory fantasies. In other words, they use you for their entertainment. They can deceive you as to their age, appearance, etc. There is no way of knowing whether they are obeying you or not; and, in fact, many have done this repeatedyly with different Doms that they have perfected their scripts to prevent you from detecting them.
However, for the actual, real, true, and honest sub that begs you to 'cyber-Dom' them,my suggestion is this; they MUST have a webcam. A webcam is the only way that you can see their face, their body, and if they are wearing the clothing (or no clothing that you impose on them, etc. In this day and age everyone has a webcam or can afford one. Everyone. As soon as the 'sub' informs you, "But I cant use a webcam because I live with my grandmother and she will see" or 'i ahve room mates and have no privacy" etc. You should "smell the proverbial rat". They dont have to be naked on webcam, they can just be there dressed as you tell them to.
As for me, I find out what the sub usually sleeps in, then I change it in a non-overwhelmign way. For example: if he usually sleeps in boxer underwear, order him to start sleeping in a jockstrap; if he is used to sleeping nude, tell him to sleep in jockey underwear. It doesnt matter as long as it is different from what he is used to and if what you have him do is possible and simply & easy. This will allow the (true) sub the chance to 'feel' obedience to you. Yes, have him wear a buttplug under his clothes for an hour each day (during his lunchbreak); or wear a jockstrap under his suit at work. Little things, easy to do, which nobody notices. Tell him that when he is entering a buyilding he should open the door and hodl it open for everyone and call tjhem 'sir' or 'ma'am'. Again, he will experience obedience, without any embarrassment. But again bewar of the fake subs who just want to masturbate as they lie to you and pretend to be obeying you when you have absolutely no proof that they are obeying, and when they consistently thwart every attempt you make to have verifiable proof.

(in reply to MissLula)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 4:43:21 PM   
MissLula


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/25/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you Depubed. Well I can say I know he is real, we have spoken on cam a few times and he just leaves his on for hours so I can see him whilst we talk. So far he is texting via cell every time he is told to so I do honestly think he is genuine.

It actually wasnt his suggestion to do LD, it was mine, he would like to meet as soon as possible but obviously only when I see fit. He is polite, obedient and willing (so far).

The sleeping attire is a good idea, I shall add that to My list thank you. 

(in reply to DePubed)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 4:44:58 PM   
UnseelieCourt


Posts: 20
Joined: 7/17/2008
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
 
I second the web cam and journaling.  You should also have him get a headset with a microphone.  They're as cheap as a web cam ($20-$30) and can be used in conjunction with the cam.  Don't rely on the mic that comes built into many web cams.  The sound quality is crap and it can't be used with a voice chat program such as Skype or YIM voice.
 
Next, you should pick up a copy of The Miss Abernathy Omnibus by Christina Abernathy.  It's a compendium of both of her books on D/s relationships.  The second half is Training With Miss Abernathy.  It's a workbook intended for unowned slaves to prepare themselves for a dominant.  However, I have found it to be a resource of incalculable value, especially in the early days of a relationship.  It has numerous exercises that can be adapted to an online forum.
 
You should also use the Search feature available on the main page of the forums.  If you use keywords such as "online training" or "tasks" you'll find several past threads that discuss the topic.  There's a wealth of material in those old threads.  I copied the ones I liked into a Word file and keep it in a folder on my computer for easy access.  Whenever I need to give my creativity a jump start, I refer back to the file.
 
Good luck and have fun!

_____________________________

Together we are Sylverë, Sidhe Who Must Be Obeyed

and DarkSpyder

Lord & Lady of the Unseelie Court

(in reply to DePubed)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 5:10:36 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLula
I have found a potential new sub who seems just right but as I have had a lot of time wasters and game players in the past I have decided that I am going to keep this as a long distance/online relationship until I am certain we are compatible. Therefore for the next couple of months I wish to 'train' him (for want of a better word).


When you say you wish to ascertain that you are compatible, what is the criteria for this compatibility, and how will the training program assess this compatibility? I do not necessarily ask that you respond to the question but ask it rhetorically to raise a point.

What constitutes a time waster? Is it someone who is only seeking sexual thrills? If so, I am not sure how well a BDSM training program will identify a time waster. If one makes the training program uninteresting, that could filter out those who simply seek thrills. How will the training program determine broader, social compatibility?

To add another data point, in my opinion the process of determining compatibility continues and extends past the first in-person meeting. Thus, I seek to meet sooner rather than later. I understand that to do so is more difficult when distance is an issue. Still, for me, I am cautious about how much I invest or invite the other to invest in an online relationship.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to MissLula)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/25/2009 10:02:31 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What constitutes a time waster?


That's the guy who fails to call in a reservation at a busy restaurant, causing you to wait endless minutes in the lobby or the bar for a table.

