Feeling Neglected

Feeling Neglected (Full Version)

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slaveladyj -> Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 7:39:28 PM)
Okay, at the risk of being called a fake and a poser, I have a question for the other sub/slaves here. For many reasons, I'm unable to participate at this time, and maybe never in a real time relationship. I do have a cyber dom, who generally enjoys giving me orders on line, which I definitely enjoy following. But then there are days like today, where I feel he completely ignores me. He says its to give me a day off, but I don't want a day off. When he plays with me, it's great, but these long days with no contact suck. Am I being too needy? I mean, I understand he has his own life and family, as do I. But I miss having my daily instructions. Should I look for someone else, since my needs arent being met. Or accept his dictates on when he wants to play, and when I must suffer being ignored?

IrishMist -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 7:43:26 PM)
Well, it really depends on what you need. If your needs are not being met, and you know that they are not being met, then I would make the suggestion that it's time to move on and find someone who can meet your needs...and vice versa. It all comes down to what you want and what makes you happy.

angelic -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 7:46:46 PM)
Have you discussed this with Him and how it makes you feel? i know personally, ignoring me is a hard limit... one that will find me leaving quicker than a NY minute.

MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 7:59:21 PM)
quote: He says its to give me a day off, but I don't want a day off. I'm not going to tell you that you are being unreasonable to want attention every day. However, this could be your Dom telling you that HE needs a day off. I know for myself, that if I had to play, train, discipline, etc on a daily basis with a sub, it would leave me feeling really drained. I have a lot going on in my life that requires my focus and attention just to get through the day, and giving that much attention to someone that I'm not involved with face to face who is easing some of that burden by doing things for me is out of the question. Just something to think about.

ownedgirlie -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 8:00:08 PM)
How long are these periods of time without contact? A day? Several days? Weeks? Etc.? If it's just a day or so, he's probably just busy or wants some breathing space himself. Also, how long has this relationship been taking place? It is easy to feel anxious in a new relationship, as trust hasn't fully been established. It is when you have peace of mind in a relationship that you can go through a day without contact, happy to be waiting for him when he returns. Having said that, there is nothing wrong with craving your dom.

mnottertail -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 8:24:02 PM)
Playtime is playtime.............. You really can't hjave cake and eat it too........ As you say........for many reasons........ It is unreasonable to unilaterally take anything again and again (no matter the side of the coin flipping) I s'pose I could say be thankful what you have........ that does you nor anyone else any good. You may not be content given any circumstance...... J' Accuse Ron

sweetnessforsir -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 8:49:50 PM)
i am a need attention every day kind of person . . . the quality of attention depends on the reserve that i have built up . . . . and sometimes i not only don't need a day off, but a day off may turn into something harmful to the relationship. tell Him . . . your needs my be met, and they may not be met. then, you get to decide if you would like to continue. s.

Littlepita -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 9:26:41 PM)
Maybe he could task you with things to do when he is busy. In the beginning of my relationship when he had to go out of town or something I would be given different task to do to keep me busy. Also, do you need to "play" everyday or would you be happy if he would just come on and spend a little time with you? I know for me I can't stand if I go a day without talking to my Sir. We rarely play anymore since we are so busy right now, but I have always needed some contact from him. You should talk to your Dom about all this and see if he can understand your needs better and see if you two can negotiate something that will work for you both.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/19/2006 10:12:55 PM)
It might help if you guys scheduled a time for him to be gone. That way you would know it's coming, can prepare and use it as your special time to do something for yourself as well.

brightspot -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 12:13:36 AM)
quote: However, this could be your Dom telling you that HE needs a day off. Then that should be an open honest discussion. Communication Folks, honest open communication can take assumptions out of the relationship and set you free[;)]. Learn how to talk to each other especially if this is a totally on-line interaction. *Brightspot

sweetpuss -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 2:33:52 AM)
This rings alot of bells with me. I finally ended an (on-line) relationship like this. We did Talk, Communicate about it but sometimes it just doesn't really change things. And sometimes the "neediness" is instilled, huh? As long as the need was more or less tolerable, I stayed. But when it became obvious to me that I needed emotional re-assurances that he could not provide, got to be almost manic about it in truth.... and after a friend pointed out to me that what I actually needed from him was to get back what I had handed over (my heart, mind, a point of view which went missing in myself) I finally ended it, with finality, and felt immediately better. That doesn't mean that I'm not sitting here a few weeks later, missing him. I'm looking for a similarily stimulating relationship, in real life this time. Online was a safe-enough place to start, but ultimately...hollow? (Safe - if you don't count the number of times my heart got shredded.) Best wishes to you.

