Houseguest Horror Stories (Full Version)

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lronitulstahp -> Houseguest Horror Stories (7/26/2009 7:49:22 PM)

Recently, a friend of mine had a "houseguest from hell" situation. You know the story, a friend needs a place to crash, you have a spare sofa, you offer them some room and board.. and wind up regretting your decision. Anyone want to share their horror stories, give advice on how to keep this from happening, or even *gasp* give a testimony of their slacker days as a couch-cruising nightmare?



GreedyTop -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/26/2009 8:00:14 PM)

damn, I'm tired, so I dont feel like digging my houseguest from hell story,,, I will when I am more awake..

(many of you already know it....)



VampiresLair -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/26/2009 8:04:53 PM)

I'm like GT, I have a doosy but I am too dead tired to type it now. It was a friend of my ex's and the short version of it is that I found out he was borrowing my panties to pleasure himself with.

I, however, have been up since 4, at work at 6 to get out at 2, off to Silk's bridal shower at 4:30 and to church with Silk and Angel at 6, then home with dinner to my Fox at 7:30 after helping the kids get their wedding shower gifts home... im bushed.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/26/2009 8:06:16 PM)

[image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m24.gif[/image]Please spill tomorrow...you can't leave a sistah hanging like that!!!!



ThatDaveGuy69 -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/26/2009 8:08:04 PM)

I've had a few over the years - I tend to take in strays...

I answered a call to help someone in the Chicago Burning Man community move. Her roommate was an ass, his friends were threatening, blah-blah-blah. She was all packed and we loaded the Mommy Van and drove off to her new place. Only problem was, when we got there, no one was home. So we tried to find this person and couldn't After wasting a couple hours in the effort I told her she could crash with us and we'd find her new roommate the next day. The next day turned into the weekend, and when we realized that this person had totally flaked, the Mrs and I decided to let the Irish lass stay with us until she could get her self situated somewhere. The kids liked her and she seemed reasonably sane.

She was online 24/7, or as close to a human can be. Never offered to help with anything around the house. But she was able to watch the kids once or twice... About a month into her stay she set us up with a local Burn event. She got to see her LD boyfriend and he came over that evening. The bitch got knocked-up in my rec-room! So then she was even more useless. On the other hand, the news prompted her mother to fly in from Boston to drag the wench back home and out of our lives.

The whole thing lasted about 4 months. Maybe not such a huge horror stroy but when she and her mom loaded the u-haul trailer, not even so much as a "so long and thanks for all the fish". And cetainly no $$$ for room & board. Never again.

OK, I probably will, if it's within my power.

~Dave




FangsNfeet -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/26/2009 8:39:20 PM)

I had one couple over stay their welcome in my appartment. After trashing my place, smoking in the place, contributing only a case of romon noodles, and catching them having an oral sex three some with an unexpected guest in my bed, I eloquently told them "My apt manager knows you live here. You're not on the lease and she's going to call the cops if you're not gone in two days." They where gone by the time I got back from work.

There was a time when I had a really good chrsitmas party rockin at my apt. We had booze, music, games, food, cookies, and a real 8ft chrsitmas tree. All was well untill one of my guest claimed to be having an acid flash back. "Oh god here I go again." In a low voice he started shouting "I am a demon from Hell and I'm here to take all of you with me!" After getting special "calm down" attention from a certain female, the ex boy friend (who is dressed as Silent Bob) of that lady pulls out a hammer screaming "Get the FUCK away from her!"

Well, my sister was also there and she talked me into staying calm. "It's Christmas after all." So I ended up not calling the cops nor pulling out my bat. She manages to talk Silent Bob into leaving. After Demon Boy is done with his crazy talk, I drove him back to his dorm and kept telling myself "It's Christmas" over and over. I then get back to my party and had a strong 151/Diesel mix drink.  



Arpig -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/26/2009 8:52:42 PM)

Years ago my brother and I had a place, and a friend of ours who lived way out on the edge of town was by, and since he had to be at work downtown really early he asked if he could crash the night....one night mind you.  2 months later we moved to a 3 bedroom place so we could charge him rent. [:)]



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/26/2009 10:33:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp

...their slacker days as a couch-cruising nightmare?


You know... you really are one of the funnier posters here, did you know that? You keep sneaking these little clevernesses into your posts, and it seems to fly under a lot of people's radar, but it pays to pay attention to your text. There are a lot of chuckles concealed in them.



Rainfire -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/27/2009 9:03:31 AM)

[8|]  The first one that came to my mind was Greedy's houseguest from hell...then I remembered my own. 

Just married the month before (to the now-ex) a female friend of his that had become a mutual friend needed an emergency place to crash. It was supposed to be for 2-3 NIGHTS max while she made other living arrangements. I had some doubts (we were just married and all)  but she had known the ex for some years and was in the same "SCA family".

3 months later, she was bad mouthing me to anyone and everyone, stalking us over to the ex's parents while yelling at him that I'd only married him for his money, ran the phone bill up over $1200 calling her LD boyfriend every day, had him down to stay a week or more at a time (without asking us), had extremely noisy sex numerous times right in the middle of the living room while not giving a rat's ass about anyone other than herself and did not a single fucking thing to help around the apartment except drink all the wine we'd gotten at a "wine shower".