(in reply to undergroundsea)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/26/2009 5:48:17 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		The one rule I have always instituted is about frequency of contact.  It could be a text, a phone conversation, an IM chat, a CM message, or real time - just making sure that he initiates contact on a regular basis.  I've used three times a week as being a compromise between too much and not enough, but of course that's an individual decision.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/26/2009 6:49:11 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline 		I understand your conundrum with the long distance thing....
I found that I have to change the way my own mind works in order to come up with ideas.

When the person is here, I can see almost instant results, a direct benefit.  When the person is not physically with me, the benefit is more secondary and the results are not immediate.  Realizing that the instructions and rules that you implement long distance with have a binding effect may help you get more ideas flowing.

What would you have him do if he were with you? 
A simple scenario:  If you have a kneel protocol and an eye down protocol you can have him do that on cam and in each written communication.

Like others have said, change an article of clothing to a different style.   Or change one mannerism in his speech.

Whatever you do, make sure it is something that can be incorporated easily at this point...like you stated, start slow so there is less chance of failure.

Good luck and have fun with it.



_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to MissLula)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/26/2009 9:45:29 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

That's the guy who fails to call in a reservation at a busy restaurant, causing you to wait endless minutes in the lobby or the bar for a table.
i never found sitting in a bar to be a waste of time

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to cloudboy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/26/2009 11:56:00 AM   
MissLula


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/25/2009
Status: offline 		thank you all very much for your helpful input, it has given Me lots more ideas to work on

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/26/2009 8:05:01 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		I'm not a male submissive but I just see a couple of no nos here.

Just because you've had a couple of timewasters before doesn't necessarily mean that he is going to turn out to be one, and I'm kind of wondering why you're transferring experiences you've had with other people into the relationship you're having with him. He's a completely different person.

However I'm of the view that while you may seem compatible online the only real way of knowing whether you are compatible or not is to actually meet face to face and try to develop some sort of relationship. Finding compatibility online is just too easy, the challenge is finding compatibility when you're together face to face and in the same space and being able to find that same compatibility over a period of time.

Also I'm probably biased as I was in a similar situation in 2006 which turned out to be a complete disaster and also a waste of time - several months and in the end I had to ask the domme to stop contacting me.

This involved the 'training' online which didn't work out as we both had busy lives at the time and just so much could get in the way. The other thing is that if I need to be 'trained' by a domme before meeting her then I'm probably not speaking to the right domme, or she isn't speaking to the right sub.

It's like with claiming to be 'extremely dominant and demanding', just like any submissive can claim to be 'submissive', words and intentions are all very good but it's the being and the doing which make WIITWD precisely what it is.

That saying, I hope it all works out for you.

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(in reply to MissLula)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/27/2009 5:21:38 AM   
MsStarlett


Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline 		Long distance, on line only subs have a nasty tenancy to lie - A LOT.  I know.  Been there.  Done that.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/27/2009 2:25:21 PM   
kristen45


Posts: 1
Joined: 3/4/2009
Status: offline 		It can be hard being a long distance D/s relationship, I know from experience being a slave in one currently (no I am not fake or a scam or looking for money from my Master, thank you very much, and either is he :D ). We stick to a shedule so we both know what to expect and when, so every morning befor 9 am I send a email to him with a new photo of me. That email also has various diffrent information he has requested, some of the things are in every email every day, but then he often times add new things to them. Then every evening about 2 hours befor it is my bedtime we have our together time, not to say that is the only time we spend together but that is just the guarenteed time we spend together. I think in a long distance relationship it is important that you give your submissive reasons to think about you, giving small tasks that must be done through out the day, with proof to be shown to the dominate. Not things that completly take over the submissive lives, my Master will often times have me sneak into a bathroom somewhere and write a fun little phrase on myself then snap a photo of it for him :) yes my camera is now my bestfriend. These days I find myself doing things like that for him just because I know they do please him,(I guess he did train me pretty well) You also have to let you submissive know that you the dominate do not have plans on stringing them along for the rest of forever. Knowing that me and my Master are working towards a live in situation makes it all the more exciting. Hmmmm I have like a thousand more things I want to saayyy lol but I do tend to be long winded.

(in reply to MsStarlett)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Rules and assignments for long distance sub - 7/27/2009 3:20:55 PM   
kevinbd9


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		I once had an online Mistress that asked me for my work and school scedual at the begining of the week.  Then evey day i would heve to ask for permition to do anything outside of work and school.  95 times out a 100 she would say yes, but having to ask permition to do something as simple as go to the store was so hot.  i would have to e mail her before i left the house and when i got home to prove where i was.  She would also call me to make sure i was at home when i said i would be.  This was before cell phones and text messages.  I thought it was so hot being controled by a Women 1000 miles away.  What made it work was that even though she would not let me go someplace once in a while She never made me miss something important. 

(in reply to MissLula)
Profile   Post #: 18
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