RavenMuse -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 3:08:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveladyj Okay, at the risk of being called a fake and a poser, I have a question for the other sub/slaves here. For many reasons, I'm unable to participate at this time, and maybe never in a real time relationship. I do have a cyber dom, who generally enjoys giving me orders on line, which I definitely enjoy following. But then there are days like today, where I feel he completely ignores me. He says its to give me a day off, but I don't want a day off. When he plays with me, it's great, but these long days with no contact suck. Am I being too needy? I mean, I understand he has his own life and family, as do I. But I miss having my daily instructions. Should I look for someone else, since my needs arent being met. Or accept his dictates on when he wants to play, and when I must suffer being ignored? OK to give you a Dom's eye view on this: Firstly, whilst I mayself have absolutely no interest in on-line only, it works well for some people and whilst sure it is a whole diffrent situation from doing anything R/L it doesn't make you fake, it makes you diffrent! (Possibly with the numbers of chatrroms et al out there in could very well make you part of the majority!) The thing that flags up a problem for me is the "Giving you a day off".... erm no, if he just ignores you with no warning then it isn't you he is giving a day off, it is himself. This in itself I don't have a problem with..... if he was being honest about it and letting you know the day before. "Going to be busy tomorrow, here are your tasks that I expect compleated by the time I contact you the day after" or the like. The thing you say that flags up a problem with the situation is "your needs aren't being met". Now off line that could possibly be just one set of needs out of many that ARE being met and I'd tell the girl to go have an honest talk with her master and see if there even IS a problem or if it was just that he needed to explain something to her better.... but on this case, that online interaction is all you have so if that need isn't being met then there is nothing else to make the relationship worth while, is there? Certainly looks like your needs and his 'style' are not compatable. I'd suggest talking it over with him and if a solution can't be found then you ask him to release you so you can find someone who will fullfill those needs.

brightspot -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 3:25:46 AM)
Yes, On-Line> sometimes a good way to start, but needs periodic checking of reality and needs and wants in real life and the future. My best Wishes to you too. Welcome to the boards! *Brightspot

slaveladyj -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 12:25:04 PM)
I emailed him and told him I was feeling a little neglected, especially as I had no instructions for today. He emailed me back, and told me that he was having some problems taking up his time. I'm glad he explained it to me. But that still leaves me with having to explain that I have way too much free time.

slavejali -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 12:38:36 PM)
I chatted with Master for 11 months before He came and moved in with me. I hated it with a passion. It was frustrating and totally screwed up having emotions and desires being provoked in me when the reality was I was sitting alone in my room with no chance of any real fulfillment. I think if the chatting and no physical contact went on very much longer, we wouldnt be together today. During our chatting times, everything seemed to be larger than life, I worried about little stupid things I never would have if we were together rl. Like in rl if your partner walks outa the room to go wash the car, it isnt a big deal, online, if your partner has to go do something its this major big deal that leaves you feeling at a loss and totally weirded out, thats how it was for me anyways. I"ve heard people say they love online relationships and it seems to work for them, but if you are getting these feelings now, maybe its not for you...like seriously...really look at your needs and wants...dont waste your life, its precious.

kyraofMists -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 12:57:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveladyj Okay, at the risk of being called a fake and a poser, I have a question for the other sub/slaves here. For many reasons, I'm unable to participate at this time, and maybe never in a real time relationship. I do have a cyber dom, who generally enjoys giving me orders on line, which I definitely enjoy following. But then there are days like today, where I feel he completely ignores me. He says its to give me a day off, but I don't want a day off. When he plays with me, it's great, but these long days with no contact suck. Am I being too needy? I mean, I understand he has his own life and family, as do I. But I miss having my daily instructions. Should I look for someone else, since my needs arent being met. Or accept his dictates on when he wants to play, and when I must suffer being ignored? Is it really a "need" or just something that you want? So many people confuse wants for needs and then make the comment my needs are not getting met. Interaction and attention of some sort is a need for a relationship to grow and flourish. However daily interaction and attention is not necessarily needed to maintain a relationship. You may want daily interaction and attention, but do you really need it?? Figure out what is really a need and what are just wants that you are calling needs. Then ask yourself if your expectation for daily interaction is reasonable given the commitments each of you have in your lives. Unrealistic expectations can destroy a relationship. Knight's kyra