Needless to say, when we discovered that I was pregnant with monster #1 and asked her to leave as the situation was obviously not healthy for anyone involved, she got screaming mad and tried to attack me. We had to deal with her stalking me for weeks afterwards and finally had to get the cops involved. For some silly reason, since then, I listen to that inner voice about whether someone stays in my home or not, and for how long. 



Termyn8or -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 12:33:18 AM)

FR

I generally give them a week and then it is out. NO AMOUNT OF MONEY will make me share my home. You are here at my pleasure, so be pleasing if you know how. I might break the one week rule, but I will never take any money because what is mine shall stay mine. Out too long ? Stay in the van. I'll even run an exstension cord out there for you, but I do not share my house, period. (of course any romantic interests are exempt from this LAW)

T



GreedyTop -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 12:42:47 AM)

houseguest from hell:

40 yr old man (living with his mom.. born in South Africa, raised in England, living by choice in France: that shoulda told me something).  Got a small inheritance, decided to travel.  Extended invite to crash here for a week or two.  He arrives.  He immediately spends a wad on a new laptop, laptop cart, toaster, and suitcase.  Oh, and accessories for the laptop...

Never once offered to pitch in for food while he was here.  Would buy stuff for himself, but not the household, and not clean up after himself.  (chunk of chocolate in the floor..ARMIES of ants..).

Borrowed car..  made an illegal right turn... right in front of an on-coming vehicle.  Said the tire was flat...  the fucking WHEEL was flattened (it's still in the back of my Blazer... he also managed to break the lock on the tailgate, I cant open the tailgate...).  Fucked the alignment.  No spare tire anymore.

Promised to pay for repairs. 


Ended up staying here almost a month (hey, I wanted compensation...).. bugged out.

I sent a letter to his mom, to let her know he'd given his 'word'...  no reply.


(thats the nut shell version)



JonnieBoy -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 1:34:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lronitulstahp
give advice on how to keep this from happening


Once troubled by this kind of problem ... Invite ME 'round to stay for awhile (thinks bubble ...[sm=evil.gif][sm=evil.gif][sm=evil.gif] Mwuahahahahahaha !) and next thing you know your nuisance will be departing in a MOST polite manner!
Only drawback to this solution ... if YOU are a fan of the "queen" and DON'T want to learn all about the medicinal benefits of cider in the prevention and cure of Scurvy  ... you may feel the urge to be "out" a fair bit more than usual whilst you are being rid of your troublesome parasite. (I do GREAT sudden inexplicable laughter too ... distinctly more insane than your average Pirate).

Pirate



FlipFlip -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 1:37:32 AM)

Ok i was still in the middle of my couch surfing days, i like to think i was an ok house guest, cooking cleaning up (occasionally) and generally trying to stay out of everyone's way. When they have another unexpected guest. So my friends have 2 extra people in there 2 bedroom apartment, making the total 5. ( The people living there were a couple and a single dude) I start looking for other digs to give my mates some piece of mind, on the day before i move out i walk into the toilet to find the other guest had OD'd on heroin.
Story ends.



MmeGigs -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 5:46:09 AM)

I have friends who used to invite folks to stay with them. I don't think that they had any real "disasters", but they certainly didn't have any great successes - they always ended up wishing they hadn't issued the invite. My friends are wonderful, generous people, but they're also folks who regularly need some solitude to decompress and un-prickle, so any long-term houseguest is bound to get on their nerves.

She was the one who issued the invitations. After their last roomie moved out, while it was all still very fresh in her mind, he had her sit down and write a letter to herself detailing why inviting long-term houseguests is a BAD IDEA. After that, whenever she'd meet someone who needed temporary digs and was tempted to open up her home, he would remind her of The Letter and the temptation would subside. It has been years now since they've had a roomie.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 6:23:44 AM)

quote:

Story ends.
i'm sorry....could you repeat that story??? i totally missed it. Something about your abs, innit?
~objectifying tulip[;)]



mdr080480 -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 6:58:41 AM)

Never had a house guest, other than family. My uncle stayed a year at my old house, while his house was being assembled 120 miles away. Been a house guest of family many times as well.

I would like to think that I am not a house guest from hell, I actually pick up after myself, clean up anything I dirty, and place dishes where ever told to place them (some people like dishes rinsed off in the sink before dish washer, some people like straight to dish washer, some people like hand washing, which I am not adverse to doing). I'll also try to pay for anything that is needed, provided I have the cash on hand. Low cash would be a reason why I would crash at someone's house, hotels are expensive.

I am a neat person, orderly, so if someone else is much the same way, there will be no problems.



lronitulstahp -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 7:49:22 AM)

quote:

I am a neat person, orderly,

i can vouch for him on that. Btw...notice when i slept in your room, i made my bed, unlike Tat *snickers as the rumors start*



sirsholly -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 8:01:59 AM)

My boss (an idiot) was staying here for a short time until his new house was ready.

We were having one of the coldest winters i can remember, the temp were well below freezing. He kindly filled the watering trough for the cattle and horses. I asked him to add a half cup of vodka to the water to keep it from freezing. In his farming experience (none) he just KNEW a half cup was not enough so he added enough to get the cows drunk.

MOOOOOOOoooooohicooooooooo........




GreedyTop -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 8:03:24 AM)

notes that mdr would be a welcome guest here (and not just because he's an orderly, neat person)



Rainfire -> RE: Houseguest Horror Stories (7/28/2009 8:03:29 AM)

[8|] Never heard of a heated water trough? Saves on the booze bill, leaves more vodka for us!  [sm=buddies.gif]



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