PenelopePitstop -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 4:40:39 PM)
Hello, deep thinking newbie here. I'm in a similar-sounding situation to you, obviously I don't know what your situation is, but I have not the opportunity to indulge in real time play. This is just my opinion, but I find that conducting relationships over the internet are a completely different dynamic to real life, I really don't mean this to sound dismissive in anyway, but in some ways its like going over to a tap and filling up when you need to be filled. Your relationship lives in the corner of the room where your computer is, it fits into your routine, it is under your control. In time we can get (often subconsciously) used to this ultra convenient availability - well, I know I do, and then suddenly, when this ritual interfacing is suddenly diverted - for whatever reason - we suddenly realise that we can't see beyond the screen. We don't know what kind of day he is having, nor does he know what kind of day we are having. Something I didn't formerly appreciate until this was broached in another thread, that no matter how wonderfully you can engage minds in cybertime, the internet sets it's own barriers and its own distance between people. There comes a point when good old fashioned human contact is the natural next step, and in my position, and perhaps in yours, this will be frustrated. You cannot know if you are being ignored. Perhaps he is ill (or his computer is!) perhaps he is visiting family members, perhaps he is getting drunk. In this time one's worst fears come to the surface and we imagine all sorts of stuff - and react to it when in reality there is quite literally 'nothing' to react to. It's a horrible place to be, and I feel for you. Maybe your needs ARE changing.

taliaTW -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 5:24:02 PM)
Greetings, At this time, my situation is a little different from yours in that I do see my Master once a month, but at this point, we are long distance. Before we met, and all we had was online, there were times I felt lost that he wasn't able to, or just didn't feel like sitting at the computer. At this point, we use the computer as a medium to communicate, much like a phone call. To help keep me from feeling that pang of missing him so much, we have set times during the week when I know he will be online or we can talk on the phone. It helps me in that when I know he will be on at 8:30pm, and it's seven, I get my butt up and do something productive til 8:30 instead of focusing on missing him, I look for something to do that I can tell him about. Just some suggestions. talia tali thanks her Master for His guidance but mostly for His collar.

slaveladyj -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 8:47:22 PM)
And I want to thank everyone for their advice and words of wisdom, Thank You.

theRose4U -> RE: Feeling Neglected (2/20/2006 9:49:06 PM)
quote: I emailed him and told him I was feeling a little neglected, especially as I had no instructions for today. He emailed me back, and told me that he was having some problems taking up his time. I'm glad he explained it to me. But that still leaves me with having to explain that I have way too much free time. Just because this is ringing for me...my last boy had the same kinds of issues because his schedule was off-set from mine. I will ask you the same thing I asked him...why do you not have a hobby? Hobbies, volunteering and generally being a self actualized adult goes a long way with me. I personally feel that too many times subs look to their masters of mistresses as "tell me how to live my life"...well NO it's YOUR life. Personally if I have to micro manage every second of someone's life in addition to my own & make sure that they perform every minute task the way I told them a bunch of times, it gets to be more of a burden than something that is appealing. Honestly one of the biggest reason my boy is gone right now was his complaints of "being bored and not having time to himself". Well from 6am to noon he was by himself and only did half his assigned tasks. I got home at 6 and he wasn't usually home until 9 which was close to my bed time. In addition to a full time job I had foster dogs, volunteer meetings and hobbies. This on top of "telling him what to do". If I have to do things myself that I told the boy to take care of it's not fun. If it takes twice as long to tell someone else HOW to do it...it's not fun. If they bitch because I'm not there to tell them HOW to do every little thing...it's not fun. [;)] Wow anyone else sensing a theme here [:@] Anyhoo the point of my rant...get a hobby. Leathermaking, cooking classes, butler service, massage heck it doesn't matter. The point is occupy your time doing something productive that is helpful to your master and keeps you from sitting next to the phone waiting for it to ring. As a mistress it makes me nuts thinking that the pressure is somehow on me to keep the person occupied. In my mind part of service is looking for opportunities to make life easier not waiting for me to point out what needs to be done. Just an example...which is more pleasing the waitress that is there with more tea, bread crackers whatever before you even realize you need it or the one that you have to ask 6 times for more tea and only get it when you go for the pitcher yourself??

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